Either would work…
Is that what you keep by your front door Lurky? 
Well, I certainly can’t top Wang-Ka, but I do have a kind of neat salesman story. My FIL used to have an entire collection of snakes. The poisonous ones were kept in locked cages, but the non-poisonous ones were left free to roam the hous (kept the mouse population under control). Well, one day an insurance salesman came to the door. FIL says “No, thanks. We have all the insurance we need through my employer”. Well, the salesman persisted, and swore that if he could just come in and talk to them for a while, he was sure they would see the need for additional insurance. Finally, my FIL got fed-up, and said, “OK, come on in”. Once inside the house, he said to MIL, “Betty, would you get Freckles out of the chair so the man can sit down?” When the salesman saw that ‘Freckles’ was a 5-ft. Boa Constrictor, he turned and left, quickly, and without another word.
This is why Im a libertarian. Governement restricts free trade with “no-call” lists for telemarketers. So guess what?
The door to door salesman is coming back!
Well, I can’t say I approve of your actions there Wang-Ka. I’m sure those children were traumatized by the experience. And while I can’t help but think that was an unwise and possibly dangerous course of action… I have a grin plastered over my face. <sigh>
My mother would not be pleased at what I find humorous.
Thanks for the story Wang-Ka. <wipes tears from face>
Hm.
You’re right.
That was probably an incredibly ugly thing to do to those children. It wasn’t their fault that Mommy was out canvassing the neighborhood at that ungodly hour on a Saturday morning, and the fact that I was certainly of a diminished capacity at the time of the incident doesn’t really excuse it.
On the other hand, if she practices what she preaches, she’s forgiven me.
At any rate, I’m sorry. I guess I shood’na done that…
I am in awe of the post that is Wang-Ka’s.
But I’d love to be a door-to-door weapon salesman. Go around knocking on doors and brandishing a broadsword. 
“This is why Im a libertarian.”
This is why I’m NOT! I have no problems with girl scout cookies, band candy and popcorn, but everything else deserves the Wang-Ka or the boa constricter treatment.
“Governement restricts free trade with “no-call” lists for telemarketers.”
There’s no restriction of free trade with no call lists. You can have free trade without bugging people in their own homes. If you can’t do that, then you might want to reconisder “free trade”. BTW, the no call list exists because people NOT in the government WANT it too. The government didn’t just pull it out of their assess.
“The door to door salesman is coming back!”
Uhm…it’s been around for awhile and I seldom deal with door to door salesman in my area. Besides, it’s nowhere near as annoying as telemarketing since it’s not as frequent. A “no soliciting” sign generally takes care of door to door salesman anyway for those who have a real problem with it.
“but everything else deserves the Wang-Ka or the boa constricter treatment.”
Well, not quite(I guess it depends…eheehe), but I don’t blame people for putting up “no soliciting” signs, simply not answering or slamming the door in their faces.
I have 4 dogs* that bark like crazy when someone rings the doorbell. All I have to do is open the door a tiny crack.
Usually whoever rang the bell is already backing away, looking nervous. If they’ve managed to stand their ground, I just say, “I don’t want anything you could possibly be offering to me.” and close the door.
*They’re really nice dogs and wouldn’t hurt anyone. However, from they way they bark and charge the door, no one could tell that.
Had two Jehovah’s Witnesses show up 9 AM THANKSGIVING for lord’s sake.
J.W: “We’re here because many people have misconceptions about us.”
Me: “Yes, I have heard you’re a bunch of fools who don’t know any better than to disturb people on a national holiday.”
Had a politican’s wife and her small son at my door once as I was trying to leave. Born again, anti-gay, christian right, the family had 13 KIDS. I tried to brush her off.
Her: “Won’t your reconsider? Why don’t your like <<politican.>>?
Me. Because he’s a FUCKIN’ NAZI. Now get out of my driveway before I run you over.”
Actually…
I do have a sword leaning in the corner near my front door; not a Toledo-steel broadsword, just a decorative one left over from my costuming days. I also have a cheap costume rapier hanging from a hook on the back porch and a walking staff behind the bedroom door.
Never thought of using any of them to get rid of unwanted salesmen, though.
It never actually occurred to me that I would ever actually use the thing on someone, either. Just a matter of the object in question being in the right place at the right time, I suppose…
I love messing with these people. For a while we were getting them around our neighborhood. I got fed up with it so much last year that when the doorbell rang early saturday morning, I stripped down to my underwear, frazzled my hair up, patted some whiskey on my face, then took a gascan which I had filled with water along with a lighter to the door. I opened the door. They started to talk, but then kind of paused in a rather stunned look from the look/smell of me. Then they nervously started their speil, and while they talked, I sat crosslegged, poured the water from the gascan on my head, then started trying to light the lighter. Their faces turned white and they sucrried off on their bicycles.
They never came back
I look forward to reading more of Wang-Ka’s posts in the future.
I’ve always managed to get rid of salesmen (when I was strapped for time, that is) by simply saying that I was broke.
A question: The garden hose idea interests me, as we have one not 5 ft away from inside the door. Is it legal to turn the hose on peddlers/JW’s?
I have a friend who has a particular trick for telemarketers that I’m guessing would work OK for door-to-door salesmen, too. She tells them she’s “not mentally stable enough to make purchasing decisions”.
Oh, I bet the Jehovah’s Witnesses LOVE her…
Hm…
“The Wang-Ka Treatment”
I think I’m flattered…
I am so glad this thread has been resurrected. I bow in worship at your feet, oh mighty Wang-Ka. I’m new to the boards since you were last posting, but have quickly come to realize that your posts are clearly going to ALWAYS be in my Top Five.
Keep up the good work. (And by the way, what on EARTH were you doing with a large rubber double-ended dildo in your umbrella stand???)
You are not the first person to ask me that.
And despite the fact that the house was occupied by three twenty-one-year-old college guys, NO one has ever asked what the CANE was doing in there.
But I digress.
The dildo was in the umbrella stand partly for shock value, partly for laughs, and partly to keep the Troll’s mother at bay (none of us were terribly fond of her, including the Troll, and she thought that I in particular was dangerously insane). I’d waved it at her once, and she’d fled from the house at top speed.
We kept it handy in case she ever came back, that’s all.