Oh, my my, ‘fuck you,’ only makes you what they are. For crying out loud don’t stoop to that level.
Oh, I also forgot to give some info for thse ignorant people on what’s the best all around thing to say when you are curious about someone, it is [& do memorize it]:
“What’s the story about that -----?”
IE: ‘Whats the story about your deafness?’
IE: ‘Whats the story behind that cast?’
Pretty safe after that initial, how are you?
I would help someone through a door if he/she were too loaded down with packages to open the door, or in a wheelchair and unable to reach the door. I would consider the important thing to be what the person clearly cannot do than what I might imagine to be the disability.
Well, I won’t defend myself-I just said what works for me. After years of explainations and defending myself against morons, I have found it MOST effective. And, word has gotten around and almost no one bugs me anymore 
You do it your way, I’ll do it mine.
And, to answer the question of if you should help someone who looks like they need it, I usually just say “can I help you with that?”
I have yet to make anyone mad and they usually say yes. Plain and simple.
A friend is someone who likes you even though you’re as ugly as a hat full of assholes.
Zettecity
One of my friend’s has MS she needs a cane to help her a great deal of the time, but what ticks me off is some of the looks she gets because she has a “handicapped” card and her other car has “handicapped” plates.
After the Super Bowl win of the Broncos in 97, we went to the parade to cheer on our team. We sat in a section close to our beloved team (you could literally see the faces of the players) People looked on as though the section we were in were filled with creepy people, which ticked me off beyond understanding. We rented a wheel chair for her for the day because we knew damn well that she wouldn’t be able to stand all day, nor sit on cold hard concrete for 6 hours. Her MS thankfully has not prevented her from doing the things she loves to do.
My body is able to do a lot, and I never look at someone with pity, I look at them as stronger and more willful than I will ever be. Which makes them a better person than me.
BTW, it never hurts to be polite to anyone by asking them if they would like help with the door no matter the circumstances. Heck, even as a woman, I will hold the door open for a man. I always say thank you to a strange man who has stopped to open the door for me.
Being polite should be universal, and always considered no matter what.
Where’s Emily Post when you need her?
opinion - a belief held often without positive knowledge or proof.
oppress - to burden harshly, unjustly, or tyrannically.
don’t oppress my ability to have an opinion
My daughter (12 years old, w/ cerebral palsy) also hates the “gee, that looks like fun, I wish someone was pushing ME around” response to her wheelchair. However, because she uses her wheelchair only rarely in recent days (in fact, it hasn’t been out of the garage in 9 months), this stupidity is a thing of the past for her – no one ever says “gee, those crutches look like fun, wish I could have me a pair of them!”
Her new pet peeve is people who ask, “What does it feel like to have CP?” She (in common with the vast, vast majority of people with CP) has had CP since birth. She responds politely (“I don’t know, I’ve always had CP.”) because I make her. However, she has informed me that when she is grown-up and I can no longer open a can of whup-ass on her, she plans to respond, “I don’t know. How does it feel to be an ass-hole?”
Jess
Full of 'satiable curtiosity
There is a strain of degenerative hip disease in my family. My Grandmother and Great Uncle, my Mother and Aunt, my Cousin have all had it. So, between that, and my having worked at an adult day care center, I’m pretty used to folks using mobility aids (canes, walkers, wheelchairs, etc…). If I see someone who may need help, I either go ahead and open the freaking door, or just ASK them if I can help them somehow. You’re allowed to talk to them, you know?
Ranger Jeff
*The Idol of American Youth *
Riders In The Sky
Maybe I am reading this in a way that is unintended and that those who ask your daughter this question are asking with a lack of respect.
I think you and your daughter are missing a wonderful opportunity to educate others about her disability by discouraging people from asking her what it is like.
I work with a severely disabled woman (she has spina-bifida). People, mostly children, but adults as well, have asked her what it is like to be in a wheelchair and how it feels to have this disease. She welcomes the opportunity to explain why she looks the way she does, what it feels like, how she does certain things (expecially when kids ask her how she used the bathroom). When she is finished explaining, they come away knowing that although she looks different, she is a very real person. That you can talk to her. That she is intelligent. They no longer think she looks scary or helpless, because she has shown them that she can do a lot of the same things they do, but now they understand how she does them.
Understanding a persons disability takes away the fear and lets others see past the disability and see the person.
