:o Sorry.
I’ve got to stop posting at lunch from work. Performance from home is endurable, but from work it’s like downloading through a taut string attached to two tin cans.
-J-
Sigh !..
I guess it’s up to me then,
***Ooooh Fennnnris, Wheeere arrre yooou ? 
JayAA wrote:
I gave up posting at lunch a long time ago… to be honest, it’s probably not this site as much as it is all the firewalls that your company has set up (and other users sucking up precious bandwidth!)
I’d rather see the off-Broadway version… with full-frontal nudity…
and sodomy! tee hee hee!
(and ass sex!)
full-frontal ass sex! and no lying about it!
You know, reading all of his stuff again, I can’t help but notice that for a guy who considers the Bible to be the greatest work of literature ever, the inerrant word of God, the big JC (Jack, not the REALLY big JC) seems to feel the need to clarify a lot of God’s writing with parenthetical notes. You’d think that He could write a book that didn’t need so much clarification from a wannabe Mad Magazine cartoonist.
The thing that cracks me up the most about the D&D cartoon is that the Eeeeeevil GM has the same surname as I do.
C’mon, Johnny! Every time you read a Chick tract, you’re seeing ass sex: Chick’s having it with himself - he’s inserting his head into his ass on a regular basis. Heck, it’s his modus operandi.
All right! I knew I could count on you guys!
Read “Where’s Rabbi Waxman?” According to this tract, all Jews who don’t accept Jesus as the Messiah are going to Hell. On the tract list page, it says this tract was written especially for Jews. (Guess I shouldn’t have read it.)
Particularly hilarious is “Angels,” Jack’s condemnation of Christian rock. It re-states the old 1950s claims that rock music leads to promiscuous sex and illegal drugs. A group signs a deal with the Devil for fame and fortune and groupies. The group succeeds in spite of songs with lyrics like:
One of the group gets into a homosexual relationship, gets AIDS and dies within three months. All the group ends up dead except for Tom. What saves him?
He reads a Jack Chick tract! A guy in a Jack Chick tract gets saved by reading a Jack Chick tract. :rolleyes:
I have posted this before, but the thing that cracks me up most is how the thief’s player is told to leave the table after her character dies. In every game I’ve ever been a part of we just say roll up another one and get back in.
Quote from “Angels”
[quote]
It’s all over. Everything’s ashes. Bobby died of AIDS, Jimmy OD’ed and Don is in to Vampirism
[quote]
Who the hell has soliloquies like this? How does rock music lead to being a vampire? How does a person get “in to Vampirism”?
I mean I could see that if you went on tour with Marilyn Manson, Slayer, Pantera or any number of other Satan-Rock bands you would probably encounter some wierd shit, but come on! “we’re gonna rock with the ROCK”? That sounds less than Satanic, just really inane.
::shakes head::
Go handle a rattlesnake for me, ok Jack?
MarxBoy
OK, I have just found my favorite Jack Chick tract.
Look at the “Gay Revolutionaries” in The Gay Blade
I love it “Satan’s shadowy world of homosexuality.” Shadowy? Come hang out Jack, you’ll find that the fundies are a hell of a lot more shadowy then the gays.
“To most people the Gay revolution is just a big joke” Fuck you, man. The damned fundies are a much bigger joke to most people than the gays. Just remember that the next time you’re feeling all righteous and hateful. People don’t like you. At all.
I repeat my previous suggestion that you go and handle a bunch of rattlesnakes. After all, the bible says you can do it and not be harmed because you believe in Jesus. The bible is the infallible word of god right? Don’t you believe the bible? Well then you must not believe in Jesus…
MarxBoy
I like the bit in Gay Blade where one of the rampaging mob of homosexuals yells, “Bring them out, that me might know them (sexually)!”
How do you shout paranthesis?
LOL.
