There was something different in my letterbox...advice please.

I am in on the “Doper coffee mug” exchange thing, so I have been looking in my letter box most eagerly the last couple of days. Today when I looked I found something suprising instead, a letter addressed to “the lovely brunette at (my address)”

I am the only Brunette at my address so I thought I should open it. On bright green paper (think Kermit) was the following letter.

"To the lovely brunette

I have been admiring you from afar. I find you very attractive and I was wondering if maybe ,if you are single, you would like to join me for a coffee or dinner sometime.

My name is (his name) and I am 34. I would really like to meet you.

If you are interested you can phone or text me. (His number. cell phone)

I am really sorry if this letter offends you, I’m just a bit shy. I have never done anything like this before but you have really caught my eye.

I look forward to hearing from you but I understand if you just throw this in the bin.

Thanks for your time.
(his first name)

I read this and then did the classic double take. You what?? I thought to myself. Then I came inside and felt all jolly and happy for a while. Then I thought…Shit I wonder who it is! Then I felt like I was one of the cool kids in high school. Then I thought eeeekkk someone is spying on me. Then I thought, aww ain’t that cute, someone likes me. Then I thought…maybe he’s an axe murderer. Then, then, then etc.

I rang my best friend and she said “awww that’s sweet and it took some balls! So when are you ringing him?”. She didn’t seem to care if he was an axe murderer!

So I decided I would decide tomorrow and ask Doper advice tonight.

Some facts to consider.

  • While I am a brunette I’m not entirely sure the lovely bit fits…maybe I look lovely from a distance?

  • I turned 38 on Tuesday. He says he is 34… maybe I look younger from a distance?

  • I am single. Though happily so.

  • He says he is shy. I am worse. I am shy and the shy makes me babble like an idiot!

  • I am rarely admired from close up let alone from afar.

  • I have no idea who wrote this!

  • Unless he is an axe murderer, I reckon this was a pretty brave thing for a shy bloke to do and I really hate hurting anyones feelings.

So Dopers…should I ring him? Part of me wants to and part of me thinks the whole thing is nuts.

Please talk me in to or out of ringing him because I am all a dither.

Give him a call! The note seemed really sweet.

I’d contact him but if you do meet him make sure to meet in a public area and look after your drinks, food, etc. Don’t mean to sound paranoid but there are some creeps out there.

However, there’s no harm in giving him a call at least! I’d definitely do it.

Ah, heck, give him a shot! Why not? Anyway, I don’t think most axe murderers bother to ask permission before the encounter. Just make sure you meet in a public area, and you’ll be fine. Oh, and going by the (admittedly smallish) pic you posted to the pic thread a while back, you are cute.

As a bloke, I’d say give him a chance. I agree with continuity eror that you should meet him in public (perhaps a mall food court?) and keep a close eye on anything you plan to consume. His letter sounds sweet, although perhaps you should beware someone who hasn’t developed that much in the way of social graces. Still, most likely he’s just an ordinary dude who’s been in a few bad relationships.

If you call him, do it from a public call box. It’s an extra layer of insurance in case he really is an axe murderer. But call him. You go girl etc. etc.

And if it doesn’t work out, my number is 555 - 555- 555 :wink:

Oh Poo! I kinda wanted to be talked out of it. I think.

It is very flattering but weird in a Meg Ryan movie way :smiley:

As for meeting him in public, while this seems sensible it was in MY letter box…so he knows where I live. IF I ring him I was thinking about asking him to come here so I’m not stuck somewhere with someone I don’t know from adam. Bad idea?

So you DID get it! Sorry, kidding. I dunno, from a guy’s perspective this is looking a bit fishy - a total stranger drops a note {on green paper, no less} in your letterbox, claiming to be very shy, and suggests a meeting… it may sound cute in the movies, but it’s no way I’d ever try to meet a woman. Either way, you know someone’s been watching you, which has to be a bit disconcerting.

If you do decide to meet him, make it a public place, as suggested, and can you take back-up? Not necessarily someone with you, but a friend discreetly loitering. He may be as shy as he claims, he may be a potential stalker - I wouldn’t take any chances. Sorry if I’m raining on your parade, calm kiwi, but there are some weirdoes out there, and the whole “watching from afar” angle still bugs me.

