Things to do when apartment neighbors won't stop arguing

The neighbors that share a wall with me like to argue at midnight quite often, it’s really fucking annoying. She likes to yell, “OH MY GAWD!” over and over again, and not in a happy fun way. One gem was, “When is it ever ok for you to just grab my crotch?!”

The wifey and I just looked at each other and laughed. I’m thinking the next time they don’t STFU I’m going to put my computer right next to the wall and blast hardcore porn on full volume. And not regular porn, but weird German shit. What else could be done?

(Ok, I won’t do any of this but it’s fun to think about. I’m just glad they stopped beating their children. Seriously. We had to call CPS on them.)

Perhaps you should consider learning a musical instrument? Say drums…or bagpipes.

Or next time you see one of the neighbors outside, talk to them about the fight. Take their side, and give them some pithy rebuttals to their spouse–with enough detail so they know you heard the whole thing. Maybe mention that you sure hope they fight again this weekend, because you’re inviting company, and the neighbors are great entertainment…

Ugh, I wish I knew. This young couple with a 1-year-old daughter lives next door to me, and the wife is an utter bitch. She screams at her baby ALL DAY; the baby cries and cries. Not sure if she beats her. When her husband comes home, she screams at him too. He is a nice friendly fellow whenever I see him, and loves that baby - he is always the one carrying her. Sometimes I consider telling him that his wife is a child abuser. I wish she would drop dead.

Tape-recording for later playback is sometimes useful.

What you need are large stereo speakers that you can place directly against the wall you share with them, and then proceed with (a) the porn idea, (b) Old School Norwegian Black Metal, or ©"It’s a Small World". Placing the speaker directly against the wall will minimize the noise pollution within your own apartment and your other, innocent neighbors.

Japanese opera.

Trust me on this one.

May I suggest Kool & the Gang?

I did that years ago with some people upstairs. I jacked the speaker up against the ceiling and when his metal music started I cranked up Mozart. The message got through on the second go around. But such techniques are dangerous with certain people. They can damage your property when you are away or asleep. The best thing is quiet revenge. I had another noisy couple upstairs once that were nasty people. I made a high pitched siren device mounted inside a tuna fish can. The device was pushed up against the ceiling in the bedroom with control wires down to my bed. I would randomly crank up the volume for short or long bursts. The best was when they were engaged in some heavy action one night and I began cycling my device up and down. Apparently it was quite a buzz killer as the action stopped prematurely, so to say. The key was that the noise was dissipated in the structure of the old building so it would not have been certain where it was coming from. Some people are too dumb to reason with. You have to come at them from a different angle.

On a different note from other posters - I lived upstairs from a couple who were school teachers. He was a complete a**hole in that he treated his wife like absolute sh*t. I never heard her yelling save a few times. And the one time that sent me over the edge was at about 4pm when they were fighting again, and I heard him slam her against something, pick her up and do it again. It continued until I got up off the floor - where my ear was plastered to the wood floor, picked up the phone and called the cops. I don’t know if it was luck or what, but there must have been a patrol car right down the road, because he pulled up with no lights or sirens, and caught him red handed. I’ll never forget looking out my upstairs window and seeing him being cuffed and put into the patrol car.

He came home around midnight [she had gone somewhere] and yelled up to my apartment saying, mind your own damn business etc…

The next morning he left at the normal time and she came with what looked like her father, gathered a bunch of stuff and left.

He followed about two weeks after.

Even better than porn is your best porn impressions. Did it once with my husband and we just couldn’t stop laughing afterwards.

(Alternatively, if you aren’t feeling creative, loud real sex is good.)

It’s an apartment. Does your landlord list quiet hours on the lease or in a rulebook? Ask the landlord to enforce them. Remind your landlord not to mention that you are the one complaining.

If your neighbors continue to be noisy, keep complaining to your landlord; at some point it’s possible your neighbors will be evicted - or you may have a legal claim against your landlord for breach of contract, for which you might be able to file a claim in small claims court, or dissolve the lease and get the hell out of there.

Apartment dwellers have the right to quiet enjoyment of their homes. When that quiet enjoyment is disturbed, it’s time to let the management company know. Some are better than others. I have a neighbor directly below me who allows her “boyfriend” to stay over regularly. These are 65 year old people, and he’s a hopeless white trash drunk, and she drinks when he’s around. They make a great pair. He’s a drunk yeller. He’s one of those loud talkers in the first place and he just gets louder and louder the more he sloshed he gets.

Once in a while, she gets tired of him being there, even though he may have been sleeping there 5 days in a row already. Then she gets to yelling, too. Yelling and sometimes screaming at him to get out. Once she called the cops on him. A few months later, I did. Each time, I let the management company know about it and they have sent her a letter and also phoned her that there were noise complaints from other residents. She still has no idea it’s me. They have let her know that if she keeps it up they will either not renew the lease, or may evict her.

It’s been really nice and quiet for a few months now, even though he still shows up regularly.

If the management company’s not responsive, then I’m not sure what other recourse you have besides getting the police involved.

In my building in the summer it’s a free for all. Very few of the flats have air conditioning so the windows are wide open. And you get the flats from my building and the ones from the alley behind us and the building next to us too.

I remember one time someone was fighting and they threw a TV out of the window. I always wondered how you get to the point where you think, "I’ll fix her (or him) by throwing a TV out the window).

Awhile back someone moved in and I swear I heard two little girls being beaten, they were screaming. After the third day I went upstairs and was going to call the police, and there were the little girls. Running up and down in the hall playing tag having the best time of all.

For having so much fun those girls sounded like they were being beaten. I don’t care about that kind of noise as kids will be kids and as long as they weren’t being hit.

Rename your wireless network “Apt 3B I can hear you fighting”

Tape her yelling and the baby screaming and put a copy of the tape on his car. He should know.

Recently I heard what I thought was my neighbours below me going at amorously everymorning like clock work. I thought to myself she sounds like a bird.

A couple of mornings of this, I discovered piegons on next to my bathroom window. Indeed it was birds.