This just over the weekend:
If the neighbours are breaking glass and accompanying their car stereo with the car horn late at night, they are very likely the type to find your request for moderation completely unreasonable, and threaten to be giant dinks in the future. Best just to turn the TV up. :smack:
Also, if rebar is sticking out of the top of a parking block, don’t park right over it. And if you do park right over it, don’t back up unless you really despise your front bumper. 
An easy way to tell if an ardent strip-quilter or commercial tailor/seamstress is right- or left-handed - just look at their fingertips. The hand without the flat spots on the fingertips is the hand that holds the rotary knife. :eek:
We remind my aunt of that often - years ago, she checked an electric cooktop to see if it was hot, and won a spiral burn for her effort.
Oh dear, I had to learn that one the hard way when I was a kid, too. I was “borrowing” my sister’s cookbook, and I left it laying on the front burner while I made a pizza sauce on the back burner. Except I didn’t turn on the back burner, I turned on the front out of habit because I rarely used the back burners. Fortunately, I caught it before it became a full-fledged inferno, but I ended up buying that cookbook from my sister.
Something I learned from my roommates’ experience: If you are moving into a new apartment and your leases overlap, such that you’re spending a couple weeks leisurely moving things from the old place into the new one, either a) don’t cancel the electric service at the old place until you’re done moving out or b) don’t make cleaning out the fridge the last thing you do.
Never ever feed a stray kitty cat. I know you want to. I know you feel it’s the right thing to do. But trust me. IT will only come back to haunt you.
One of the best cats I ever had started out as a stray that I fed. I totally 100% disagree with the previous person’s comment. 
One should engage one’s brain, and add some initial qualifiers before asking a Jewish woman, at a workplace with a large proportion of Jewish people whether Jewish people ‘dance’.
:smack:
What I **MEANT **to ask was whether the ultra-orthodox members of the Jewish community were permitted to go out dancing as a form of entertainment…not just as a celebration of weddings and stuff. A question asked in all sincerity, but it backfired because of my lack of forethought.
I have become the laughing stock of the yarmulked-bunch at work. Bugger’em. 
Here’s something you learn at Primary School Registrar’s camp…
Never try and put out a well-set fire in a 240 lire plastic industrial garbage bin with a garden hose. The fire in these bins burns incredibly hot and the water vapourises almost immediately, until…
BANG!!
and a large, flaming lump of molten plastic shoots through the air, setting fire wherever it lands, and all you have left to water is the metal axle of the bin.
What bigs me is they told me this would happen and I still did it.
mm
Don’t try to clean the hair out of your razor with your thumb. Yes, you can avoid getting cut by moving in exactly the right direction, but one false move and you have a nasty cut. It’s not nearly as bad as explaining to people that you cut your hand shaving…
Ooh, I’ve done that, and it reminds me of a similar one: if you’re shaving, and you have long hair which gets in your face, don’t use the hand that’s holding the razor to flick your hair back out of the way. The razor is sharp and will take out a chuck of hair, and it’s very embarrassing to try to explain your new jagged hairstyle to your friends. :smack:
Don’t come home from the pub late at night and put a pan of soup on the stove before passing out.
Especially when your little brothers budgie cage is in the next room.
Next morning: No soup. No bottom to the pan. Not a lot of movement from the budgie.
A friend of mine once pioneered the following method of lubing a motorbike chain.
[ol]Put bike on main stand
[li]Start engine[/li][li]Put bike in gear[/li][li]Wrap greasy rag around hand[/li][li]Apply greasy rag to chain[/li][li]Get rag caught between chain and sprocket[/li][li]Look on helplessly as hand is dragged between two moving pieces of hardened steel[/li][li]Inform world in general that you have just kissed the top joint of your middle finger goodbye, and that this is very uncomfortable.[/li][/ol]
Adie Gazzard, you were, and doubtless still are, a plank. :rolleyes:
Bloody hell mate, you’re a fucken murderer!!
I hope your mum forgave you for killing her pan.
:eek: That’s very responsible of you. What a horrible way to die.
So what exactly happened to the budgie???
Things that I should just not do:
[ol]
[li] Walk around the apartment naked or some semblance of near-nakedness. Sorry Graham. :eek:[/li][li] Grow my fingernails. Especially my thumbnails. I have a nice little scar on my left index finger, near the knuckle. How? I took off my bra, and took a chunk out of my finger with my nail. [/li][li] Ride a bicycle. Front wheel; meet terracotta pot. Forehead and glasses; meet lattice fence. Everybody look at the the scar above my eyebrow.[/li][li] Get into Mia mias (Aboriginal hut-things) in the dark. Centre of forehead meets sharp stick. Bleeds everywhere. [/li][li] (I’m just listing all my scars here) Let Dad throw two year old me up into the air. Into a ceiling fan.[/li][/ol]
When in bed with two women, never, ever, forget which one you are married to. Just trust me on this.
Oh no, Paul, I’m curious now.
Very curious.
We definitely need the backstory on this one.
Nonstick coatings when overheated release toxic fumes that are especially toxic to birds.
I will add - leave one of your cats locked in the bedroom when you go on vacation for a week. Fortunately, we had a very responsible pet sitter who made a point of looking for both kitties every day, and realized by the second day that she had only seen kitty number 1, twice, and made a full-house search for kitty #2.
Another is teach your kitty how to turn a floor lamp on and off by pulling the little metal chain. Kitty turns lamp on, kitty knocks lamp over, light bulb starts fire. I now have a healthy fear of cats knocking over lamps.
I don’t care how cold it is on Thanksgiving, if you are going to deep-fat-fry your turkey, do it totally outside away from the house, not in the kitchen or with you inside and the deep fat fryer outside by the window.