While straightening my house, I found that I own three full-size Phillips-head screwdrivers, as well as Phillips heads for my electric drill/driver and a little set of interchangeable nut- and screwdrivers I got as a free gift somewhere. The thing is, I don’t do that many household projects that require screwdrivers. I honestly can’t remember where all of them came from.
I also have at least three tapemeasures (the hardware store kind) as well as a couple of the soft kind used in sewing.
And where the hell did all these cheap pocket calculators come from?
A former girlfriend once gave me a cool mahogany elephant. It’s beautiful, and I put it in a conspicuous location. It catches the attention. When I got the new house, one sister-in-law got me a brass elephant, and her kids made elephant “art” for the fridge as a housewarming. (They’re also Democrats, so it was kindof a polite dig at my political leanings as well, back before the state turned decidedly red.)
My current mate’s first ever token gift to me was a crystal elephant. Of course, I had to put that in a somewhat prominent locale.
Wasn’t long before everyone and his brother thought, “Hey, Sample just loves elephants!” And they started giving them to me. They’re all over the place now, taking up space that might otherwise be occupied by stuff I’d actually like to get for a gift once in a bloody while besides these freaking elephants! I tell people I don’t really like them, but they either think I’m joking, or they know I’m not and buy me more pachyderms for that very reason!
Empty 20oz plastic water bottles. I was lazy one time and left a bunch on my dresser. Well, fast forward a couple months and I’m still too lazy to throw them away and they have multiplied.
Paper towels and mustard, because I always end up buying them at the grocery store for some reason. “Good heavens, do we have any mustard?! Better buy some more!” and then I get home and there’s eight or nine things of mustard in the fridge.
Socket sets, always with the one I need missing. No idea why I have that many socket sets - I rarely need them (except of course when I do and that damned 5/16 is gone).
Sewing notions, like the umpteen tape measures and chalk pencils and things. I can never find them when I need them, or I’m out of town and desperately need one or something. I’m a disorganized sewer.
Certain spices, because I can look right in the cabinet and say, “I need nutmeg for that. Do I have any nutmeg?” and spend five minutes looking for nutmeg, “Nope, no nutmeg.” When I get home with the nutmeg, however, all its little nutmeggy friends come out of the woodwork.
Mini notebooks: I have no clue why I have so many, they aren’t good for much. I can’t write shopping lists in them because they aren’t long enough, phone numbers go in the address book or phone, there’s not enough space for random hits of the muse. I don’t need all of these!!
Keychains: I have only one key, that’s all I need… and yet I have at least 15 or more keychains kicking around. Some I bought because they have amusing sayings on them (“I smile because I have no idea what’s going on” or “Everyone’s entitled to be stupid but you’re abusing the privilege”) others I’ve picked up at trade shows and career fairs (the newest ones are a carabiner keychain from the gov’t the other is a tiger tail from Esso)
Body wash/hand lotion: Every Christmas someone gives me body wash and hand lotion. Often it smells really bad, or if it’s nice there is too much to the set to use all together. I refuse to layer up on scent (bodywash, hand lotion, perfume all the same scent is waaay too much) so it’s never completely used by the next time I get some.
Bits and bobs, such as … a small weight, a broken lighter, some magnesium, 2 tippex bottles a bit of metal that snaps shut like a mousetrap, a car wing mirror, a car wheel trim and my infamous (not so) lucky stone.
I aquired about 100 optical quartz windows (disks 1/2" X 4mm) from a decommisioned analytical ultracentrifuge. They live in a little plastic drawer, and every few years I take them out, look at them, and wonder if there’s anything I can actually do with them.
Nail clippers and scissors. Whenever I give up on finding the last one, I buy another. When I bring them home, the missing ones reappear. I’ll put them where I SWEAR I’ll find them the next time. Of course, I never do.
Some years ago I decided to switch from wire hangers to colored plastic hangers. (And here, behind my cloak of anonymity, I will admit that I match my clothes with their hangers.) When I moved, I separated the clothes on hangers from the extra hangers and found I had hundreds and hundreds of extra plastic hangers, in all colors. It’s simply not possible that I bought that many hangers. The extra hangers now live in an otherwise empty closet in the guest room. I’m scared to look in there.
