There Is No Excuse For You!!!!

Why do you exist? Sometimes I think it’s to make life hell for my family and I. You don’t do a goddamned thing. I’m sick of your shit all over the house. Can you pick up your stupid anime crap and DVDs once in a while? Would it kill you to clean up the messes you make? Is it too much to ask that you wash a dish now and then? Do you have to haul your entire computer system into the dining room to work on it? DO YOU HAVE TO GIVE A FUCKING PLAY-BY-PLAY OF YOUR COMPUTER PROBLEMS!!! When I’m trying to have a phone conversation or watch a movie, I don’t need to hear you going on and on about your computer to NO ONE!!! “Oh, that’s what the problem is!” “I was wondering about that.” "Oh, I see. . . "

Can you occasionally flush the toilet after you take a dump? Do the rest of us really need to see your monster turds floating in the bowl like a thick, disgusting rope? Also, could you manage to either lift the seat when you piss or at least wipe it down after your pee all over it? There is nothing worse than sitting in a puddle of cold urine at 2am.

If we’re watching a movie, could you please refrain from coming into the living room and rambling on about Star Wars, South Park, Superman, Spiderman, or WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU’RE WATCHING? I don’t give a flying fuck what happened on The Daily Show or what abomination American Movie Classics is showing. Speaking of which, I don’t want to get into a discussion about how if American Movie Classics is showing Cannonball Run II, then it must be a classic. Same with Superman etc. Can you see that we’re watching a movie we haven’t seen before? I don’t want to have to rewind it to hear important bits of dialog that I missed because you can’t shut up for 2 hours.

When you cook, it makes me want to beat you to death with a wok. You cook for yourself. Do you have to make huge amounts of food that will sit on the counter or stovetop before someone else throws them away? Could you at least manage to put it in the refridgerator? Is it really necessary for you to use three times the normal number of dishes when you cook? Do you need the entire contents of the cupboard to make spaghetti? For fuck’s sake, no one wants to do dishes 3 times a day!

Do you have to talk to the pets in a high, squeaky voice at 7am when the rest of us are trying to sleep? Do we need to hear you asking the cats questions, and then asking them louder when the cats don’t answer? What the hell is wrong with you, Rainman? I know you aren’t retarded, that would be too easy. I would have infinite patience with you if you were brain damaged or autistic, but no, you just have to be a fucking asshammer asshat.

Why is it that if someone asks you to do something(or NOT to do something), you have to stomp and mumble like a child? You slam doors, swear, scowl, and glare. Fuck you. You’re a 27-year-old MAN!!! Is there any way you could behave like one? Is it so hard to get out on your own and be a responsible adult who pays rent and has a DRIVERS LICENSE?!?!? Why don’t you drive? “Because it’s boring.” “I don’t like to drive.” WHO THE FUCK CARES??? I don’t like going to work or paying my bills, but I do it anyway? Are you always going to have a job within walking distance of your home? Not likely. You’d better get your shit together or you’re going to be in for a nasty surprise.
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I was with you until here. I can’t drive. The way my eyes are, I lack depth perception. I can’t tell where things are well enough to trust myself to be safe. I’m glad to know that a drivers license is the defining point of functionality in a society, it means I can just go curl up and die now, I suppose.

Actually, the point Alias was trying to make was that he has no reason for not having a license except the quotes cited. It is not a requirement for society, but the area we live in is horribly rural. If he had a license, he wouldn’t have to ask for rides to every fuck place (and believe me, he does).

Or to put it another way, the above rant was aimed at a person with many annoying habits. The lack of drivers license was only one. No offense was meant towards those who have one or two of the above habits.

Good heavens, who is this “man” and why does he live with you?

Anybody else picturing Comic Book Guy from the Simpsons when they read the above 27 year old ma-, er, child’s description?

Oh wait, that doesn’t work. Comic Book Guy has a job.

I suggest that one day, when asshat is good and asleep, you obtain a copy of the Bob Rivers Comedy Corporation’s recording of “We Wish You Weren’t Living With Us” and play it at top volume on infinite repeat while you go out for a good stiff drink. In Peru. Perhaps by the time you return, he’ll have gotten a clue.

He’s a needy fuck who can’t take care of himself. He’s my boyfriend’s (Harborwolf’s) brother, and that makes it harder to just say “fuck off, asswhomper!”

Also, I’m sorry, Daikona. I didn’t mean to imply that people who don’t drive are losers or anything. What I meant was that this is an adult man who doesn’t even attempt to make himself independent. As Harborwolf said, we live in a semi-rural area where EVERYTHING is really far away (seriously, the movie theater is 15 miles from our house). Not having a vehicle and EXPECTING other people to drop everything so you can go somewhere is selfish, thoughtless, and just plain rude.

This is someone who would rather blow his entire paycheck on USELESS CRAP than pay his ever-accumulating bills. His bill collectors are constantly calling for him, and he refuses to speak to them. When he gets one accidentally, he acts like they’re the assholes for wanting the money that is rightfully theirs.

Have you discussed this with your boyfriend? Asked him to kick his annoying brother the heck out? If he insists his brother has to stay, can he at least try to get the brother to clean up his act?

As long as you two keep mollycoddling him, he’s going to stay with you. I’m sure there is some reason he’s staying with you currently, but you didn’t specify so I can only assume it’s becasue he’s a lazy, no-good layabout.

Time to show him a little tough love and get him out of there. Or even help him find a cheap apartment somewhere to show that you aren’t just saying “Get out” but “Here, let’s help you establish your own life and identity.”

Move and don’t tell him. Seriously, rent a new place, get everything ready, then at an opportune moment when he’s out, leave with all your stuff (or as much as you can carry). Come back for the rest later.

BTW, a lovely rant! It made me smile.

Don’t help him, you’ve “helped” enough.

The word you want is won’t. There’s a huge difference between not being able to take care of yourself (can’t)and being unwilling to take care of your self (won’t). Sounds to me like your brother-un-law is a won’t.

I know you didn’t ask for advice, but good g-d woman, run, Run, RUN while you still have legs. This man and his family now know you are an easy mark and unless you stand up for yourself this WILL NEVER END.