Unlike many things you learn from movies, this is actually good advice.
There’s always work at the Post Office.
Hos gotta eat, too.
Silver bullets won’t work on a vampire.
Miles won’t come off the odometer of a 1961 Ferrari GT250 by jacking up the rear end and running it in reverse.
A related lesson: if your evil boss coolly asks if you’ve completed the delicate technical project he’s set you on yet, you say “no.”
You can avoid a lot of trouble if you remember to never go back for the cat.
If you are a lawyer or detective working on a big case, it will be the only file assigned to you.
Hot people walk in slow-motion.
At luxury hotels in gorgeous, warm locations, even with thousands of rooms, nobody is ever in the pool when a good/bad guy jumps/falls from the top floor into the pool.
Apparently they teach in Detective 101 courses:
- you only need to go into the den to see, prominently displayed, a photo of the college chums/army buddies/co-workers and see whose arm is around the victims shoulder and you have the murderer.
- a 2 pixel photo from any crappy camera in any dive grocery store will be sufficient to blow it up to perfect size to see the face and even identify the small wart under their lip.
- every forensic scientist has $30 million dollars of equipment available to use, and there is no problem whatsoever to spend several days and thousands of dollars to determine the “real” cause of death of a derelict junkie. The info will be ready the minute you walk into the lab.
- finding a single hair from the criminal in a shag carpet in a hotel room is no big deal, and it will immediately provide ample DNA for conviction. Takes about 10 minutes - tops.
- even though there is an army of police and detectives who have been on the crime scene for 18 hours, you can saunter in and find the big clue in under 2 seconds.
I really want to sign up for the Detective 101 course.
If you expect someone to die, stick around to make sure they do so.
There are mountains in Saskatchewan.
Two things: Get a bigger boat than you think you need and childbirth is a hilarious romp that everyone wants to be part of.
If you really, really need tens or even hundreds of thousands of dollars within a week’s time for any reason, there’s always some wacky way to get it.
In Vietnam, the sun sets in the East.
Humorous ill-prepared student class presentations always end with the bell ringing for the end of the class thus meaning that there really was never enough time for a thoughtful well-planned presentation anyway. Students in movie classrooms do not watch the clock. Cool popular teachers always remind their students about upcoming tests or homework by calling out loudly just as the students are leaving the classroom.
Heart stoppages can be reversed by using [del]chest compressions[/del] a defibrillator - but only after the settings have been increased to, “Leave Grill Marks”.
All a doctor needs to make a complete and accurate diagnosis is to take the patient’s pulse and look closely at the whites of the patient’s eyes.
NEVER order rocket powered roller skates, or rocket powered anything from ACME. This also applies to catapults, earthquake pills, etc.
But only if it’s a RIGHT isoceles tringle- they scarecrow needed to ask the wizard for BETTER brains.
Just ask TV star Jon Erik Hexum
Oh wait, you CAN’T ask him, as he killed himself with a blank. (I’m not joking- you could look it up, as Casey STengel used to say!)
Doctors inform family members of a death or serious illness in the parking lot or a crowded hallway.
Therapists and psychiatrists always sleep with their clients, and do not appear to experience any consequences for doing so.