Things you probably won't ever get to say to them.

I haven’t really kept up with this thread but I noticed it again and decided I needed to put up some more stuff. So here goes.

To my family: I love you all dearly but you drive me nuts. Yes I moved out, I admit I was running from your insanity. You may not support all my decisions but thank you for at least starting to accept that I am no longer 5 years old and am 20, old enough to make my own decisions and mistakes.

To my Dad: I’m glad I can finally start to talk to you. It’s still hard but it is nice that I can actually say what’s on my mind without worry of repercussions. You and Susan are a wonderful couple, and despite your differences, which I have seen, I also see you do well together. I know Grandma and Sherry don’t like her much but you should do something good for yourself. G&S are dominating women, and they are your mother and sister, but Susan has helped you become a better person. I can see it in just how our relationship has changed. Without her… well I think you still wouldn’t talk to me much. I know I remind you of my mother, which makes you wary of me, but I am not her. I think Susan has helped you to finally realize that, and to realize how you have projected Mom onto me which caused the rift in our relationship. Marry Susan, or at least keep her around. Family will only get you so far and with our crazy family you need someone like Susan to help keep you sane.

To Susan: Thank you Thank you Thank you. You are a wonderful influence on my father, he is a much happier man. I haven’t seen him having such a great time just hanging out with all of us in years. Not since I was a little girl, before Mom and him started having problems… or at least my noticing them. I hope he will decide to ignore our family who have treated you badly and realize that he needs someone there to be with him. I certainly hope he stays with you. And even if you two break up I will keep in touch. I can talk to you about anything, and you have helped me through so much.

To my Mom: I love you so much, even though we live in different cities it is nice to know I can call you when I have a bad day and just cry over the phone as if you are here with me. I miss seeing you all the time though and I will try my best to visit you more often, if just to get those great hugs you give.

To Liam: I love you. You have your problems, but you are getting your life on track which is great. Now I only wish you could realize that you’re ex-wife shouldn’t determine all your future relationships. I wish as well you’d notice me as more than a friend, and perhaps a potential relationship material, but even if you don’t I wish you luck in any future relationships. You will make a great father someday. We have our disagreements and I know I get bitchy at you, it’s not really you so much though you can be irritating at times and I feel justified with getting snippy at those times. It’s just with my feelings for you and my inability to properly express them… I am frustrated with myself. You have helped me in a major way to find myself, to realize that I can make my own decisions for myself. I am still trying to get past residual psychosis from my insane family but if it weren’t for you and our friends I would probably be that little shut in girl I was when you first met me.

To that cute girl that ruffled my hair at the bar: I know you probably initially thought I was a guy sitting there by myself, but when you walked past and ran your fingers through my hair then gave me that cute smile of yours… well I was a goner. I should’ve stood up and said hello but I was nervous and could just grin back at you. Then I got called up to sing and I got more than a little drunk and didn’t think of finding you to say hello. But thanks for making my night.

To all my teachers at my school: Thank you so much. Before I came here I was only a half decent student, not really caring about my marks or what I learned. Instead here you have instilled in me a sense of wonder and curiousity about my world and helped to realize that maybe, yes, I can go to college and do what I have wanted to do since I was little. And thanks to you my marks have gone up, just by the fact that you try to make class as interesting as possible.

To the student teacher in my social class: You are a hotty. I’ll probably never see you again now that you have finished your practicum, but thank you for coming to our class and making it wonderful. We girls teased you a lot and you came across as a bit arrogant, but you made us laugh and brightened our class to no end. It was great having you for the last class of the day because you made class go so much faster, and so much more interesting, even if we got off topic half the time. I think we learned just as much with you teaching and goofing around as with the regular teacher teaching a full class. Maybe I’ll run into you at the bar sometime and we can actually talk instead of having the whole student/teacher thing happening.

lol I just realized. This thread was started awhile ago… I was 18 in my first post and now I’m 20. Wow how time flies…

jarbabyj

Thanks for starting this thread, even if it was a while ago.

Speaker for the Dead,

Thanks for resurrecting this thread. It has been really good for me.

Brad: What the hell is going on? You’re one of my favorite people in the world, but you’re going to have to grow up a bit. Decide whether or not you’re comfortable being good friends with a gay person and call me. I’m tired of you being so damn erratic.

To the ‘adults’ at my workplace: Just frickin’ stop. You’re no better than a group of pissy junior-high students. The backstabbing and passive-aggressive powerplaying is nauseating.