I picture that as “Send 'em out so we can know them… No, I mean KNOW them… ahem, sexually…”
Not handling rattlesnakes makes Baby Jesus cry!
jayjay
I wish to report the sighting of a handful of Chick tracts in the wild. Found two copies apiece of The Accident and Sin Busters, plus one of The Crisis stuffed in a drawer of a hospital waiting room. Needless to say, as a servant of Satan, I took the liberty of adding them to my collection so that nobody could possibly be saved by their powerfully lame message.
Well, what he really said was “Bring them out, that we might know them – open parentheses – sexually – close parentheses!”
I like the guy going “I’m going to vomit!” Yeah, you said it… 
I ran across someone handing out tracts in the wild today, but they didn’t have the Jack Chick label that assures us of all that rich fundie goodness.
I look forward to when he turns his sights on the Toronto Airport Christian Fellowship. Yep. God likes to hang out in the Toronto Airport. Come on Jack, show us what losers they are.
We’re waiting.
Since Dark Dungeons was mentioned earlier, I have a story about that to share.
Some fundy literature found on the dining hall table was under discussion w/ some friends I was playing “Mage” with, and I mentioned how the tract said that Role players are all Witches. Ha ha ha! Silly jack!
Three guesses what the religion of the person sitting next to me was. And the first two don’t count if you’re Fenris or Dogsbody.
It was all cool, once I established that my opinion of Wicca/Paganism was/is much different than Jack’s. Still embrassing.
Btw, note the WARNING caption on the bottom. I looked it up. Basically, in Jack’s context, it shopuld read:
Pretty important stuff, I’d say.
He should’ve put it in himself to avoid litigation.
Wait a minute…Exorcism is a CATHOLIC rite…Jack says Catholics are going to hell…
My brain hurts.
I’d really like to take a look into this guy’s head for a few minutes, just to try to find out what the hell he’s thinking. Just checked out Sin Busters - do people really believe you’ll be dragged out of your school and beaten by the police for writing the 10 Commandments on a blackboard?
And what about his example for the 5th commandment “Honor thy father and mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lod thy God giveth thee.” The mother is crying that her baby was only 16. One mourner is telling another that the departed “really hated his mother and father.”
So what, the kid was struck dead for hating his parents? What a warped mind must be needed to think this stuff.
And again towards the end - one student to the other: “Why hasn’t anyone told me about Christ and the 10 commandments?” (Maybe cuz that’s your parents’ job!)
The reply: “Because the evil world system that now controls most schools hates Christ and his message.”
This must not take place in America, where this kid who had never heard of JC and the 10C’s could have watched Charlton Heston in The Ten Commandments nearly every freaking Easter while growing up, and Christmas is a huge (albeit commercialized) deal every December. What the hell did this kid think was going on ever December 25th?
And as for what’s being taught in schools controlled by the evil world system - it must be horrible to live in such paranoia and fear.
I just finished reading It’s Evolution or It’s Jesus Janet. I had no idea witnessing was so easy. So all I need to do is talk to a person (regardless of what kind of schooling they’ve had or what they’re personal beliefs are) and tell them a Bible story. They’ll immediately change their minds and see that they’ve been wrong their whole lives based on ONE BIBLE STORY!
Don’t you see? It’s so simple! Of course the world is only 6000 years old. I can prove it by telling you that the story of Noah and Ark! Forget about how old the Earth was before the Flood. There was a Flood, it says so in the Bible, so that proves the Earth is 6000 years old! Perfectly logical.
I will now convert everyone here by telling you the Bible Story of Joseph and His Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat:
[singing]
Some folks dream of the wonders they’ll do
Before their time on this planet is through
Some just don’t have anything planned
They hide their hopes and their heads in the sand
Now I don’t say who is wrong, who is right
But if by chance you are here for the night
Then all I need is an hour or two
To tell the tale of a dreamer like you
[/singing]
C’mon all you Anrew Lloyd Weber fans, I’m sure I’m not the only one who knows these songs. We’ll have them converted to good little Christians by the Intermission.
Oh, wait… does this count as rock music? Cuz if so, this is a one way ticket to hell.