Why do you exist? Sometimes I think it’s to make life hell for my family and I. You don’t do a goddamned thing. I’m sick of your shit all over the house. Can you pick up your stupid anime crap and DVDs once in a while? Would it kill you to clean up the messes you make? Is it too much to ask that you wash a dish now and then? Do you have to haul your entire computer system into the dining room to work on it? DO YOU HAVE TO GIVE A FUCKING PLAY-BY-PLAY OF YOUR COMPUTER PROBLEMS!!! When I’m trying to have a phone conversation or watch a movie, I don’t need to hear you going on and on about your computer to NO ONE!!! “Oh, that’s what the problem is!” “I was wondering about that.” "Oh, I see. . . "
Can you occasionally flush the toilet after you take a dump? Do the rest of us really need to see your monster turds floating in the bowl like a thick, disgusting rope? Also, could you manage to either lift the seat when you piss or at least wipe it down after your pee all over it? There is nothing worse than sitting in a puddle of cold urine at 2am.
If we’re watching a movie, could you please refrain from coming into the living room and rambling on about Star Wars, South Park, Superman, Spiderman, or WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU’RE WATCHING? I don’t give a flying fuck what happened on The Daily Show or what abomination American Movie Classics is showing. Speaking of which, I don’t want to get into a discussion about how if American Movie Classics is showing Cannonball Run II, then it must be a classic. Same with Superman etc. Can you see that we’re watching a movie we haven’t seen before? I don’t want to have to rewind it to hear important bits of dialog that I missed because you can’t shut up for 2 hours.
When you cook, it makes me want to beat you to death with a wok. You cook for yourself. Do you have to make huge amounts of food that will sit on the counter or stovetop before someone else throws them away? Could you at least manage to put it in the refridgerator? Is it really necessary for you to use three times the normal number of dishes when you cook? Do you need the entire contents of the cupboard to make spaghetti? For fuck’s sake, no one wants to do dishes 3 times a day!
Do you have to talk to the pets in a high, squeaky voice at 7am when the rest of us are trying to sleep? Do we need to hear you asking the cats questions, and then asking them louder when the cats don’t answer? What the hell is wrong with you, Rainman? I know you aren’t retarded, that would be too easy. I would have infinite patience with you if you were brain damaged or autistic, but no, you just have to be a fucking asshammer asshat.
Why is it that if someone asks you to do something(or NOT to do something), you have to stomp and mumble like a child? You slam doors, swear, scowl, and glare. Fuck you. You’re a 27-year-old MAN!!! Is there any way you could behave like one? Is it so hard to get out on your own and be a responsible adult who pays rent and has a DRIVERS LICENSE?!?!? Why don’t you drive? “Because it’s boring.” “I don’t like to drive.” WHO THE FUCK CARES??? I don’t like going to work or paying my bills, but I do it anyway? Are you always going to have a job within walking distance of your home? Not likely. You’d better get your shit together or you’re going to be in for a nasty surprise.
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