Megan R: Let go, honey. There’s a reason why I haven’t returned your phone calls for six months. I don’t want to be followed around by you and assailed with semi-insulting voicemail messages. Stop it. NOW.

Deanne: Thanks for standing up to everyone in that horrid little town. My respect for you is immeasurable.

Danny: Thank you, thank you, thank you! You’ve been one of the most defining forces in my life. I’m so privileged to be the person you come to when you need to talk. I know you’re going through a rough time right now, and I hope you know that I’m thinking about you.

Ryan: Thanks for treating me like an equal. You don’t have any idea how much I look up to you and have for some time.

Cindi: You ROCK. Why did you stick yourself with that worthless, borderline sociopathic megalomaniac? Cheers for being polished instead of pulverized by it.

Beautiful Blond Guy in Structure: Thanks for checking me out. It was a wonderful self-esteem booster.

Jeri: I’m glad you came back. Hope things with Heather turn out alright.

A: I have it bad for you, and you very likely have no clue. I have for a very long time. I’ve been patient, and I know it could work out if you had a bit more courage, but I’m giving up. I’ll always have plenty of love for you, but you’ve been displaced by…

Micah: I’m about an inch away from falling in love with you. Just give me an excuse and I’m there. Your call was the highlight of my night, and that you promised to call this afternoon made me happier than I have any right to be. We met a year ago, and every guy I’ve dated since then has been compared to you, and not one of them has come even close to measuring up. You’re brilliant, artistic, creative, funny, and altogether lovely. Not to mention distractingly beautiful. I’ll do absolutely anything you ask if you keep making that adorable face after I kiss you.

D&B: I’m REALLY sorry you guys hadda see that. I can’t even imagine having that shoved under your nose and being expected to sign it. I don’t even feel comfortable looking at that stuff, though I’m not surprised people come up with it. God bless both of you and the best of luck in every single project upcoming; work-related or no.

Cast and Crew of LOTR: You guys never cease to make me cry with wonderment. Each and every actor, costume, set design, direction, and line was absolutely perfect and you’ve truly brought Middle Earth to life for me. You’ve got me praying to become a Hobbit so that I may partake in your Middle Earth. May God bless this and every project you ever lay eyes on, and may everything you do turn out well. I’d hug you all but you’re all the way somewhere else.

~Ferry, paying homage to you all

What a great thread. I’m jumping in a bit late, but here goes:

Mrs. S - You don’t know what a contribution to made to my life, I was a messed up pre-teen who had just lost her mother, you allowed me a place to go where I could see a great example of a loving family. I’m sure I was a pest sometimes, but you never made me feel out of place. Of course, the fact that I was madly in love with your son was a big reason I was always hanging around your house, but there were plenty of times when you welcomed me into your home just to talk and spend time with you. I’m sure you realized I was without a mother and needed just to spend time with a motherly figure. I haven’t seen you in years, but I will never forget how you helped me get through those difficult years.

The Hot Guy on the Sundeck Back in 1987 - Why, no, I don’t have a boyfriend, and, yes, I’d love to go out with you sometime. (Did I really tell that guy that I DID have a boyfriend and that even though that boyfriend was out of town that I DIDN’T want to go out with him??? GOD, what an idiot!!)

Taira - I think about you every time I hear “Jack and Diane”. I can’t believe it’s been 13 years now that you have been gone. I always tell myself that we would have re-started our friendship after that weekend I saw you out of the blue. You really were like a sister to me, we had such great times and you taught me to have fun in life. I thank God often that he gave me one last chance to see and talk to you that weekend before you died. I think that’s part of the reason you are in my dreams so often. I wish we hadn’t lost touch when I went off to college, but like I have learned now, this happens in life. I miss you!

Kevin - We were really close friends and I always thought that we would be close for the rest of our lives. We always could look across the room at each other and know what the other was thinking. I really don’t understand why you ended up treating me the way you did. I guess I was just a way for you to get to Michelle. Now I wonder if you ever really cared about me as a friend at all.

