Never chase a roadrunner, you will end up dead in some comical way.
Taking asprin while falling great distances will not change the fact that when you crawl out of your body outlined hole, you will have stars around your head.
Canarys need no acutal wings in order to fly.
Aerodynamics never apply.
All animals do have opposable thumbs.
Somewhere, out there, someone makes perfect zip-up lonney toons suits.
Rabbits are not allowed to have Trix.
Leprechauns do not have a pot of gold, only marshmallows.
The result of Pikachu shocking a bad guy will result in an explosion with the exception of the bad guy being wet. This lets the bad guy explain that wet clothes conduct electricity.
Carrots will keep for ever.
Don’t mess with the Grey Rabbit!
Getting hit by a large/heavy/hard object,
(Anvil, piano, moving van, etc.) wil cause the victim
to flatten or shatter, not bleed.
Smokers don’t actually inhale…they just blow the smoke.
Cartoons generally wear white cotton gloves with only 3
fingers plus an opposable thumb…its a 'toon thing, you
wouldn’t understand.
There I am, in serious culture mode, classical music playing, when suddenly my mind fills with visions of Bugs Bunny & Elmer Fudd. Thanks, Chuck Jones, et al.
Limbs can be stretched for several feet, sometimes yards, with no ill effect.
Beings can be choked until their eyes bug out, waaaaayyyy out, and, again, no long term problems.
Certain species of ducks can have their bills blown off and restored by merely snapping them back on.
Never, under any circumstances, piss off Bugs Bunny because, of course, you will realize that it would mean war.
Mice ALWAYS cut perfectly shaped holes in baseboards.
Coyotes, road runners, rabbits, ducks, and humans are all about the same height.
Unclothed male animals have internal genitals.
There are no known pills, earthquake, or otherwise, that are effective against road runners.
Coyotes have excellent credit ratings.
All chickens have pre-hensile wings.
Cartoon telescopes are far more advanced than anything in the real world by giving the viewer the ability to see someone on another planet.
Jane will never be able to stop “this crazy thing.”
Anyone can eat a sandwich bigger than their bodies in one gulp and, thankfully, their throats will expand accordingly.
Wheels on cartoon cars are rarely attached to their chassis’.
Firing six-shooters into the ground will propel shooter into the air.
Also, most six-shooters have the ability to shoot dozens of rounds without being re-loaded.
Bullets are able to control themselves in flight.
Anyone who begins running will back up slightly while their legs churn until they reach optimum torque and take off at top speed.
Roadrunners and coyotes have hip joints that allow their legs to rotate 360 degrees while running.
Anyone can be fooled by a disguise as simple as a hat.
Any object that a character may need, no matter how improbable or hard to get, is always either just off-camera or in their breast pocket. This also holds true for signs.
Every container is labeled.
It’s possible to hang onto a ledge/clothesline/tree limb by only the last joint of your pinkie finger.
Changing clothes quickly can be achieved by spinning rapidly.
- SHOTGUNS: Gun barrels are made of very hard steel which becomes very soft and elastic in the paws of a rabbit. Never put the barrel of a shotgun into a rabbit burrow because the rabbit can either:
A: seperate the barrels and tie them together
B: Stretch the barrels out the other end of their burrow and turn them so that when you pull the trigger you shoot yourself in the ass.
If you are shot with a shotgun at close range your face will turn black and your hair will all stick up and back. If you are a duck, your bill will fall off. Your clothes will be charred and damaged. Vigorously shaking your head side to side can remove the soot from your face and repair your clothes in a couple seconds.
If you are running away from someone and they shoot you with a shotgun at a distance, you might not notice that youb have been hit until you drink water, when the water will pour out of all the holes they made in you. The water will be under enough pressure to travel a foot horizontally before it falls in an arc.
2. COYOTES: Coyotes are very cunning and clever but not very wise. If a coyote falls off a cliff in monument valley it will fold up like an accordian on hitting the ground. It will also make accordian sounds as it walks away.
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A creature’s probability of escaping any conflict unharmed is directly proportionate to it’s cuteness and inversely proportionate to it’s size. This is especially true of mice and chipmunks.
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Roosters enjoy tormenting dogs. They are egotistical and manipulative and not as bright as they think themselves to be.
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Moose and flying squirels make lasting friendships with one another. The fall of the Soviet Union and the Costa Nostra were probably accelerated by the stupidity of a moose and the cleverness of a flying squirel.
HB characters always run with their arms firmly pressed against their sides. Like watching Riverdancers jog.
And then there are the Anime Laws of Physics
Huh?
You can wear the same clothes all the time without changing or washing them
You can disguise yourself with nothing more than a Groucho Marx Glasses/Nose/Mustasche
If a sandwich is too big, you can take a string and tie it down so it’s smashed
Tall, skinny attractive women are attracted to short/fat tall/fat men who look like rejects from Easter Island
Men don’t have nipples
Even neanderthal men can get three hot women to party and hang in the cave, if they have a big club and beat the villian.
That humor and contorl over the mexican bullets will get you out of everything.
All cartoons want to cross over to real world, they just have to wait for a guy in jail to create the portal.
Brad Pitt is the sheriff of a cartoon city.
Guinastasia… I posted a description of any episode of Jonny Quest !
Only the absolute best Cold War cartoon there ever was, baby! (I’m just really old!)
When you want to appear muscular, simply inhale deeply. This results in your body taking on a very muscular shape. Be careful when trying this, though. Holding your breath for an extended period of time results in you turning various primary colors, sometimes accompanied by a rapid expulsion of the air, resulting in your being propelled backwards through the air.
Doctors always wear that mirror thing around their heads, a white doctor’s coat, and a stethoscope. They always prescribe two aspirins (followed by a phone call the next morning) or a shot from a gigantic syringe.
Wimpy midgets who wear brown suits and glasses are always married to 7 feet tall 250 pound shrewish women carrying a rolling pin.
In the new Johnny Quest, the white-haired man has a red-haired daughter that also goes with the adventures. The Indian friend is really a prince, and sometimes the girl is flirting with the Indian, somtimes with Johnny. Undecided girl.
Huh, this isn’t what I expected when I saw the thread title. I was all excited because I thought finally someone would validate my position that I learned a lot from cartoons.
I learned what “pulchritude” means, from the phrase “pulchritudinous pachyderms.” In fact, I learned a whole lot of neat vocabulary. “Pusillanimous,” that’s another good one.
I learned old-fashioned stereotypes and idioms that I never would have heard otherwise. I learned who was on which side in WWII, and that the Romans were decadent, and that people in Brooklyn talk a lot differently than people in LA.
I heard great quantities of classical music. The Barber of Seville and Hungarian Rhapsody being favorites. I also heard a lot of excellent hot jazz in the real old cartoons such as Popeye.
Then they started making Hanna Barbera cartoons, which are just stupid.
DAVEW0071
Heck, our puppy obviously knows this law, since she demonstrates it every time we take her out for a walk!
Yes, our little Warner Brothers cartoon of a chihuahua tends to be rather enthusiastic for her walk, and the apartment building’s porters are effective with the floor polisher, and of course we have her in harness and leash.
People in the lobby have to sit down on couches from laughing too hard to stand up!
Having a sense of humor allows you to alter the laws of physics.
Evil is unlucky.
Violence is fun.