Things you probably won't ever get to say to them.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
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This may, seriously, be the best thread I’ve ever seen on here. Anyway…

S: Dump him. Please. Me, C, and your mom all think he’s a total jerk who doesn’t deserve you. Now that you’re back in the U.S., hopefully you’ll see that too. You deserve the best guy in the world, and he’s so far from it I don’t even know where to start. He hates your best friends. How can you possibly want to be with someone like that?

C: I’m so glad to see you finally living out your dream. Both of us are doing it, and we’ve both helped eachother out so much along the way. To think that two years ago you almost died, and for your whole life you’ve never had the use of your legs. I’m a better person for having known you.

J: Why you’ve put up with me is something I don’t quite understand, but am eternally grateful for. You’ve kept me so close to your heart even though I’m managed to weird things up several times because I can’t let go of the past. But at the same time, I don’t know how you can’t believe that there is something so special between us. If you were mine, I’d treat you like a goddess everyday. I would die for you. I pray everyday that you end up coming back here, even if only for a few months, because I need you in my life so much. There has to be a reason that you call me first after everything critical that happens in your life. There has to be a reason we talk on the phone for hours at a time. There has to be a reason that you talk to me — an ex-boyfriend that’s 1,000 miles away — more than anybody else in your life. I do believe that you still love me, but you don’t want to give in to your emotions because you know its impractical for us to date right now. And you’re right. But at the same time, I know that you and I together would be perfect, just perfect. I want to wake up next to you, comfort you when you’re sad, and share in all your joys. As time goes by, I think that’s less and less likely, but I still need you here, in DC, as my friend. You allowed me to overcome the biggest demon in my life, and I can’t imagine being this far from you the rest of our lives. I love you. I always will.

Katie Holmes: Um, if things don’t work out with Jen, can you marry me, or at the very least let me fulfill every one of your desires in bed for the rest of time? You look smashing on the cover of GQ this month.

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L: You are a lowdown, lying, conniving bitch, and I’m ashamed I ever believed a single thing that came out of your mouth. You lied TO MY FACE and held onto that lie even after I have PROOF that you were making it up… and I never said anything. I held back because I didn’t want to start trouble, and I guess I still will, because I’m not wrecking everything so that I can have a few potshots at you. But one day karma will get you back, L, and I’ll be there to see it. T was right - you’re dishonest and irrational and that saddest thing is that you have people who still believe you. I’m ashamed that even for a short period of time, I was one of them.

B: I still think about you, sometimes. Maybe we should have kept in touch, maybe I just need closure. But you were a great person, and a great friend, and you will never know how much I loved you.

Man, I could go on all day with these. :slight_smile: Thanks for starting the thread, jarbaby, that was great.

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Wow, this actually is hard to do. And it should not be. I’ve been lurking at this board for over a year. But never posted anything personal.

::deep breath::
To Amy

I wrote a poem about you…

*Stitches

Beaten, Battered, and Torn,
My own melodramatic whore,
You were always touching everything you adored;

You were the queen of needles looking for the score,
Always finding,
But always scorn;

I never bothered with the why, or how…;

But see that is where my heart lies,
Deep down in the scene,
With the raven eyes of my heroin queen;

Just a thorn in the flesh is all you’ll ever mean,
A slack ascension to the heights of my dreams…
*

I was going to give it too you all those years ago, it was the only way I’ll ever know how to tell you how much you meant to me. You’re the strongest addiction I’d ever had. And I’m still going through withdrawals. Let me just say that I was just too young and inexperienced, and I’m sorry I never really got over you. I never wanted to feel that way. Especially after it was so damn evident that it was over. I just could not help how I felt and it ruined our friendship, and half my life. And drove a wedge between the whole group. I am so truly sorry. I could go on and explain the reasons why I was in love with you, as I have had many years to brood over them, but it’s not important. Let me just tell you a few things. You changed my life more than anyone ever has; you were the only person that I think ever loved me. I know it’s weird now, I have not really seen you in a year or so. And were never going to see each other again more then likely. But I really wish you and Clint the best, and your son is absolutely beautiful. I know you two are happy, and I’m genuily happy for you. I just wanted you to know how I felt. And how much you taught me about myself, life, and how to cope with pain. Good luck and best wishes Amy, you will always be in my heart.