I hope you don’t take offense, none is meant because I do not know the situation with your daughter, but JMHO - Do you think that telling your daughter to react to these people in that way could somehow be telling her that she should be ashamed or angry for being disabled? Wouldn’t it be better to explain to her that people are simply curious about things they are not familiar with? That she could use these questions to not get angry, but to teach others about her disability so that they may understand instead of fear?
>^,^<
KITTEN
Seven days of sex makes a whole week.
I agree Diane…I would much rather be asked about my son, than to be stared at and tittered about.
We are, each of us angels with only one wing;
and we can only fly by
embracing one another
I’ve got a question. My son is at the age where he is starting to notice/comment on the differences between people, and I’m wondering what the best way is to explain to him why some people are disabled (and how to handle it when he says/does something rude)
The other day, we were out shopping and I’d spent the whole afternoon trying to explain to him that he was to big for the stroller and he had to walk. Well, as we were about to go home, a lady rolls by in her electric wheelchair and my son shouts “Hey you’re too big for that, you need to walk”. Talk about mortified! Luckily she was across the street and probably German so I’m hoping that she didn’t hear/understand. So, I spend a good part of the afternoon trying to explain to him why she can’t walk but he’s just not getting it. He thinks that she needs a shot or something. He’s also having trouble understanding how other people might feel, since he’s not the sensitive type. Kids.
So, until I can get some manners into the child, what is the best way to handle it when he says something like that and the person hears it? I don’t want to offend anyone or hurt their feelings. Hopefully, this won’t happen again, but with little kids you never know.
Thanks in advance!
I hope I can address this issue (again) briefly. I’ll try.
First, there is a difference between someone inquiring about a disability (like- hey! what’s up with the cane?) and saying shit like “boy, that looks fun! can I use your wheelchair”. BIG DIFFERENCE. I never give a “*uck you” (I’m trying so hard to be nice here) to anyone who asks about my back problem. Some users here know firsthand that I will share ANY and ALL info I can for the sake of helping someone else.
My rules? When someone says “hey! what’s up with the spine surgery?” I tell them whatever they want to know.
When someone says “Hey! Must be awesome to stay home all day doing nothing. I’de trade places with you any day” they get the big “*uck you”.
See the difference?
Most disabled people wish they weren’t. Duh. Why rub it in by saying insensitive crap about their wheelchairs or work schedule or whatever? Some people only learn through very blunt rudeness (sad but true)
Rude question, rude answer. Nice question, nice answer.
And…don’t forget. A permanent disability is not a broken leg. Think about how aggravating it gets after the 20th time you have to tell the story of how you broke your leg on the ski slope. Now try explaining the same thing, over and over for 10 years. Or 20. See what I mean?
If people with disabilities want to discuss their deal, that’s their perrogative. Don’t forget they also have the right to say “I don’t want to talk about it”.
A lot of people with chronic pain and disabilities also suffer from depression (which probobly accounts for some of my "*uck yous).
Just some food for thought. No one is wrong and only the person with the problem can know how to react.
A friend is someone who likes you even though you’re as ugly as a hat full of assholes.
Zettecity
I was just talking with a guy at church about this. There’s a girl there with MS, I think it is, and I never quite know what do for her. Struggling through industrial strength outer doors is an easy situation to size up. I help. But once I tried to help her get her crutches as she (in my view) struggled toward them using chairs and tables for support, and I got snipped at.
We were saying that there seems to be a lot of pain there about not being “normal” and being treated differently. Another girl with similar “problems” there is much more adjusted, I think, but then she’s 29 or so and not 20. I was saying I hope that age and maturity (and maybe some nice guy) can go a long way toward easing her into a place where it simply exists. I have the feeling she’s been patronized a good bit before.
As for what people say, yes, even I can identify with dealing with social idiots. I have the, well, to make even a joke about it being a disability would almost be insulting to those with real ones, let’s say small irritation of people underestimating my age by 10 plus years. The problem is that so many women think they would be delighted to have that happen to them. It never occurs to them that someone might have issues about it and that it might imply that they don’t think you can function on a level commensurate with your age.
So I can excuse the ones that simply make a bad guess, because, after all, guessing is just guessing, and I would hate to have to guess their weight or something.
But the ones that do irritate me and I still remember are the ones that have visible proof of my age, and then still make some comment like, “Oh, you don’t look old enough to… Have a credit card… have a college degree…” etc.
