Walmart employee: May I help you?
Your Boss: Take friday off…make it a long weekend!
Girlfriend:
“Of course I don’t mind if you go on a beer bash with your mates. Hey, I can entertain myself - I’m not gonna sit at home all night long, angrily waiting for you.”
Police office:
“No, don’t worry sir. I’m not giving you a ticket. I’m giving you a warning this time. Naah, of course we don’t just do that for busty blondes!”
Coldfire:
“No beer for me! Nuh-uh. I’ll have a Perrier.”
Cecil Adams - “Whoa, I didn’t know that.”
From any and every husband/SO/roomie:
I know there are a thousand things you do that I don't take the time to thank you for, but, in case I've never told you; God Bless you for cleaning the toilet! Week after week. Month after week. Year after year.High Ranking Politician: Yep, I screwed something up. I had a pretty wild night, and woke up with a hang-over, and wasn’t paying attention to what I was signing. Sorry. My mistake. Who wants to play Scrabble?
We’ve had a great year so I can actually give you the bonus that I have promised you for the last 3 years .
Any intelligent thought from George W. . . .
From my friend CanadianSue: Na I don’t want another beer. One is enough.
Would you like to have some meaningless sex? I’m so tired of long, drawn-out relationships.
Shoe salesman: Try those out for a few days see how you like them.
You’ll have to reverse your decision ref, I didn’t quite make it over the line.
You’ll have to reverse your decision ref, I didn’t quite make it over the line.
I don’t know the answer to your question, but rather than bullshitting my way through it, I am going to find out from someone who does know.
Ultress? No she is not my best friend.
Gee, Katt, we must work for the same guy! Hmmm… I’ve never seen you around the office…
“Good evening. In tonight’s news, we will not be showing you the burning house on Third Street for the 47th time today, but instead will have Angela report on the spirit of cooperation at the School Board meeting.”
Shayna and Satan:
Got a light?
Hey, you never know… we don’t do pictures in the profiles 
I think George Carlin came up with this one, but I love it.
Guy to Girlfriend: If you don’t stop sucking my dick, I’m gonna hafta call 911!
Connor, not only would we like to hire you, but offer you more money than the original offer.