Chris - Sometimes, you can be a real bitch, not just to me, but to everyone. Your little temper tantrums and snotty emails are wearing thin. I guess since I moved back to town and am closer now it pisses you off that you’re not the center of attention any more. And that crack you made the other day about “Well, you’ve got a man now, guess you don’t have time for anybody else”…what is that supposed to be about?? Because after 34 years I finally met my soul mate and am happier than I have ever been in my life you have to be BITTER about it?? If the tables were turned, I can honestly say I would be so happy for you. You deserve to be happy, sometimes I feel like you’re not, and you lash out at other people. I do love you, but you make it really difficult sometimes. I hope you can be happier in your life and not try to shut off the people that care about you.

Dan: I wasn’t one hundred percent honest with you. You had a good thing going and I felt like I was stepping on toes, so I bowed out gracefully. And it worked out for the best for everyone involved, you had a wonderful relationship with a wonderful person and I found someone who made me happy.

Sharni: You did know, right? You knew I had a massive crush on you. You must’ve. Surely. But Dan was soooooo right for you, and even though it’s over I’m glad you guys have the memories of great times together. I just wish I’d told you how I felt - not so anything could’ve come of it, just so I didn’t feel so damn awkward around you. But I still think you knew.

The red-headed girl: This is my Charlie Brown entry. You were the sweetest, most gorgeous girl I’d ever known, and about once a month I kick myself for not having asked you out all those years ago. I know that deep down we were too different and it wouldn’t have lasted very long, but it was high school for fuck’s sake, that’s what it’s for. I still think about you. Hope you’re taking care of yourself, wherever you are.

Josh: I’m a prick for the way I left town. I wish we’d kept in touch.

Tanya: I’m so sad to see where your life’s gone. I think you tried so hard to not be your mum that you ended up going down the wrong road and into a much, much worse life. If I were the religious type, I’d pray for you to get your life straightened out.

Other Tanya: Dude, you can do better. If you weren’t buddy material, I’d be chasing you. Laid back is one thing, but you don’t have to settle for a complete bogan.

Wendy, Louisa, Jessica: Attention from guys is not the be all and end all. You’re all gorgeous, but the insane part is you’re talented, smart, witty and engaging enough to turn the head of a blind man - if you put half as much effort into showing that side of yourself as you do into playing the vixen. I love you as people, not just as eye candy. Other people should be so lucky.

My grandparents: I’m an ungrateful son of a bitch. I don’t deserve you guys. But by the same token, love is more than what’s in your bank account. It saddens me that you may never fully grasp that.

Angelina Jolie: Come to Australia. There’s two Aussies who need to have a threesome with you, real bad.

I was about to write a few more, but this thread has inspired me to say them in person…

To my Mom I hope you are happy wherever you are now, I hope you have found peace. I was angry at you for a long time after you died,for some of the things you said. I know now that you had drug/alcohol problems and you weren’t yourself in the years/months/days leading to your death. I do remember the lucid moments in between the chemicals,the tender moments.
Dad still carries photos of you and him around,photos of when you were both young and in love, before the days of drink and drugs,photos of a lifetime ago. I dont think Dad has ever gotten over you, He’s had plenty of ladies after him over the years but he has never taken any one of them up on their offers.Dad hasn’t had a drink in 16+ years and I am proud of him. Say Hi to my little bro for me,and tell him I had a dream about him when he was still missing, The one where he said goodbye and I begged him not to go… I love you both…

To my mom- I am sorry I never became the person you wanted me to become. Perhaps someday I can make you proud. You have been my driving force my entire life and I am forever grateful to have you as my mother.

To my dad- I am sorry I quit playing football. I know that you liked watching me play and it really did mean alot to me to see you in the stands. I know now that it was a mistake to quit, but I was set in my ways and that was just the way it was. When I was in Alpha, I know I acted like I did not want you involved in the outings and what not, but looking back, I was glad you were there and proud that you were my father. I am not sure what I am going to do when I don’t have you around to call and ask for advice anymore, I just don’t even want to bear the thought of it.

To my brother - I am sorry that I could not have been a better brother. I know you wanted your space and your own friends, but I have alot of trouble making friends and I just wanted to be around you. Although we are very differant people, i hope we work hard to bridge those differences and remain as close as we are now.

To my uncle - You are not as impressive as you think you are. I know the rest of the family is all about you and your big house, but I don’t find satisfaction in material things and it just makes you emtpy and shallow.

To lindsay - I am so sorry for the way things worked out. I really did love you with every ounce of my being. I know I acted very childish and over bearing, but I was just a kid and still had alot to learn about myself. I really hope you are okay and happy. I have changed a great deal since Seattle and I have you to thank. My only wish is that we might have met under differant circumstances and could share the rest of our lives together. You are an amazing person and the world is better for having you in it.