Fortunately for me, I can improve my situation by working out, and have done so somewhat, but to a (maybe very) small extent, I identify with ya’ll out there who get the idiot comments. Some people just don’t have any experience with this kind of thing to teach them what they would like done to them if they were in the same situation. And I think you’re always going to meet people who are just in outer space. See the psycho co-workers thread.
Tater,
how old is your child? Just for the record, I don’t think most people get upset by comments from kids. (I don’t anyway). It’s the adults that I cannot believe have such a lack of common sense.
Kids don’t know better…most adults are aware of that
A friend is someone who likes you even though you’re as ugly as a hat full of assholes.
Zettecity
My son is four. I know that most people give leeway to a child, but I’m afraid that he might say the wrong thing to someone who is feeling really bad (like maybe they just got paralyzed and it’s there first time out). I just don’t want him to grow up and be like these idiots I’m hearing about!
I never get offended by children’s curiosity. Often if I hear a child asking his parent about the noises my son makes, I say to them… Ethan cant speak words like you do so he communicates a bit differently . or… if it is about his arms or legs… the same thing to try to make the child or my son not feel self conscious…kids are kids and they are naturally curious about something or someone a little different.
We are, each of us angels with only one wing;
and we can only fly by
embracing one another
>> Maybe I am reading this in a way that is unintended and that those who ask your daughter this question are asking with a lack of respect. I think you and your daughter are missing a wonderful opportunity to educate others about her disability by discouraging people from asking her what it is like. I work with a severely disabled woman (she has spina-bifida). People, mostly children, but adults as well, have asked her what it is like to be in a wheelchair and how it feels to have this disease. She welcomes the opportunity to explain why she looks the way she does, what it feels like, how she does certain things (expecially when kids ask her how she used the bathroom). When she is finished explaining, they come away knowing that although she looks different, she is a very real person. That you can talk to her. That she is intelligent. They no longer think she looks scary or helpless, because she has shown them that she can do a lot of the same things they do, but now they understand how she does them. Understanding a persons disability takes away the fear and lets others see past the disability and see the person. I hope you don’t take offense, none is meant because I do not know the situation with your daughter, but JMHO - Do you think that telling your daughter to react to these people in that way could somehow be telling her that she should be ashamed or angry for being disabled? Wouldn’t it be better to explain to her that people are simply curious about things they are not familiar with? That she could use these questions to not get angry, but to teach others about her disability so that they may understand instead of fear? <<
Perhaps I was unclear in my post. Dori does a lot of explaining about her disability, and has no problem with talking about CP, what it is and how she (and others) deal with it. Dori’s problem is with the specific question, “How does it feel to have CP?” She thinks that this is a stupid question in that it is unanswerable. She has always had CP and is no more knowlegable about how it feels NOT to have CP than an able-bodied person is about HAVING CP.
Jess
Full of 'satiable curtiosity
Just because someone has a disability it doesn’t mean they are obligated to educate the world about it. If people are rude enough to ask personal questions they have to expect to get told off once in a while. Why do we expect people with disabilities to be saints? I don’t expect people without physical problems to be saints.
AMEN!! Although I was born on All Saints Day, I’m far from it
And, don’t forget- the original post was in reference to co-workers saying stupid shit about Gr8Kat’s scooter like:
I wonder if these people would be stupid and insensitive to tell a deaf person they were envious of them when the band they’re listening to is too loud. “Boy, sure wish I was deaf. You wouldn’t believe how loud this band is!”
Hopefully not, but probobly so.
Sad…
A friend is someone who likes you even though you’re as ugly as a hat full of assholes.
Zettecity
“Why do we expect people with disabilities to be saints?”
It’s all those stupid quasi-inspirational after school specials and Reader’s Digest articles. In a similar vein, have you ever noticed that we now expect people who are dying to get all noble and wise and solemn and self-actulized while everbody ELSE falls apart? It’s become one more thing to stress about when you are being pulled, kicking and screaming, into that dark night.
I think you are teaching your child and those around him that his disability is something that can be talked about and not hushed up like something to be ashamed about.
>^,^<
KITTEN
Seven days of sex makes a whole week.
tater, it’s just a phase. But you should really try to talk to kids about these things. I often have to have my friend talk to kids about my deafness & once she does, she shows them how to sign money, so the kids always asking me for money. Two boys were only three that she taught this trick to.
Sometimes I get bored answering the same question thousands of times. So I make a quick retort. like say someone asks ‘were you born deaf?’ I might say, ‘were you born hearing?’ this usually shuts them up, but take notice, I don’t do it often.