Okay, I removed all the extra posts. And no, it’s not your fault, the server burped, I guess.
The Reader tech people tell us the server will be replaced, probably this week. So . . .it’ll probably get worse, and THEN get better. Hang on, hold on, sorry for the hassle.
your humble TubaDiva/SDStaffDiv
for the Straight Dope
Dating is difficult . . . people get nervous, they want to make a good impression, they’re afraid of being hurt and/or rejected. The footwork gets tricky at times, and probably nowhere as much as it is at the end of the first date.
I can’t speak for all women, but speaking for myself, I want to know that my friend on the other side of the date had a good time . . . that he finds me interesting . . .attractive . . . alluring . . . unless it’s obvious that we’re not tracking at all and then I just want it to be OVER.
That does not mean I want him all over me, but if he is interested, a sign of that interest would be useful. And vice versa; if this is someone I want to go out with again, he’ll know it. If the guy is being oblique, it’s hard to know WHAT’s going on, and I tend to think the worst.
And let’s be real here, there is some double standard that’s, well, standard. A lot of men would be thrilled to find a woman that was experienced, friendly, open . . . but at some point in the fun they start asking themselves “if she’s doing this with me, a guy she hardly knows, what (or who) else has she been doing?” At that point, the woman gets relegated to the “call her up for a good time” list and that’s the end of anything serious. Usually the woman has no clue, because he told her how open minded and experienced HE was.
Here’s a sample conversation between my sister and her husband, a few months after they were married . . . (as related by my sister, way after the fact):
HIM: “Ooh, honey, that’s so . . . amazing. . . you’re so good . . . HEY! WHO TAUGHT YOU THAT?”
MY SISTER: “Um, I . . . read it in a book! Yeah, that’s right! Saw it in a book!”
At that point they had lived together for a few years and were married already, so what was the deal?
Is this one of life’s little mysteries? Just the way guys are? How does a woman who has not spent her life before she went out with this guy in a convent cope with this?
Just curious.
your humble TubaDiva
a casualty of the dating wars
Tub, ITA.
TubaDiva:
You know, this is not so strange. For many men, it’s a need to be able to bragg about having had many partners. They see it as a competition.
At the same time, they are afraid of being compared with other men, a feeling of not being adequate for the job.
So ideally, they want to line up a long row of virgins, to up the number, but not being compared.
I for one have always been grateful for the girl to learn from others, but have to confess to not really respecting a woman who goes to bed with me the first night. Then again, I don’t respect myself either and it usually leave me feeling empty…
When in trouble or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout
I’m saving this thread from pruning because it has relevance for currently active threads.
::bump::