…that horseshoe magnets are activated by willpower.
That you can blow up a balloon with your breath and it will float.
That you will gain the personality of any animal whose blood you are transfused with.
Ditto for diseases unique to said creature.
That when you start a car, it will always back up a little bit before it goes forward.
Gravity only works when you notice it.
BTW, what scary ass cartoons are you watching?
I’m watching Bugs Bunny.
From Bugs Bunny I learned that a plane won’t crash if it runs out of fuel before hitting the ground.
When you run, you’ll stay in place for a few seconds before starting to move.
Oh, and I almost forgot, if you’re some kind of hero fighting bad guys, and you get thrown into a wall, you’ll leave an dent or imprint in the wall, without breaking any bones or in any other way getting badly hurt.
I learned …
The most potent fuel source in the universe are atomic carrots.
There is indeed life on Mars, but it’s only one short guy with a bunch of his pets.
If some stinkin’ little rabbit can survive being hit by a falling piano, then so can I!!!
I learned that Pismo Beach is really, really hard to get to. But that is geography, not science.
Shotgun pellets do not scatter from the barrel, but rather converge upon the buttocks of a fleeing person/animal once said person/animal has just crested the top of a hill.
Cement dries approximately 0.03 seconds after contact with any villain.
Moving very quickly will always result in a cloud of dust being stirred up, even in apparently sterile conditions.
If a person/animal is forced into a small space, then they will retain that shape for a short time upon exiting it. Reverting back to their original shape is always accompanied with a ‘popping’ sound’.
The ACME[sup]TM[/sup] corporation is the Microsoft of the cartoon world.
Uh, that’s still true in the real world as well. You’re now just dealing with a glider.
If an explosive detonates next to you, you won’t get hurt, your clothes will just get mangled and you’ll have black marks on your face.
If you fall from a great height you wont get hurt, you’ll merely take the shape of an accordian, play a few notes, then pop back to your normal shape.
Biology:
Mice eat cheese. Nothing else, just cheese.
A cat’s fur is actually a suit it wears like long underwear.
Cats always swallow mice and birds whole. This means that if the cat can be forced to cough the mouse or bird up, it will be unharmed.
Medicine:
Getting hit in the head causes amnesia, which can be cured by a second concussion.
Powerful electric shocks cause a person’s bones to glow visibly through their flesh.
Hypnosis is an incredibly powerful mind control technique that unscrupulous persons can use to turn people into robot slaves.
When people get extremely angry, their heads get so hot that steam boils out of their ears.
Astronomy:
Outer space is navy blue.
Astronauts always were full pressure suits inside their spaceships because, well, that’s what people in space wear.
The moon is about 50 feet wide, and during it’s crescent phase you can get hung up on the point of one it’s horns.
Oceanography:
Whales are cavernously hollow inside. If you’ve been swallowed by one, you’ll be stranded among all the other debris the whale’s ingested. The best way to get out is to tickle the whale or create lots of smoke. This will cause the whale to eject you from it’s spouthole on a big geyser of water.
Seawater is transparent enough that on the ocean bed you will have plenty of wavering greenish light to see objects miles away.
Wearing a facemask enables a person to remain under water comfortably for hours.
The addition of any random chemical to a solution will cause either superpowers, a Jeckle/Hyde transfromation, or an explosion.
Usually all three.
Dentistry:
Teeth (
) are both remarkable fragile and flexible–i.e. they are always being knocked out, cracked, swinging back and forth as if attached by hinge–as well as being completely regenerative. They can also be replaced by piano keys. But not for long.
You can travel anywhere with a little red wagon, a tub full of water, and an outboard motor.
Here are some good ones.
Get struck by lightening and you will either be black and crispy for a few frames or you will be endowed with new super powers. That’s simple meteorology/biology.
Also, no matter what feat of physical strength is required, you will be able to do it if you eat your spinach. That’s just simple nutrition.
A cape does not always grant you the ability to fly, but if you throw it over your head you will have a makeshift parachute which will allow you to gently float down to safe landing from any height. That’s simple aerodynamics.
A space modulator is evidently the most powerful device in the universe.
Any water you nonchalantly imbibe after being subjected to a close-range blast from a shotgun will instantly trickle out of the numerous holes left by the shot.
Mice will go to any length to persue cheese. Likewise, small birds will go to incredible lengths to persue worms. Cats will persue both mice and birds with equal effort. Dogs will always persue cats, and will often form a pact with mice/birds which will afford the dog the oppurtunity to chase the cat while the mouse/bird benefits from canine protection. Dogs’ ony natural enemy is the dogcatcher, who wields the deadly net-on-a-stick.
If you accidentally lock yourself into a paddywagon, you will be imprisoned as if you were an actual criminal.
All insane people are required to wear straightjackets, and to gibber while making crazy faces.
Spooky mansions are always inhabited by ghosts, vampires, monsters, or mad scientists.
Corollary: if the spooky mansion is inhabited by a mad scientist, tonight’s forcast calls for thunderstorms.
If you really need a ghost to scare someone, but you don’t have a spooky old mansion on hand, all you have to do is cover yourself with flour. No one will know the difference.
Skunks don’t release musk when threatened, they always smell bad. In fact, skunk stence is so powerful that is will cause flowers to wilt, grass to die, and birds to drop from the sky. Skunk stench is easy to see coming, as it exists as wavy, green lines. Should you expect skunk exposure in a friend, look for the tell tale signs of rigidity and greenish skin tone (not to be confused with motion sickness, which results in limpness and greenish skin tone).
Henchmen are always mindnumbingly stupid, which ends up ruining their boss’ plans. Any flashes of insight they may have will be ignored, resulting in the same outcome.
Whenever there are two sides engaged in a laser-gun shootout, the lasers will be color coded to make it easier to identify friend from foe.
Corollary: laser weapons always propogate at sublight speeds, allowing them to be dodged.
Interestingly, cheese is very, very unhealthy for mice, not unlike chocolate for dogs.
Back to the thread at hand: I’ve learned that most problems in life can be solved by spinning around them very very fast.