Potentially, yes, it’s a bad idea. One of the reasons for meeting in a public place is that it leaves you both with an easy way out if something doesn’t click. A classic manouver is to meet up at, say, two o’clock and have a friend call you at two thirty. If the guy looks cute, just hang up. If there’s something not quite right, it’s a “family/work emergency” and just leave.

If you invite himeround to your place, and you’re both incredibly shy, it might be difficult. You’re too shy to ask him to leave. He’s too awkward to ask the same.

No rain on this parade Middlecase. I see you realise this is not typical for a kiwi bloke (not that you know I’m not lovely!). Yes it did phase me for a while. Then it didn’t, then it did etc and continuing.

This bloke knows where I live and I have a very nosey neighbour IF (BIGGGG IF) I do ring him and it seems all ok wouldn’t it be best to meet him on my turf? With 111 on speed dial :smiley:

I don’t want to hurt his feelings but the whole thing is way out of my experience. Kind of flattering and freaky all wrapped up together.

Yes, I know you’re lovely. And I’m probably not a typical kiwi bloke. Not that that doesn’t make me lovely either. No, I still wouldn’t meet him on your own turf - if he does turn out weird, in a public place you can always make your excuses and bail; at your place it has the potential for at the very least awkwardness, if not ugliness.

Besides, we know where 111 calls will get you…

A free taxi is always good :smiley:

But he knows where I live. I have no clue where he lives of course but here I am on my turf so I feel safer.

Ok, as I typed that it sounded silly.

But if he is an axe murderer he knows where I live already.

The letter was kind of sweet (and a wee bit freaky) and it was flattering. I’m feeling I may get brave and ring tomorrow…I think.

Jeeeez men are painful!

Yeah, they’d probably take you to Piha.

From a safety viewpoint, meeting him on your turf means that he is already in your house if he has evil intentions. I would suppose that you have locks on your doors that (even if you do not currently use them) could be engaged from this point forward to slow his entrance to your house if you were there or show signs of entry if he came by while you were not.

Meeting in a public place (and not retiring to either’s house on the first meeting) gives you the opportunity to size him up. It also gives you the chance to get his home address (solely forthe purposes of exchanging notes, of course) which you can pass on to a friend or relative in the case that you disappear.

From a social perspective, neutral ground is still a better way to get to acquaint yourselves with each other, because, as noted above, it is easier to “remember” an appointment and disengage if things go sour, there is less chance that a particular collection of books or music (or decor or cooking odors) will turn off the other party before they discover your other sterling qualities, and there is more opportunity to suggest a continuation of the meeting if it is going well (Would you like to stroll the park/take in this movie/extend this coffee meeting to dinner? rather than What’s on the telly? or Ya want some hot monkey sex?).

I think this is cool in a kinda strange way.

Meet for coffee somewhere. It will be scary as hell until you get over the " HI…ummm…so…whatyourname?..blah blah blah" after that, you can talk about the weather, sports and bollocks :slight_smile:

All you have to lose from this is, what, fifteen -twenty minutes. If you don’t go you will always wonder who and what and all those pesky little details.
Besides, YOU.MUST.GO. So that you can post * every sordid detail here*, right down to what kind of axe he carries and what color is his van that he lives in a van down by the river. :stuck_out_tongue:

If you end up getting hacked to death in a bloody mess, I will send you some genuine maple syrup. how is that for an incentive.

Happy Almost Birthday. Mine is the 27th. Whooooo for 1966

Are you insinuating I have stinky odours and no taste in books? I’m lovely evidently! :smiley:

I do take your point. I just thought that since he already knows where I live maybe here was safer? Safest ever is not ringing the Kermit-green-paper-man. My best friend claims that it would be a) callous and b) wussy not to ring him though.

I have to share this story because it is somehow related to yours. Really.

One of my favorite stories of How We Met came from a parenting magazine years and years ago.

A woman working in a large office building with many buildings around her had a note on her car windsheild one day.

" I have noticed you for X amount of time. (Some personal information given) If you would be interested in a date, look up at X buildings 4th floor now."
She did.

In the fourth floor window in huge letters was the phone number of this guy. (And the spectators of his office.)

She went back to her office, this was before Cell phones, and called him.

They eventually got married.

She had written the letter and they had been married something like 10 years by that time.

I love this story.
I just had to share.

Carry on.