things I have learned from the internet (may contain pie)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

The greatest innovation in communication technology since movable type has opened great resources of information previously unavailanble to mankind. From this pool of knowledge I have learned the following things. Is there more?

  1. All my base apparently no longer belong to me.
  2. There is a bloke in Turkey who wishes to kiss me, and he is fond of table tennis
  3. David Beckham has been a naughty boy (actually he hasn’t)
  4. Claire Swires swallows
  5. I can increase the size of my manhood
  6. The x-10 is a nifty little camera
  7. I can give my credit card number to complete strangers
  8. If I return I should bring pie.
2

Women are longing to take off their clothes for me.
I can earn a university diploma with very little effort.

3

Women agree, size does matter.

4

Anything you can name - anything at all - someone out there has sex with it, writes stories about having sex with it, takes pictures of having sex with it, and/or creates pictures of having sex with it - and discusses it with many others who share the same interest.
Similarly, name any book, TV show, band, movie, or celebrity. Someone out there thinks it is the greatest gift to mankind and will be happy to tell you all about it.

5

Those little remote control cars are not available in stores (apart from the two I bought in a store).

6

Obviously my computer is broadcasting an IP adress… (Umm)

Someone out there wants me to watch a 16 year old virgin slut having sex with a horse… (Only 28 inches horsehood? naw call back when its 36 then I might be interested… NOT)

I might never know what Collette does with her vibrator… (The computer froze before I could find out)

Lonely women with abusive spouses are just waiting to talk to me over the net (Hey do I look like the local agony uncle?)

I am not supposed to feed the troll even when its cute and housetrained…

More later

7

Being the 246,789,312[sup]th[/sup] visitor wins you a prize.

8

If I punch the monkey, I win.

9

Real people have won lots of money playing the Internet casinos. Honest, guv.

10

God owns and operates a website in Signapore.

Free things are available for only the cost of shipping but shipping costs three times the amount I would pay for the item at my local stores.

People with feedback of less than 10 should not be trusted.

Bob is a wanker.

11

If the ad is flashing, I am a winner.

12

Porn can be on my computer, and I might not even know it.

13

A number of lenders would like to contact me about a better mortgage deal.
There are an almost infinite number of people in corrupt African nations who need my help to get their hands on a substantial amount of cash.
Herbal Viagra is available without a prescription.

Some classics:
Canter and Siegel can help me realize my dream of living and working in the US.
There is a man named David Rhodes, and he had his car repossessed before discovering the secret of Making Money Fast!

14

E-mail promising to protect me from Yiddish jazz music may actually contain it.

After the dotcom crash, companies merged. I now get a single email selling farm porn, Viagra, and lower mortgage rates.

15

Tiffany TinyTits is new to the area, and would like to hook up, xoxoxoxoxox lololololol.

Heh. Can’t wait until UncleBeer sees this. :smiley:

16

[ul]
[li]Life before the World Wide Web was meaningless.[/li][li]Even though I am a woman, many people guarantee that they can increase my penis size by 3".[/li][li]I am easily amused. (those dancing hamsters are soooooo cute)[/li][li]Spam – it’s not just for breakfast.[/li][/ul]

17

Someone has a crush on me via ecrush

My computer security may be at risk and I need to check it immediately.

I’ve just won $115 in prizes just for clicking on the flashing banner!

I’ve also won an all-expenses paid trip to Disneyworld and/or Cancun.

Wee Bull is not Bob’s friend.

18

I can fix my love life through personal ads, because a well-educated professional who shares my interests and lives in my town is searching for me… right… now.

If the ad is flashing, I am a winner. Unless I have epilepsy.

19

We are educated stupid.

We word-murder our children.

20

That if by some accident you enter a incorect site, it is ALWAYS the one that will NOT LET YOU LEAVE.

Pop ups are annoying, I would not be surprised if they did not induce seizures in some people as quick as some of the ads pop up.

Apparently I am rich and have unclaimed money (Which means I am stupid for sitting here broke right?)

When you think you have seen it all, you have not… some one else will shock you, even tho you SWORE you were unshockable after the last event.

There is intelligent life out there (who is single and sweet and cute), and sadly it is always someone who lives in another country.

Forwarded email NEVER EVER die, they circulate forever!