Doob, you’re next (and could you please tell your cohorts Scotti and tevya to take their hijacks to e-mail? I’m trying to run a respectable thread here. Oh, and let them know that there’s a “t” in “gigantic”? It’s not silent, you know.)(Just kidding, Scotti - how could I hold a grudge against someone who’s actually seen me in person and still refers to me as “cute”?)(tevya, you’re still on my list, though):
How can I smuggle two goats, three moroccan prostitutes, a barrel of monkeys, and four horny llamas across the Mexican border without getting caught?
Easy. Dress them all in sombreros and tell the border guards that they’re your family, and you’re all merely trying to immigrate illegally into the U.S. to sell drugs and steal jobs from hard-working Americans (don’t worry - due to its large Catholic population, Mexico has many large families, and a lot of them walk on all fours from all the backbreaking work in the mines and poor medical treatment, so it won’t look suspicious). They’ll find your honesty refreshing, and will probably only shoot one of you as a formality (let’s hope it’s not one of the prostitutes, or one of those horny llamas is gonna be SOL).
What’s the best way to make a poundcake?
It is apparently medically impossible to make a poundcake, but you can adopt one - just make sure you’re not under surveillance or you may find yourself facing lewd behavior with a minor charges.
Oh, hold on - that’s how you make a Poundstone. My bad. Give it up for sexual chocolate!
Please also refrain from mentioning Celine Dion’s backing band. Or any project associated with Arsenio Hall. You’re on thin ice, baby.
OK, unless I’ve missed something, this is the last set of questions. Thank you, Allah. If any of you feel the further need for enlightenment, kindly direct your questions to Nymysys or Eutychus, both of whom have stolen my idea and started their own threads along a similar vein in this very forum. In honor of this final post, and because I’m lazy as a slug, I’ve decided to answer the remaining questions using a random word-generator program. Thanks for playing. It’s been your pleasure. Now I’m heading out to drink like a seal. tevya, who never shuts up: Why have you stopped returning my phone calls?
Halifax neutrino supplement. What’s in it for me?
NASA gangster shadow. What’s the magic word?
Bootylicious defamation suite. Do you regret the time you spent in Bolivia pulling the strings of the puppet dictator in the short lived “Banana Bingo” regime?
Limbo? Me hackneyed jungle quattro.
How do you the things that you do so well?
Vaseline. Thesaurus. Peyote. Love.
Oh, right, your “friend”. Gosh, I sure hope I don’t become confused and incontinent due to your use of sophisticated psychological games. What else would your “friend” like to know? My credit card number? Would your “friend” like me to submit to a paternity test, too? Get over it. Be a real parent and take care of your bebe instead of always trying to prove who the “father” is. “Father” is such an outdated concept anyway. Haven’t you heard of women’s lib? There are plenty of books on the subject in your local library. Just look for the ones with the pictures of the authors who look like lesbians with thick mustaches. Or use the Dewey Decimal system or whatever cockamamie Communist propaganda tool libraries are using these days.
The real question you meant to ask, if you don’t mind my pointing out your ignorance to you, is: “Is the pope worthy of the term assassination?”. Now, I know if heads of state are killed it’s considered assassination, whereas if some ordinary slob (your “friend”, for instance) is killed it’s merely murder (or freeing up one more parking space, if you’re a city planner) (which you aren’t). But does it apply to religious leaders? They used the term “assassination” to refer to John Lennon’s killing, but since he was self-admittedly more important than Jesus, I guess he trumps the pope (I’ll be trumping the pope later on tonight, BTW) (and by “more important”, I think we all know he meant “better-hung”). So, your question was: can the pope be assassinated? This being the SDMB, I’m sure some pretentious jackass will be along to tell us soon.
Oh, and I don’t know why you threw that Half&Half comment in there, but this is no place for your racial slurs. Why must you turn everything into a hate crime?