Oh definitely, I can totally see the importance of ex-spouse communications transparency about new-partner information in a less, um, physically specific sense.
Similar here. We get along, apart.
Yeah, the sex-after-divorce-brag must be a man thing.
Y’all so predictable.
I got lucky.
And I don’t mean that in the adolescent fashion, I really got lucky with a lovely woman who was attracted to me, and me to her.
It worked out really well, for one night, with a workup of flirtation for a couple of weeks. And a workdown of a week or so where we both negotiated a friendly exit - we both knew it was a mistake, so we dealt with it like adults.
Edit: i think you missed my point; maybe it was not well made.
Never, ever mentioned anything like that with any ex (girlfriend or my ex-wife) about a later partner. That just seems inappropriate at best, and honestly kind of creepy. I don’t want to know what my exes are up to, it’s none of their business what I’m up to.
The thought of even bringing it up feels gross, but that might just be me. And none of my exes ever asked, thank goodness, because if they did that would weird me out.
When my ex-wife found that I’d gotten engaged again, she said it seemed pretty quick, but I pointed out that it was about 3 1/2 years since she and I had really had a relationship. And I hadn’t even thought about trying to date anyone for a couple years after our divorce. I think in her mind it felt quick, but she just hadn’t sat down and did the math. I definitely didn’t rush to a rebound.
That’s the closest I think I’ve ever come to any discussion about a partner with an ex. With the exception of a couple of my ex-girlfriends wanting to hook back up with me at a couple of points, and me having to remind them that (A) I was already with someone and (B) I never cheat (which they damn well know).
Yeah, that was kinda misandrist if me.
I certainly don’t have any experience with any of it.
I know all our Doper guys are perfect gentlemen.
(Except that one …
)
We are not perfect gentleman. I’m not
I think we try to be, though.
I appreciate your effort.
I’m not divorced (although it’s only been 40 years, give it some time), but I don’t think I’d discuss my post-divorce sex life with anyone, let alone an ex-spouse, simply because I can’t discuss my sex life without implicitly discussing my partner’s (or partners’) and I’m sure they didn’t sign up for that.
In other words, a gentleman doesn’t kiss and tell.
Who you callin’ a gemmelman?
Myself.
I wouldn’t presume to speak for anyone else, gentlepersons or otherwise. It isn’t my place to judge anyone but myself, but that’s my standard and my expectations for my own behavior.
As to other things I might not reveals to an ex, pretty much anything in the “nunya” category. I would really only reveal stuff they have an active need to know. So, for instance, not my finances, unless they have some exposure to it (like I’m laid off, so alimony and child support will be challenging).
I wouldn’t really tattle on my children, if I had children young enough to tattle on. If they’re with me, the other parent’s standards and rules don’t apply so nothing would be accomplished by stirring up that shit.
For the record, I never thought you were saying all men were like that, just that it would be more likely for a man to do that. You’re probably right. I’ve known a couple of guys who I could imagine would do such a thing.
Considering that my ex-wife repeatedly told me that no woman would want me it was indeed tempting to rub her nose in the utter failure of her prediction.
But again, I didn’t brag about it. I still have some sense of decency, and I can keep my mouth shut. Unlike her.
Still, it’s funny that you remarked on this, and not on her verbal and physical abuse…
my favorite quote:
You are the owner on your silence and the slave of once words
I’m not wishing to retract my words, but as the guy who initiated the sidetrack about talking sex with ex-spouses, I’m sorry that it has taken so much space in the thread. And caused the usual oil-versus-water effect as everybody closes ranks for their team.
As the title of the OP says, it’s “Things you may not want to tell your ex-wife” And by “not want” what they really mean IMO is “Things your better judgement suggests you ought not tell your ex-wife”. And yes, delivering a dig, regardless of topic, is not an example of good mature judgement.
As OP, I don’t mind the drift off topic. This is the BBQ pit in any case.
We could be all shouting and swearing at our ex-spouses, but we are not - there seems to be genuine respect given.
Sadly, I was already well aware that many people of both sexes have been victims of verbal and physical abuse from their spouses during their marriages. Which is, indeed, a horrible thing, and such abuse is inexcusable.
But the phenomenon of some ex-husbands feeling tempted to boast to their ex-wives about the improvement in their post-divorce sex lives was new to me, so that’s why I remarked on it.
Sorry about that, I will drop the subject now.
I’m patting myself on the back (not easy with a bad shoulder) for being good friends with my exes.
Which is handy, because they’ve both married friends of mine…
I’m on good terms with just about every ex-girlfriend I’ve ever had, and with my ex-wife.
The ex-wife and I don’t talk often, as there a lot of bad actions from both of us. She had a drug problem (but was a functional drug addict - she was able to keep it hidden from me for the 8 years that comprised the entirety of our relationship, both pre-wedding and after the nuptials). I knew she was a pothead, but that’s not a big deal to me. It wasn’t until I learned that she was hosting drug parties while I was working (I was in emergency services, and my normal shift was 24 hours on, 24 off) that I became aware of the problem. As I said, she was a functional drug addict, and she tended to control the checkbook. She burned through my life savings (around $48,000 at the time) in a period of about 14 months. I discovered this when the bank called a told me that my truck payment bounced. Then she couldn’t hide it anymore.
But, as I said, we’re amicable to each other if we happen to bump into each other while we’re out. She’s remarried (her second husband after me, actually. Her first post-Superdude husband died), I’m engaged, but my fiancée and I consider ourselves married, and refer to each other as “my husband” and “my wife.”
Thank you for articulating that.