To Amie - I am sorry I cannot love you the way you love me. I find great things in you and I am thankful everyday that you are a part of my life. The only thing we are missing is “that thing”

To Everyone - I am sorry for people i have offended because I am not always the best at getting my point across. I don’t hate anyone and I am sad that some people think I do. I know my opinions are sometimes strong and controversial, but it is just the way I am. I repect you, and your thoughts and beliefs. I am sorry that until this point in my life I have done bad things. I am sorry to Tim for hurting you in 6th grade, I think about that moment everyday. I am sorry for the people I stole halloween decorations from so many years ago. I am sorry for quiting jobs without proper notice, I am sorry for alot of things…

And finally…

To myself - I am sorry for being the way I am, I am try to change. I am sorry for not doing what I should have done all along. I am sorry for smoking and I am sorry for not taking care of my body. I am sorry for all the heartache and tears and pain. The longest journey begins with a single step. It will not be overnight and it will not be easy, but I am trying, I am really trying…

To RF: I’m tired of tiptoeing around you. The next time you’re rude to me, I’m going to say something back. This is a shame, because I like you a lot, and we have a lot in common.

To SWM: You were my first love. We wouldn’t have worked together, but 25 years later, I still dream about you sometimes. I hope your life so far has been wonderful!

**Eva Luna wrote **

Dear God, this is absolutely brilliant, summing up things nicely about …oh…fifteen people I know.

M #1: You’re such a dear person. Maybe in another life we’d be married, but I’m glad to call you my friend. Thank you for being there at times you didn’t even realize I was hurting. The geographical distance is unfair but at least there are ways to bridge that gap. I’m hoping for so many wonderful things for you in your life.

M #2: I was foolish, stubborn, and proud. I wanted to tell you I was sorry but I didn’t think you wanted to hear from me - or had convinced myself of that, at least, so I wouldn’t have to step up and say it. And then I heard you were dying in that hospital, so far away, and the depth of my error came crashing down upon me along with the guilt and sorrow. From what D said to me, you may well have still liked me as a person then, and eventually I found some solace in that - I just hope you knew, somehow, that I was still thinking about you and missing your friendship.

C: I miss gaming with you. I just wish you could control your temper at times - you can be such a giving and cool person, but then you blow up all over somebody and cause trouble. I’m sorry enough people took advantage of your generosity that it soured you so deeply.

S and P: I adored you guys when I was in high school. I thought you were handsome, smart, and we had a lot in common. P, I even thought you were interested in me when we had that sundae together. Was it something about me? If the chemistry just wasn’t there, I can understand that. Or was it just that we’d grown up together and I was more a sister than girlfriend material?

T: You were handsome, brilliant, funny, kind, and so understanding. But you let your girlfriend walk all over you, mistreat you, even hit you. I hope you’re with a better woman now, you didn’t deserve that.

SW: I miss you, and I love you more than you’ll ever know. You gave me so much; you helped me to see a world that I was sure didn’t really exist. I wish I could save you the way you saved me… but I know that I can’t, not now. Know that I think of you and pray and wish for your happiness every day. Take care of yourself.

To the moron-majority who surround me:
The world does not end at the county border. There is nothing wrong with finding one’s true place in the universe and remaining there for the rest of your life, but only when it is a choice, not when it is simple ignorance and laziness. And while you are at it, develop a sense of personally responsibility. Don’t go around messing up your own lives and spawning more, who through an unfortunate genetic twist of fate, wound up with you as “parents.”

To my immediate boss:
No one at this company likes you. This is because of several factors. One, you are totally incapable of doing your job. This is taken as an insult by those around you who not only can, but also frequently cover for your sorry ass, for less pay. Two, you are a sanctimonious, holier-than-thou, bitch, whose feigned attempts at friendliness and gratitude actually exacerbate the feelings of hostility towards you because they are either fake or signs of someone with a severe psychosis.

To my boss’ boss:
I am a human being. The others who work for you are also human beings, including those of different nationalities, races, and genders. Some people who work for you are actually good at what they do. Some people who work for you actually try hard. Most of the people who work for you are just as frustrated with the mutton heads you allow to run this organization as you are. In fact, we are getting quite frustrated at your lack of action with them. They need to go, and you are the only one who can do it. Oh, and a personal comment, insulting me in another language and then forcing me to translate that insult into English in front of my superiors is not a character-building exercise. It is humiliation, and I will give my 2 week notice as soon as my escape plan is finalized. It took you forever to find someone with my qualifications, good luck finding someone else to work in this godforsaken place for the sorry excuse for a salary you offer.

