I’ve been single in fact (supposed “relationships” not counting due to length and frivolity) since 2000, if I remember right. Of course, this is softened by the fact that people really annoy me.
I do miss the sex, though. A lot.
I’ve been doing what I want for so long, and I wouldn’t say it’s getting old. That never gets old. I don’t know what I’d do, really, in a relationship. I haven’t had a relationship where I saw the other person with any regularity since high school. Long distance relationships were my milieu–just enough to say I had someone, but not so close that I had to do anything but what I wanted, or let someone into my space. I’ve been thinking about it a lot. It’s not a good sign when you realize that you wouldn’t be able to stand the person if you had to see them every day.
I would like to be in a relationship very much, but I’m not going to do it just for the sake of being in a relationship.
We may be going around in circles here but I keep asking myself this question… Is a relationship not the right one because it doesn’t make one want to compromise on the habitual independence or is the relationship doomed to fail (and therefore perceived as not the right one) because of the intractability by one or both parties who refuse to compromise their habitual (stubborn) independence?
…I thought we’d exhausted the thread and were wrapping up with humour… and now this. :smack:
I don’t know! That’s what I keep thinking too. Makes me crazy. I know I love my privacy and independence, and I’m trying to think of a relationship in terms of sharing my space instead having it invaded. It’s very difficult to think in those terms though.
Sorry, I came in late and messed up the tidy closure…I do that sometimes.
Yep, been a decent number of doper couples and doper weddings. If you want a list, I suppose you could start a thread. If you’re thinking of starting a flirt thread, I’m pretty sure they lock those down these days.
That’s what we, being I and The Person Who I’m Currently With, have decided is That Which Works. You got your place, I got mine, and never the twain shall be sold nor forsaken. During the week we live in our respective caves and see each other at work (yeah, another work affair ), and then come Friday we decide which cave to share on the weekend. Or not.
And, when you get married/live together, each of you must have your own room, to do with as you will.
The relationship that will work is the one where neither partner has to change for the other, because people don’t change. I didn’t give up my independence when I met my husband; we fit together so well that we both got more out of the relationship than we were giving up, and if that isn’t happening, I’d say it isn’t a long-term relationship. It might just be a short-term one, or a just-for-fun one.
Those of you who are giving up hope, please don’t. Just put it on a back-burner for a while, and let life take its course. I met my husband after a failed three-year relationship, and then many meet-and-greets from loveataol, and I had a WHOOOOOOLE lot of disappointment and frustration before I met him. And then I did, and the rest is history.
Out of years of singlehood and desperation a voice screams from the darkness…“It is not good for the man/woman to be alone.” Take that as a Christian quote, homily, or just a bit of universal truth, amen.
But if you think it is easy or OK to take some time off and expect to pick up unaffected exactly where you left off from dating, well might as well make room with all of the other maladjusted, desperate, weirdos on this side of the aisle. Not dating turns you into a freak… desperation makes it harder. Desperation will permeate, and your stink will precede you.
Better find Love anywhere, anytime, you can… better be ready. “Standards” and the “right person”, and “This is a period to reevaluate and learn to love me, blah, blah, blah…” are all just psychobabble excuses to deny the stink of the shit that you are drowning in.
Better find somebody, now. Before its too late.
(Devilsknew… living life as a lonely, desperate, freak since 2001.)
Why is that? Do you date only weak-minded women with under-developed tastes? Do you expect the same of QuickSilver?
QuickSilver, is it possible to get beyond the feeling that you have to make some sort of choice? You say you know yourself well, and from what I’ve seen of you in posts, I believe you.
Forget the calendar. Trust your instincts.
And when there is no clear instinctual answer one way or the other, try not to mind too much the days of your life that are lived in uncertainty. Just use them in some way to benefit yourself.
I swear to you that it is possible to be in a relationship and yet to remain very independent. You have to choose carefully and encourage the other person to learn how to make herself happy. And, of course, have common ground.
In my own life I have chosen to love with all the stops pulled out. I can’t imagine life lived timidly.
A single life is well-suited for many people. But I also see some single posters here who show all the signs of wimping out after being hurt. (shrug) Maybe that’s right for them.
I just don’t see it happening to you.
Not from your posts here – especially in this thread!
Not even from the name you choose to use at the Dope.
I’ll bet they’re all amateurs compared to me- Seven years without sex, twelve years between a girlfriend. Believe me, it wasn’t by choice or for lack of trying. You think I’ll ever get a date with the Doperwimmens for mentioning that fact? No! every woman has immediately discounted me because they know I’m a desperate, lonely, freak!
How do you find a girlfriend when you got my low batting average? Women get weirded out by these stats. I’ll always be damaged goods to some degree. It is very rare to find a woman my age who will even consider taking a chance on me because of this fact. I got that stink on me and I am relegated to the back of the room.
The only way I might get a woman to take me seriously would be to lie, and unfortunately I won’t do that. Missed too many opportunities by being truthful and integral to my unfortunate situation, it doesn’t work. I’m resigned… can’t get over these kinds of societal prejudices and the stigma I’m assigned to. The walls are built too high in this time and place.
