There Will Be Blood – if you don’t STFU in the theater!

The BBQ Pit
1

So finally, finally TWBB made it to my theater, so I went in tonight to go see it. As you can see from this post, I’ve been looking forward to it for a while, and I was even more excited to see it when I found out it was set in my general environs*. Why oh why did my movie (tix: 9 bux a pop) have to be ruined by douchebags?

The morons in front of me gave an exaggerated yawn during a lull in the dialogue, which annoyed me – but I let it slide. They were yakking on and off through the whole film, and I let it slide. It was during Daniel Plainview’s crucial soliloquy that the asshole started in on the yawning in full force and I snapped. I kid you not, this is how it went:

DDL: “I see the worst in people…”

Assbitch: “God this is SO BORING!”

DDL: “I want no one else to succeed…”

Me: “Shhh!”

Assbitch: “Shh! Shhh! Shh! Someone’s watching the movie!” mockingly

Me: “SHUT UP OR I WILL END YOU.”

DDL: “…with these…people. maniacal laugh”

Fortunately he shut the fuck up until the last 20 minutes of the movie, at which point he decided to call a buddy to tell him how boring he thought the movie was. At this point my husband was giving me the stinkeye, so I kept mum.

The credits roll.

Oops, I think I slipped on a piece of popcorn and accidentally shoved my knee into the back of DB’s recliner on the way out! Asshole. Why can’t people just walk out of a movie they don’t like, and let other people enjoy them?

I’m FINISHED!

*yes, I know it isn’t exactly my area, but as a commuter-amateur local historian-motorcyclist-roadtripper-curious person, my “environs” as I see them encompass a pretty large area.

2

If you don’t go out and complain to MGT and get them to do something, then the problem will never get solved.

Well,without resorting to physical violence, that is- which is hardly ever the right solution.

3

The three theaters I frequent in the area have taken to policing the show at various points throughout – as a response to innumerable complaints about this kind of crap, I’m sure. Every 15 minutes or so, a theater employee will walk around the theater and look for troublemakers. I’ve had the immeasurable joy of watching at least a dozen irritating punks get removed from the theater as a result of this policing. It’s nice.

4

Sorry you were subjected to such a waste of oxygen. Besides the Assbitch, what did you think of the film?

5

If they are sitting directly in front of you I find this works -

Lean forward and whisper slowly and really quietly in their ear, “If you want to talk let’s talk. Want to hear about the knife? Keep talking and I’ll tell you all about it.” Then run your thumbnail down the back of their ear.

6

I’m sorry you got stuck behind such a righteous asshole. I often find myself wondering if the phenomenon of idiots at movie theaters is a regional thing, because I never have to deal with these schmucks when I go to a movie.

7

don’t ask, that gave me shivers just reading it.

8

Why do you hate black people?

9

Jesus. Did they also fart and light up cigarettes? I will never understand in all my life why people think this is ACCEPTABLE behavior. DAMMIT.

10

Are you the only person who was pissed off at this moron? Unbelievable. Who wastes $9 to sit in a theater and bitch about how bored they are?

“This is boring!”
“Well, if you’re having difficulty getting off your ass to leave, I can assist you.”

Seriously, this kind of shit is exactly why we drive 35 miles and pay $14 apiece to go to a theater where that does not happen. It’s worth it. Either that, or we try to catch the first showing on a weekend, before most of the assholes are awake yet.

11

I like your style. Sick, twisted, and pure evil…

12

Next time bring super glue. :wink:

13

I am ashamed to say that I’m amrried to a Narrator. He seems to think that I’m either not paying attention or not watching the same movie he is- he feels compelled to tell me what’s going on as it’s happening- “He’s going to open the door!”- or read signs and whatnot that appear in the film. He also repeats lines that he particularly likes. I think that it honestly doesn’t occur to him that other people can hear him and that it’s annoying as all hell.

 Everytime we go to a movie together now, I tell him before they turn out the lights, "if you say one word that is not related to a medical emergency that you happen to have during the movie, I am sitting on the other side of the theater".  I actually did move once when he just. wouldn't shut. up. during a movie- we had just started dating- and he's gotten a lot better about it since then.
14

Sigh. I feel your pain. There’s this girl. And I really like her. And we’re dating and all. But when she started talking during Juno last week, I honest to God reconsidered for a moment. Shushing was moderately successful, but still. I know there were only three other people in the theatre, but still! Look, whispering to the person you’re with is ok during the movie, but the movie wasn’t that loud and the people were right behind us.

15

Too bad you didn’t “accidentally” spill your icy drink on the person’s head and down their back. It would have caused a moment’s ruckus (while you apologized profusely) but they would have had to leave the theater and you probably would have gotten applause.

16

I know - I should have gotten up, but to be truthful but 1. I thought they’d calm down and 2. I didn’t want to miss a precious second of DDL’s brilliant performance.

Also, I’d had few pints and a couple-four Delerium Tremens, so I was probably spoiling for a fight!

katie1341: part of the reason I also didn’t want to sic management on them was because we talk in movies too - I thought at first they were drunk or something and therefore neglecting to whisper. When my husband and I talk though, we whisper very very quietly and get right up in the other’s ear - even when we’re two sheets to the wind.

Equipoise: I thought the movie was awesome, easily one of the best I’ve seen this decade. I might have to watch it again next weekend.

don’t ask, you get a high ranking position when I am Queen of the World. Serious. :smiley:

Asimovian, you’re trying to make me feel bad for not going to the Arclight? Man that’s low! :smiley: Actually this isn’t even my usual theater - we went to the one in Palmdale instead of Lancaster because we wanted to have a few at BJs and stagger across the parking lot. There aren’t any restaurants within staggering distance in Lancaster, which I am now sure is part of the reason I never have problems there.

I should have been tipped off when the self-righteous 13 yo brats cut in front of me at the box office.

17

I didn’t have a five dollar drink unfortunately. :frowning:

I did think about picking up an airsoft gun at Walmart on the way home though. I have a really big purse.

18

Glad to hear it! Believe me, the movie doesn’t lose any of its power on repeated viewings. The next one will be better anyway just because Assbitch won’t be there.

19

It’s especially bad when they start lighting their farts with their cigarettes. :wink:

20

I sense a marketing opportunity here. Necco could come up with a line of “Movie Sweethearts” candy. Possible messages: MUTE!, SHUSH!, QUIET!, SHADDUP! and INSERT SOCK! Buy a box, toss as necessary!