Wally: Sorry, but I have absolutely no opinion on that.
You call that piece of crap a bike? Get outta my way before I bitch slap you and make you tell me you liked it. Putz.
I have so many bad influences in my life 
I’ve had it, shoot the bastards!
“Come on, everybody, group hug!”
Aha:
“It is beneath my dignity to grovel.”
Chief Scott:
“Sir, I respectfully request an immediate transfer to the Army, Sir.”
SqrlCub (to Esprix):
“Check the knockers on that broad!”
Esprix (to SqrlCub):
“Yeah, Sqrl, I’d do her in a heartbeat!”
Satan:
“No comment, too personal.”
David B:
“Looks like a genuine alien anal probe to me. I remember one just like it during my last abduction.”
Eve (to Uke):
“I never saw Singing in the Rain. What’s it about?”
Uke (to Eve):
“Beats me. Those old flicks put me to sleep.”
My boyfriend:
As a matter of fact, you DO look fat in that. Why don’t you get your fat ass to the gym and work out those thighs, honey?
(not that I want him to, but…)
Or:
Just a minute, honey. I’m not done with my hair yet.
Or:
Five new pairs of shoes? Ok! Buy me some penny loafers while you’re at it!
I now pronounce you husband and husband.
O.K., I just came from the Unclean thread.
Bill Gates: Yes, Macintosh has a better product. But we have better marketing.
Parents: Sure son you can borrow my credit card! You’ve been such a good son go ahead and splurge!!
The defending World Champion Boston Red Sox.
any given store, shopping mall…
PA system: “This is the manager speaking, for next 30 minutes, everything in the store/mall will be absolutely free of charge.”
Jean Chretien: More money for healthcare, more transfer payments for education, more money for welfare, and Paul Martin has to start paying taxes on Canada Steamship Lines.
a dog whistle.
I don’t know why you people have problems with double posting all the time.
I don’t know why you people have problems with double posting all the time.
er mm Euty your repeating yourself…you may be coming down with that altimeter’s disease…or is that alternators…something like that…
And in today’s news nothing happened, so I’m going home.
Keith
big oil company exec: And this year we are donating a whole bunch of money to develop electric cars.
u.s. gummint: We have decided that those folks over in Europe can take care of their own regional conflicts.
art bell: See, here’s how we faked this flying saucer photo and fooled a whole bunch of folks.
esteemed prez: Okay, I really messed up with Monica. But my wife really deserves to be in politics, see?
any fisherman: Actually, that fish that got away was really very small; I’m glad I lost it so it can grow into an even bigger fish.
Random old person: I really feel sorry for you kids today. We had it so much easier when I was growing up.
Motor vehicle employee: I know it’s time for lunch, but look at this line! I’ll wait till it’s less busy.
Latin teacher: Why are you kids even taking this class, anyway? It’s a dead language!
70’s rock star: I’m too old to be out there performing like I did when I was younger. I prefer to grow old gracefully. Can you hand me that Metamucil, please?