Allright, first of all, I don’t know if this has been done already. If so it seems to me that it sorely needs to be done again.
Now then:
There are certain things you just don’t do, because they make you look like a fuckin’ dumbass. While this is true in so many situations, I’m am referring specifically to things you don’t do when flaming or even arguing (because they make you look like a fuckin’ dumb-ass).
For example:
Don’t intentionally misspell someone’s username in a lame attempt to make fun of it. If that’s the best you can come up with, you should just admit defeat and slink out with your dignity intact. This is not to be confused with abrreviating someone’s username in a friendly way, such as people calling me “Lex” or calling Coldfire “Coldie” or “Clogfire”. It’s when some dipshit tries to be clever by making a play on words out of the username of the person they’re trying to flame. You’re not clever. You’re not funny. You look like a fuckin’ dumb-ass, and I am now unable to concentrate on whatever else you have to say.
Don’t threaten physical violence on a personal level. The “internet tough-guy” is usually the “village idiot” in real life. This is essentially saying something like this:
Doper: You’re wrong, and here’s why. <insert valid argument> Can you prove any different?
Internet tough guy: Uh, duh, NO. But I can kick your ass.
Can everyone agree that doing this makes you look like a first-class boob? Even if I can kick someone’s ass, what the fuck does that have to do with the argument?
Don’t come back and say “Just kidding,” when you obviously weren’t kidding, just because you posted something stupid and got called on it. I did this once. Once. I never did it again. You know why? Because I realized that it made me look like a friggin’ jagoff. This also includes such lame excuses such as “I was being sarcastic,” and “I was conducting research.” What a bunch of bullshit.
Don’t continue arguing, even after you have demonstrated that you can’t back up your position with facts. I see this happen all the time. People present their opinions as facts. Then they get pissy when someone calls their argument so much conjecture. Then they are asked to back it up, and the best they can do is stomp their foot and say “Because!” I think these people fill out a form when arguing:
My [relationship] has [thing] and [situation], so obviously this means [situation] is universal. Using this form and a popular song by The Offspring, we can see how lame and assinine this is, like so:
“My friend has a girlfriend and he hates that bitch, so obviously, this means that hating your girlfriend is universal.”
This closely relates to
Don’t continually contradict someone. As Monty Python taught us, an argument is an intellectual process. Contradiction is the simply the automatic gain-saying of anything the other pary presents. A valid argument is a connected series of statements intended to establish a contrary point of view. Therefore, don’t just continually say “No it’s not,” and “That’s not true,”. Why? You guessed it, becuase it makes you look like a fuckin’ dumb-ass.
Don’t bring up extraneous shit that has nothing to do with the argument. If we’re arguing about insurance rates, don’t bring up things like my weight, or my job, or my genes, or my sexual orientation. My being a skinny, inbred, homosexual beef-slicer at Arby’s has nothing to do with insurance rates, so don’t bring it up.
Don’t rely on insults as the crux of your argument. Insults are all well and good, especially when they make you laugh. Further, without insults there would be no flames. However, you must remember to include some sense. Otherwise, it looks like you can’t think of anything to say in defense of your position and are resorting to name-calling.
Don’t dish it out if you can’t take it. If you start a gratuitous flame war, or if you post a topic in the Pit, don’t whine when you get your ass handed to you with your head still up it. I don’t walk into a NOW convention wearing a shirt that says “Shutup and suck my dick.” carrying a boom-box blaring Easy E without expecting an ass-whoopin’, and more than likely a totschlagegung.
Don’t fly off the handle when you infer something from context. If you’re not sure what someone meant, ask them for clarification. Most of the time, they just need to rephrase what they said, because they “didn’t mean it like that.” on the other hand.
Don’t back-pedal when it’s obvious that you did “mean it like that”. This is closely related to number 3.
Don’t nitpick typos. Once again if this is the best you can come up with, you should just come right out and admit defeat and tuck your tail between your legs.
Don’t nitpick spelling. Same as above. Even if every other word is misspelled, don’t bother to bring it up unless you’re arguing about spelling. For example, Kinoons couldn’t spell his way out of a wet paper bag, but he’s still smart and often makes solid points.
Don’t nitpick grammar. Same as above.
There are more that you all will add, I’m sure. Hopefully, we can establish a set or ground rules so we don’t have quite so many people coming off like fuckin’ dumb-asses.
[sub]PS. I’m pretty sure I fucked up the conjugation of “totschlagen” which is German for “to beat to death.” If anyone can correct this, that would be great. It’s just part of the slang amongst my friends and I. Just thought I’d throw that out there, to avoid any confusion.[/sub]
