If people winked in real life as much as they do online, facial ticks would be commonplace.
I can enlarge my penis size.
I can enlarge my breast size.
Why can’t I do both? I’d be a real hit in some quarters.
I learned that Bill Gates is beta testing a program of his and he will give me a check for $153.56 if I forward it on to everyone in my inbox (and the guy who sent me it got THREE checks!)
Craig Shergold is dying of a brain tumor and wants me to send him my business card so he can get into the Guinness Book of World Records.
I learned that a duck’s quack does not echo, and no-one knows why!
The SDMB is the most fun I can have online without naked teenage sluts.
I can make 2500$ while I work at home.
I’ve got mail.
Soy sauce wants to show me and show you.
The administrators wants to thank me for posting.
Heh heh.
Jack Ruby and Lee Harvey Oswald once put on a rock concert.
Most e-mail is spam. Many times you find out you have been subscribed to a mailing list, and recieve much spam. Spam sucks. I hate Spam. But the Straight Dope Mailing List is not spam. It is sent by Cecil directly to you, the reader. It contains all his worthile -which would be all of- his SD columns, which happen to be shown on the Chicago Reader. It is not spam. It is not horny housewives, lower mortgage rates, poor people in Nigeria, that damn chainletter supposedly from 1863, or Tentacle Gangbangs from Mars[sup]TM[/sup]. The Straight Dope Mailing List is Timeless Wisdom, three days sooner.
Lesbians want, above all else, cock. In particular, mine.
You can be jealous now. 
Teen girls like to take 31 inch horse cock, and the evidence is available on links sent to my e-mail by Mortgage aprovers, apparently.
Whatever extreme political stands someone takes, little searching can show someone who supports positions even more extreme. Similarly, whatever perversions you can imagine, you can find a website for people who practice it, website specifically for gay people who practise it, and mailing list where people swap pictures of antropomorphized animals doing it to each other.
The best way to not get spam is to have a spam-catching account. Hmmm… perhaps the best way to not get junk mail is to have a second house?
NPR reported today…
Rock bottom prices just for Shirley Ujest.
I am paying to much for my cell phone, cable/satellite and auto insurance.
If you spank the monkey, you go blind.
Sig Line!
I need a lawyer and I did not even no it!!! Oh my…
I am pre-approved for 16 different credit cards!!! Party time…
I can get a free cell phone!!! What can I do with the 7 I already have?
Oh, and I pay too much for my insurance. But none of them can ever beat the rates I am already getting…
I can lose weight while I sleep. (Do you suppose by any chance it’s because I’m not eating while I sleep???)
I can find out the truth about my neighbor over the internet. (I thought that’s what surveillance cameras and telescopes were for.)
I can get unsolicited stock buy recommendations from random strangers. (Sure, why not!)
Financial advice is more important and trustworthy if they use lots of exclamation points.
The WTC towers collapsed because the NSA put timed explosives in the sub-basement, and the planes that hit them were either piloted by remote-control, or were digitally created special effects.
Fb- is one prolific dude.
Wandering knock-off perfume salesmen aren’t just poor schmucks who can’t get a decent job, they’re actually kidnappers and rapists.
Haunted sticks are valuable commodities.
And, naturally, my penis is way too small to ever be if any practical use.
On the up-side, I learned how to make a wild-mushroom risotto that actually delivers on the promises made by the purveyors of “pheremone-enhanced after-shave.”