Things you've learned from watching cartoons

You won’t actually fall from a cliff until you notice you’ve stepped off the edge.

Getting shot point-blank will result in your face getting sooty and the edges of your clothes getting singed.

If you stick your finger in the gun barrel, though, the gun will explode and the shooter will be the one who gets sooty and singed.

The laws of physics is influenced by what is the funniest or most unlikely outcome.

You can buy anything you need from the Acme Company.

You CAN get away with it, if not for meddling kids.

Elephants are terrified of mice.

You can always tell when there are mice in your house, because they make these perfectly shaped arch-like entrances in your wall.

Mythbusters proved that one true. Maybe not terrified but startled and wary and avoided the mouse.

YouTube link.

Our stone age ancestors lived lives not unlike our own with technology based on live animals.

Japanese school-girls all:
(1) have enormous eyes, with no trace of an epicanthic fold;
(2) can have any hair colour except for black, including pink, blue and green;
(3) wear their sailor-suit school uniforms with the hem at least 30 cm above their knees;
(4) in order to save Tokyo from monsters or aliens, can either (a) magically transform into princess costumes, in which they use English phrases to defeat the enemy, or (b) pilot large robots with no training to save Tokyo, and the rest of the world.

  1. Knowing is half the battle.

  2. Laser Rifles are the most inaccurate weapons ever invented.

  3. Robeasts, for all of their vicious appearance, can ALWAYS be slain by a single sword strike from above, cleaving them in twain, providing that said sword stroke is IMMEDIATELY followed by a horizontal slice across the midsection.

Robeast corollary: Lotor and Haggar will never realize this fatal flaw in their Robeast designs, nor will the members of Voltron ever realize that they should just begin every fight against a Robeast with said method.

  1. There is no problem or mystery that can not be solved with Gymnastics.

  2. Any reports of paranormal activity should immediately trigger an investigation into the activities of Farmer Dan, the butler, the chauffeur, any recent arrivals into town and local loners; and into the possibility of a cache of valuables gone missing in the area.

  3. Musicians are excellent at solving mysteries.

  4. Teenagers are excellent at solving mysteries.

  5. Animals can talk. And they’re generally excellent at solving mysteries.

  6. Teenage animal musicians are not, despite all indications, the best at solving mysteries. Looking at you, Jabberjaw.

  7. Villains–no matter how mean looking–generally have pretty tame plans for world domination and pretty much no foresight.

Hunting seasons are mutually exclusive.

There are only two ways to turn at Albuquerque, and both are wrong.

When you attempt to run from danger, your legs will at first spin in a circle around your body, leaving you stranded in place for a few seconds.

This is what actually happens with our cats, when they attempt to make a rapid getaway on the hardwood floor or the linoleum. So, for this one case, cartoons are accurate.

Except our cats never make that hitting-the-tin-pan cacophony that Hanna-Barbera characters make when they try this.

But it will not work in the way you want it to.

One creature always wins and the other always loses.

You can parachute to safety when your helicopter is hit by a missile. If you’re in a tank, you and your comrades can always jump out of the top hatch and run to safety befire it explodes.

Banana peels are really, really dangerous.

The brains of small desert birds are superior to those of coyotes.

Skunks are neither discerning nor discriminating when making romantic decisions (or maybe it’s not a skunk thing so much as a French Foreign Legion thing).

It is okay to run off a tall cliff or building so long as one does not realize the fact; it’s only the subsequent realization that one is in the air that is dangerous.

Killing a duck with a headshot can be problematic, in that, when you think you’ve blown his head off, he has actually retracted it into his shoulders.

And even a direct hit will result only in the duck’s bill getting spun around to the back of his head.

Cats have trouble differentiating baby kangaroos from giant mice.

Pottsylvania is our implacable rival. Luckily, they put all their effort into killing moose and squirrel.

Watch out for that tree!

Hunters never actually kill or catch anything (for long). (Exception: the Hunter. He is the only one who can catch the Fox).

Roger Ramjet is our man, hero of the nation.