Quotes we'll never get to hear

“Heck no, I’m making too much already.”–Bill Gates
“I agree, Mr. Line Judge; I was way out of line with that shot.”–John McEnroe
“C’mon, Buddy, pay attention. Where have you been while this APB was out on you?”–Det. Andy Sipowicz
“From now on, ditto-heads, I intend to take an objective stand on the issues and forget this argumentum-ad-hominem garbage.”–Rush Limbaugh
“That’s beneath my dignity!”–Howard Stern
“For what I get paid to get into the ring, I owe it to my fans to uphold the institution of sportsmanship.”–Mike Tyson
“I say, ‘live and let live.’”–Head of state of Afghanistan
“I know when I’m licked.”–Saddam Hussein
“Buddy, why not quit while you’re ahead?”–Regis Philbin :wink:
“Your friends’ assurance is good enough for me.”–Jan Harold Brunvand, urban legends expert :slight_smile:
“How the hell would I know?”–Cecil Adams :smiley:

“If you drive an automobile, please drive carefully–because I walk in my sleep.”–Victor Borge

I don’t get the third one. Sipowicz if from NYPD Blue, right? Doesn’t he ask people where they were when an APB was out on them?

Any similarity in the above text to an English word or phrase is purely coincidental.

I’m guessing the gag is, Sip wouldn’t ask nicely.

General quotes you’ll never hear:

“Hand me that piano.”
“Please saw my arms off.”

That’s right, Max. I’m a paralegal, and one of my courses in college was taught by an L.A. County prosecutor, who says real cops don’t mince words when questioning suspects. NYPD Blue is unusually realistic, and Sipowicz certainly wouldn’t say something like “C’mon, buddy”!

“There is too much beer in this refrigerator”

“Wearing a cup is a complete waste of time for a major league catcher.”

My sig line is currently unavailable. Please check this post in 1 hour when we resume our broadcast day.

I really should cut down on sex, I’ve been having far too much lately.

An infinite number of rednecks in an infinite number of pickup trucks shooting an infinite number of shotguns at an infinite number of road signs will eventually produce all the world’s great works of literature in Braille.

“Bjorn, that was a well thought out, cogent and nicely posted opinion.” - Coldfire
“Manhattan, here’s the $10K I owe you. No hard feelings.” - Phaedrus
“There’s not enough love in the BBQ Pit.” - Nickrz
“I just returned from my psychic reading and, wow, it was right on the money.” - David B
“I think we need to raise taxes.” - Libertarian
“I feel the need for a big old porterhouse, medium rare.” - pldennison
"I don’t think I could twirl you, big fella. - Byzantine
“I’m probably going straight to hell for this, but what the fuck, bring on the hookers.” - The Pope

“Your posting style resembles a cross between a spastic squirrel and one-handed ventriloquist.”
–Mullinator, paraphrased–

“No, we’ll pay for our own stadium, thanks.” – Any pro sports franchise.


“One for the road? Naaaaah, I’ll pass, I’m far too drunk already!” - UncleBeer

Unc, your quotes cracked me up :wink:


“You know how complex women are”

  • Neil Peart, Rush (1993)

“I’ll overlook it this time.”–Judge Judy
“As a sworn member of the Bar Association, especially connected with the federal government, I owe it to the public to muster real points of law instead of those gleaned from sensational tabloids or idle gossip.”–Kenneth Starr
“I confess. If the law had been appiled to me properly for what I did in Vietnam, I’d have been convicted for high treason.”–Jane Fonda
“Let’s make sure the specifications fit the job, Al.”–Tim Taylor

“I was wrong, you were right. Forgive me?” ~Neobican

“I hung around the house in tattered sweats and an old grubby t-shirt all day…it’s so nice to relax once in a while, y’know?”~Eve

“I have nothing to say.” ~UncleBeer

“I don’t remember.” ~boli

“Sex again?? Jeez, don’t you guys ever talk about anything else?” ~Omni

“Rocky Horror is the most godawful thing in the world. You’ll never see me at that show.” ~Cessandra

“A personal homesite need only consist of a few simple pages, maybe a picture or two.” ~OpalCat

“…being normal is not necessarily a virtue. It rather denotes a lack of courage.”

My favorite was from an old comedy album (George Carlin?):
Do what what you want to the girl, but leave me alone! (any character in any movie)

“I noticed the subtle signs that you’re flirting with me. May I buy you a drink?”

“That’d be in the butt, Bob.”

Woohoo!! Yup, you won’t hear me say that… nor will you hear me say “when building a homepage, try to use as many font, text sizes, colors, and effects as possible, and remember, animation, animation, animation!”

Teeming Millions: http://fathom.org/teemingmillions
“Meat flaps, yellow!” - DrainBead, naked co-ed Twister chat
O p a l C a t

Problems? Me? Nah, everything’s great.–Kelli.

No, there’s nothing wrong with being a racist.–Veb.

Looks aren’t important. Personality is what counts.–MarkSerlin.

I think I’ll move to mexico. I like the culture.–Homer.

Keyboard not found. Press F1 to continue.

“I hate chocolate.” - Forrest Gump (or CanadianSue, come to think of it)

“Luke, I am your mother.” - Darth Vader

“Contraception’s the way to go!” - Mother Teresa (yeah, I know she’s dead, just play along, will ya?)

“Of course I’m guilty!” - O.J. Simpson

“Felching? I love it!” or “Rush sucks!” - Coldfire

Some drink at the fountain of knowledge…others just gargle.

You are an angel Sue :wink: - Moosie

I never ever flirt, its against my religion - PCW

Pass me a straw, no pass me a dozen - Coldfire

Strap ons, I love strap ons - Smug

Alberta Beef is the best, Texas beef tastes like road kill - Sealemon

We are, each of us angels with only one wing,and we can only fly by embracing one another

“For this year’s Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue, we’re not going publish pictures, just the models’ senior theses”

“I’d think God would want to LIMIT my powers.”