To Melinda Kostenbader (listing her name because I hope she sees it):
Back in the 10th grade at Wilson High School, I said something absolutely horrible about you, and you heard me say it. I didn’t mean it. The others in the room were harrassing me about you, and what I said was meant for them, even though it had your name on it. When I look back at things I wish I had never said, this one tops the list. You are a fine person, and your only crime is not being a member of the herd. I hope you have had a good life, and can find it in your heart to forgive me, but I understand if you can’t

To my ex-fiancee:
You drove me to seriously consider suicide, simply to get away from you. I do not know what your problems are, but normal people are not like you. You really need to get help, and soon. I admit that I did not act in the best way, particularly towards the end, but most of that was brought about by the extreme emotional and psychological state I was in because of you. You are sick, and I really hope you get well someday.

To my brother:
Get a frickin life. You are driving Mom and Dad into an early grave because you cannot be responsible. Do you really not realize how much stress and anguish you are causing them? Yes, your wife has serious problems. You knew that when you married her. It is now your responsibility to take care of her. You can’t even take care of yourself. You have been an adult for the majority of your life now. It is time to start acting like one. Oh, and you are my brother, and I love you, but do not ever start to think you can sponge off me the way you sponge off Mom and Dad. I have my wife and son to think about, and I really don’t want to be an enabler for your irresponsible lifestyle. It pains Mom and Dad deeply that their son is as much of a screwup as you are. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, take some responsibility, stop being such a frickin slob.

And finally something nice:
To the assistant phamacist at the Eckerd in West Columbia:
I am now very happily married, but then I wasn’t. You are so perfect it was physically painful to look at you, but what a wonderful pain it was. And when you smiled at me, my heart stopped. You may not know it, but you are Aphrodite.

I SO wish I would have seen this thread sooner, but I’ve been having some personal problems, and have been away from a while.

Dad…I’m sorry that I couldn’t tell you that I loved you while you were living. Now that you’re gone forever, I miss you. It’s that simple and that complicated. I wish that I would have realized exactly how important you would be to me in the future, and how much I loved you. After the divorce, al I heard was evil about you, and I took it at face value. I am really sorry. And I’m sorry that I have to sit here at this computer, almost two years to the day that you died, and shed my first tears over you. I feel like I failed you as a son, and I don’t think I can ever atone for that. I wish I would have told as many humorous stories about you while you were living as I’ve heard and repreated since your death. I wish you’d be around when I get married. More than anything, I wish you’d been as important to me in life as you’ve become in death. I love you, Dad.

Everyone on this Board…I’m sorry if I ever came across as antagonistic, oversexed, or negative in general. I wish I could have been me more. But I didn’t know who I was.

Stacey…I wish I’d have driven that night. That way I could see your face again. God, I miss your smile.

Shauna…Part of me’s sorry that I ever got involved with you to begin with. The other part of me wishes I’d have been there the night you were almost raped. He probably would have killed me, but it would have been worth it if it spared you from having to go through that.

This isn’t so much things I can’t say, but things I daren’t say.

Matt I still love you. Why did you have to be so paranoid that I’m an atheist, and that I was depressed? I never would have said anything about religion or lack thereof, but you’re depressed, too, so you should understand. I realize that you think it makes you weak to take medication, but it doesn’t, really. You were funny and sweet and gorgeous and you said I was beautiful, which meant a lot to me. And now it’s all gone. And I’m mad that I do love you, because you’re so close minded about so many things.

London Take the damn pills, you’ve got them for a reason. And I love you, even if your family doesn’t.

Jeannie You must realize that, if you dress all in black with chains and spikes and fishnets and black eyeliner and lipstick, people will think you’re Goth. Because you look Goth. Stop being so pissed when someone asks you if you’re Goth. It is as much your fault as it is their’s. (Love you anyway)

Yann Dude, you don’t have to act like the stonedest guy in the room to be cool. And wash your hair.

Peter You’re a fine younger brother, but it would be appreciated if you would shut the hell up sometimes.

Briana My bestest friend. But damn right I’ll get pissed if I come over to your house and you leave because Max called you. I was here before he called, you better tell him you’re busy.