I would answer that, but I’m afraid I have to go pray towards Mecca just at the moment…
Unless, of course, Islam is secretly behind the foot-and-mouth crisis, BSE, gauge corner cracking, privatization of the Underground, low recruitment levels for police, teachers and NHS staff, illegal immigrants, the Euro, the Real IRA, Margaret Thatcher and putting sweetcorn on pizza. I wouldn’t be at all surprised. :rolleyes:
I’m impressed the he refrained from bringing in those Set worshipping, Nazi-funding, commie-humping Catholics.
Maybe he’s on some sort of Virgin Mary twelve step program.
So…is there anyplace on earth wehre they Haven’t heard the gospel?
That WAS supposed to be the sign of the END, when the whole world had heard the news.
Crunchy Frog:
It’s even better than that: a tourist in the Holy Land who had never heard of Jesus dying for your sins.
“Let’s vacation in Israel this year, Martha. I hear they’ve got nice beaches…”
No one seems to escape this guy, be they Catholic, Buddist, Hindu, or US marshals from the Wild West.
Part is me is waiting for a guy to point out the hidden cameras, and tell me I’ve been had. But I fear not.
Let me get this straight:
The story in the Bible details God telling Abraham that he has to offer his own son to him, then effectively saying “gotcha” at the last minute.
Sounds to me like this God is pretty-mean spirited.
Furthermore, it’s not exactly a good example of how he never lies. After all, the part where He said:
“Abraham you must sacrifice your son to me”
wasn’t true. Why that might even be construed as…as…a
lie!
Hey I didn’t know Jesus died for our sins, I thought it was in a car crash attempting to deliver a Dominos pizza in 30 minutes. I need a new Bible. The one they gave me at the God-forsaken Methodist church is junk.
Is it just me, or does this one have the vague feel of an infomercial?
“It slices, it dices, it juliennes!” “Wow, I didn’t know that!” “And it’s dishwasher safe!” “I’d be crazy not to buy one!”
“He died to save your sins!” “Wow, I didn’t know that!” “And if you don’t accept him, you’ll fry in Hell!” “I’d be scared not to accept Him!”
::: The studio audience applauds enthusiastically :::
Jack Chick is the Ron Popeil of fundamentalism.
Bwahahahahahah! I had the exact same impression!
“Hey, Baby, come over here and let God show you His looove gift.”
Awww, man! You gave away the ending! Next time put up a ‘Spoilers’ warning.
Or is he just part of a national atheistic conspiracy to undermine Christianity? You be the judge!
Anyway, nothing like a little Reality Distortion Field to brighten your day. Not as good, though, as the one in which a gay priest - with one of Stan’s demons hovering behind him whispering into his ear - breaks down, instantly becomes heterosexual, and accepts Jesus into his fart - er, heart.
Sin City
I was first afflicted by Jack Chick during my AD&D days in middle and high school, when my “friends” tried to rescue me from suicide and witchcraft. I’ve been laughin’ ever since.
-J-
In one panel, the Arab says, “We expect a Muslim flag to fly over the White House by 2010. It will be the end of Christianity in America.” If it doesn’t happen by then, do you think Chicken Man will go back to that tract and change the date? “Oh, sorry, gentle readers, I meant 2020. The Devil caused that typo.”
JayAndrewAllen, you gotta learn to trust the php, man! One click on “Submit Reply” is enough. We and they know how frustrating the board’s performance has been lately, but there’s not much that can be done about it at the moment.
My favorite came from when I was preparing for my wedding a few years back, and was looking over various versions of the traditional wedding vows. One of which, dating to the Middle Ages, kept referring to “God’s Holy Ordinance.”
I just picture God with a bazooka in one hand, and an M-16 in the other. CONVERT OR DIE.
snicker
inkblot
OMG, JAA! I hadn’t read too many Jack Chick tracts, but I just looked at the two you posted here.
Who really thinks that’s what happens with D&D? It boggles the mind to think that people out there really believe there’s that sort of a conspiracy out there centered around a role playing game.
These things are great. Someone should get a bunch of Jack Chick tracts together and adapt them into a Broadway musical. It’s a lock for the Best Comedy Tony.
What I don’t understand is why Debbie did not cast resurection on poor little Marcie. She would loose a level(or a Constitution point, cant remember), but that is nothing major. Sheesh, what a pitiful devil worshiper.
My favorite part of this tract is that it shows the current Middle East conflict as being something God deliberately set up way back when:
God steps in after Hagar has run away, convincing her to go back, so he can make her son the head of a legion of wild men.
God then proceeds to make Isaac the favored son, and future founder of the Chosen People.
God encourages Abrahahm to run off Hagar and Ishmael, to further stir up animosity, I guess.
Now the current situation is due to that animosity, which Jack Chick says God set up. That’s great. Just like putting bugs in a jar and watching them fight.
This reminds me of the old Far Side cartoon, where God has a jar full of people and is shaking it over the Earth. The jar is labeled “Jerks” and God is thinking to himself, “Just to make things interesting…”
You know, Jack Chick tracts would be so much better if Gary Larson was doing all the illustrations.
Tsk tsk, jr8, you should have known that gays are to blame for foot-and-mouth!
Yeah, he’ll update it. I have a bunch of old Chick tracts from the 80’s that have been updated. I have an older version of “Big Daddy” (the anti-evolution one) that has a somewhat different load of bullshit in it than the modern one. And I could swear I used to have a version of one called “The Visitors” where a Mormon missionary was plotting to go back to the temple and “put a curse on” some Christian that had challenged him. Now it has him planning to “report” his partner for listening to the Christian.
I was about to accuse Chick of cravenly discontinuing some of his older, more bigoted and offensive (and therefore amusing) tracts, like “Soul Story,” but I see now that there are scans of them on his website. “The Story Teller” is one that tells about how the Vatican created Islam just to send people to Hell. And check out “The Gay Blade.”
I kinda like Woody Allen’s take on this.