They should warn guys about hemospermia (perhaps TMI)

So the Mrs. and I were fooling around on Sunday afternoon, things get a little passionate… she begins to ‘pleasure’ me with her hands. I have my eyes closed mid-climax and all of the sudden she stops and gives a stifled scream. “Aahh! It’s brown!”

I look down and I have apparently shot my wad of… chocolate milk? That’s exactly what it looked like. :eek: We were both a little freaked out.

So while I wash up she runs to the internet to see if I’m going to die, and we quickly find out that hemospermia is the presence of blood in the semen, usually caused by a broken blood vessel. It’s not usually serious, but may sometimes be an indication of an infection or prostate problem. I have no pain or discomfort anywhere, and get my prostate checked annually, so we’re not really worried – but I went to the doctor today just to be sure. And yep, he says, it’s probably nothing. Prostate is fine; urine is good; no signs of infection. It’ll probably clear up within a week or so but if not we can see a urologist.

I’m supremely glad that it’s no big deal, but HOLY CRAP! That is NOT what you want to see when you have an orgasm! It’s apparently not that rare, so why don’t they tell men about this in masturbation school? It freaked me out!

So this is my public service announcement: if you’re ever rubbing one out, or someone is helping you with it, and you spew brown goo… don’t panic. It’s probably okay, and if you don’t have any other symptoms it should resolve itself fairly quickly.

The Fella had this problem. We were both fuh-reaked (as you can well imagine) but as I was not the person with the problem, I took it upon myself to look it up online. I don’t think he could bring himself to type ‘blood in semen’. We found out the same thing. The risk of it increases with age (thinning of tissue walls) and increased activity in the area, which he had at the time. (Get your mind out of the gutters–he was doing long training rides for the MS150.)

It cleared up pretty quickly.

Tell me about it! $20k in student loans at Phoenix University and there’s not one mention of this in any of my classes.

I know somebody who was self-taught, home-schooled you would say. I should have gone that direction. :frowning:

Oh, and uh… thanks for the warning.

At least you can reassure your wife “At least it was just a hand job! Can you imagine if I shot that in your…”

Well… maybe that’s not the best idea. :wink:

Want to be the most revered man of all time? Figure out how to get it to taste like chocolate milk. Or a mocha latte. See ya Starbucks, you’re history!

Perhaps” TMI?

Your 80 year old mother telling you her husband has this “issue”.

Thanks mom…i don’t want to know any of this.

Thanks for the heads up.

They probably explained it the day I played hooky, working math problems behind the barn.

Sometimes the condition goes undetected, for that very reason. In fact, I think I would have been happier not finding out. Just thinking about it really kills the mood.

– freak –


So they have CSI lights that make semen glow, and CSI lights that make blood glow…what does the combination look like? Is it the long lost 8th color of the spectrum?

You are especially prone to this condition if you are on blood thinners, like warfarin. Only when it happens to me, it is usually BRIGHT RED, not brown. Fortunately, it doesn’t happen often, and we are both used to it now. My first experience was also during a hand job (well, first that we noticed) and you should have heard the screams!

This happened to me once when I was alone (ahem). I was about 40, and it did completely freak me out. I thought I had broken it, and I didn’t touch it for a week (something of a record for me).

I got it again when I had a prostate biopsy, a couple of years ago. At least the doc warned me about it. It was still gross, but it didn’t make me stop.

Lovecraft’s inspiration?

What happens if you pan-fry it?

I’ve had this twice in the last 20 or so years. Both times my partner said it tasted funny (not like chocolate milk). He can tell what I’ve been eating or drinking by tasting my cum . . . especially what supplements I’ve been taking. He can also tell how long it’s been since my previous orgasm.

Wow. Y’know, they never mentioned this in nursing school, either. Nor is it listed as a possible side effect/risk of warfarin on the package (snicker) insert. It completely makes sense, but I would not have known what to tell a patient who told me his spunk was brown. Since I both teach people about warfarin AND have an aging husband on it, I’m incredibly glad I found out about this in this thread! :eek:

All you need to do is get yourself a vampire boyfriend.

Insert obligatory smiley here.

(ETA: I really did use that line once, in rather less pleasant circumstances. A long time friend of mine (of whom I could truly say: One of my best friends is gay), 10 years older than me, got prostate cancer. A week or two after getting radiation therapy, he told me that he had an orgasm (which I presume was a private love-thyself kind of occasion) and, in his words, “it was all blood”. That’s when I told him he needed a vampire boyfriend. Insert obligatory eekie here :eek: )