Somewhere around there is another stop called Cockfosters. I thought that was funny enough; I also decided it was Australian for Cockbeer. I can’t have been the first to think of it.
On a related note, there’s a Chicago El stop at Grand, and of course the voice says “This… is Grand.” “It’s nothing special.”
I’m still amused by a Steve Martin gag from the '70s. He starts singing “Mack the Knife,” but forgets the words almost immediately. So he just keeps repeating “Oh the shark bites/With his teeth, dear/And he keeps them/Pearly white,” complete with the stupid shark hand gesture. My mother and I saw this about seven years ago and almost died laughing. What makes it even better, for us, is that my middle brother insists insists insists that it isn’t funny. So we can do it to annoy him, too.
My friend P. and I think that any number of stupid things are incredibly and constantly funny. Like that dumb candy called Amazin’ Fruit. Whenever we’re amazed by anything, we always say, “That’s Amaaaaaazin’…Fruit!”
I told you it was stupid.
And the guy from Sit N Sleep who says “Or your mattress is FREEEEEEE!” www.sitnsleep.com (let the flash load)
Also stupid, I know.
The way it takes nearly 9 hours for someone on a public message board to finally mention “crotch shots” in response to the implied question “What will always be funny, no matter what?”
Anything remotely in “reference to” a Monty Python movie or sketch. Particularly Bible stuff that’s found in “Life of Brian”
I volunteered to help my friend’s Christian group with their Web site about peace and Christianity, and the first bit of text I read on their existing site was “blessed are the peacemakers”…“HA! THE CHEESEMAKERS!” I exploded out laughing. Now the whole project cracks me up.
In California, signage intended for restaurant employees is always bilingual. Under the sign
“LAVASE LAS MANOS”
Someone writes
“and his orchestra”
A funny thing about cats doing clumsy things is the way the try to look so nonchalant afterwards. “I meant to do that,” they seem to say as the pointlessly begin washing their paws.
I saw the perfect execution of this last month. I was sitting in the car outside a gas station. There was a woman cleaning the glass doors. Another worker ran in through the door that she was cleaning, (she had propped it open, apparently trying to stay out of the way) grabbed something and came running back out. I felt my breath catch as he came barrelling out of the store: WHUMP!
Right into the glass, so hard that he fell down on his butt and looked slightly dazed. The girl cleaning the door immediately started screeching with laughter and helped him to his feet. Amazingly, he didn’t appear to have gotten hurt beyond maybe a seriously bruised ego. I had to hide my face behind a book so that he wouldn’t see me laughing - although the book was shaking pretty hard, so he probably knew. Seriously, I’ve never seen a more perfect execution - TV, movie, or otherwise.
I laughed so hard at that that I… (Cerri, this one is for you!)farted. And then when I reread it, when someone quoted it further down the thread, I laughed so hard I farted again. I quote it again to pass on the farty laughter goodness.
“Press button, receive bacon”!! That is exactly the type of humour I adore. I’m just annoyed I didn’t come up with it first!
I laugh hard at certain typos. “Snoop Sogg” was a good example. Sure, I know it’s a typo, but Snoop Sogg is perfect! Bwahaha. I saw an awesome one earlier today that really cracked me up and my boyfriend had to come over to investigate. It was on the Dope, too. Wish I could remember where it was!
Creatively telling my boyfriend to suck my butt never gets old. Example:
Him: “Why don’t you eat an orange?”
Me: “An orange would burn my throat right now, it’s sensitive.”
Him: “But it has vitamin C!”
Me: “You know what else has vitamin C? MY BUTT! And I think YOU need vitamin C!”
I use this instead of saying no. Before you think I’m a huge bitch, that’s just our kind of joke.
Bent things make me laugh. Mainly because I recall being in a room with my then-boyfriend and some friends, when my other friend who lived in the house came from the kitchen with a handful of Mr. Freezes to offer, one of which had been bent while freezing and was jutting out at a 45 degree angle. My boyfriend laughed so hard he couldn’t speak and his tongue was lolling out of his mouth. I’ve never seen anyone laugh so hard at an inanimate object, but his laughter cracked me up, and now I can’t even say “bent freezie” or we both die of laughter.
And one thing I know you’re all going to hate me for, but hey, this is how I feel. eye theenk dat typein liek dis wen u r tryin 2 be st00pid ees funnay duh huh huh. I think the reason I think it’s so funny is that “eye” is more characters than “I”.
ANOTHER TINFK I THINKS IS FUNNY IS TYPRING ALL IN CAPS AND NEVER FIXING YORU TYOPOS< ESPECIIALY IF YOU RYOPO WHEN WQYOIU ARE USING PIUNCTUUATION! A friend of mine (incidentally the bent-freezie boyfriend) and I use this when we are faking excited. Example from my most recent livejournal post, he commented:
And once we were talking about the song from Xenogears, Small Two of Pieces, which includes the words “Broken mirror, a million shades of light…” and he randomly interjects with
Now I am giggling with my head in my hands. I think it’s time for me to stop with this post before I turn you all against me with my horrible sense of humour.
I feel the same way, only with cats. Watching cats and kittens frolicking and rough-housing and stalking and leaping and scuttling and pouncing just cracks me up.
Actually, I’m not so used to seeing people or animals walking into glass doors.
Walking into screen doors, however…
And Tom Holt does have a point that people, fully clothed, falling into water will always remain the height of humor.
Jokes that never got old in the Navy involved getting some schmuck on the Quarterdeck watch to make shipwide announcement calls for any of the following persons: SN Sample (Usually told to report to sickbay); Radioman 3rd Class Frisker (usually needed in Nucleonics); Interior Communicationman 2nd Class Balls (He’s never wanted anywhere, really. Just out and about.)*. Telling the new fish to find any of the following is fun, too: a can of dehy water (I once spent an hour trying to explain to a particularly stubborn cook that this is an non-sensical item.); a left-handed mechanical punch, and to find some gig line for the goats in the goat locker. All stupid but always fun, since the new fish ALWAYS fall for 'em.
Similarly, when making announcements during high sea states, it helps if the person making the announcement isn’t susceptible to seasickness. Otherwise you’ll have a small stampede from all the sympathetic pukers running to the head when he loses control over the 1MC.
*SN Sample is usually pronounced “Seaman Sample;” Radioman 3rd Frisker is pronounced RM3 Frisker, which is the name of a radiation detection instrument; and Interior Communicationman 2nd Balls is often pronounced “IC2 Balls.” Usually each of these announcements would be followed by a pause (with the mic open) followed by a muttered ‘oh, shit.’
I had to buy gum yesterday because I noticed that the new Sugarfree Bubbleyum mascot is, for some completely unfathomable reason, a cheerful-looking disembodied duck head with a purple mohawk and a nose-ring through his beak-nostrels.
I could not for the life of me figure out how this would in any way represent gum, and I swear I laughed for ten minutes straight.
Come to think of it, a lot of candy mascots crack me up. They just never make any sense. I think the best one I saw, besides the duck, was on a Swedish candy (whose name translated into something like “Very Salty”). It was a hideous green monster with a door between his legs; he was intended to represent both an ogre and a house. For some reason.