To Justin

You’re the absolute best friend any one in this entire fucking world could ever hope for. I thank god every day that I was lucky enough to have met you. There is nothing I have ever done, that you were not there for me. I only hope I have been there for you as well. I love you Justin. I’ll do everything in my power to help you with anything, just ask man. But, you really need to get over Alicia. I know what it can be like, trust me. She betrayed you and she is only playing you. And you’re just to damn good of a guy, and you let her do it. You need to drop that bitch, and soon. Don’t chase after something that you can’t get. I may not know much about women, but I know more then you can imagine when it comes to chasing after nothing. Just let her go. Your deserve so much better, your the only person in this world that I know who is completely truthful, and good. And you’ve always been my role model. And again I’m here for you if you ever need anything at all.

To Jonathan

I won’t lie were not the same friends we used to be. Not that we are not real good friends. It’s just changed. Not worse, just different. I don’t know what exactly happened, I think Nick is the reason mostly. I really hate him sometimes. He was always just loathing around mooching off everyone. Anyway, I know that thing me you and Tina did was weird, and I really have know idea how were still friends. Especially after making it a monthly thing. It really boggles my mind. I only mention that because it’s the only proof I think that were still such close friends. But as I’m writing this I can see a little in the future, were going to grow apart. And I’m so fucking sad I’m going to lose a real good friend. I really hope I’m wrong. I mean I remember the times we used to have. We have not have not really hung out one on one in so long, I guess what I’m trying to say is the magic is fading. I’ve racked my brain trying to think up ways to make our friendship like it was. But we just have nothing in common anymore. I love you man, but I just don’t feel like you feel the same way about me. I don’t know. You’re so cold now; you never let anyone know how you feel. I know you tell Tina what’s bothering you and your problems, and rightly so. But please don’t exclude me from your life. I’m here for you if you ever need me man. Just don’t forget me.

To Nick

Why? Why did you have to come in my life? You fucked everything up. I don’t actually hate you the person, just what you represent. I know it’s petty. But you stole one of my best friends. You made it your mission to exclude me from every activity that you and Jonathan did. I would call Jonathans house, and ask what he was doing that weekend, and every time. You invited everyone but me. I don’t know what I did to you, and I really don’t wish you any harm. But I’m not shedding any tears that you moved away, and I really won’t any sleep over you ever moving back here.

To Shane

I think you’re the only true person I know. You do cheat us all a little, but we allow you. But you never ever did a single thing to me. And you’ve always had my back. You’ve been a mentor to me, and a better friend than I deserve. I respect you more then you know. I just wish you would lay off the whiskey. Having bleeding ulcers, and kidney stones at 20 is not a good sign man. I don’t want to bury you when I’m 35. Please Shane, you’re too good a person to drink your life away. You have so much talent in everything you do. I love you man and I don’t want to see you hurt. And if you ever need anything just let me know.

To Chris B.

We have not known each other long, but your one of the coolest people I’ve ever known. You’ve never judged me, even though you could. And you’re the guy who’s always given me advice about women, and I really appreciate your patience with me. I think I have a better understanding of you than most of our friends, I think we both think in the same ways. And that’s why we get along so well. I hope we can spend the next couple years getting to be better friends. I really look forward to moving out with you and Justin. And! You’re the only one who will ever go raving with me. Stay cool.

To Elizabeth

I’m sorry. I’m sorry I treated you the way I did. You never deserved that. I really did love you. But I still treated you wrong. I don’t know where you are now, or who your with. But I really hope you’re happy. I wish there was something I could do to make it up to you. I just hope you find someone who will treat you like you should be treated. Best wishes, I hope I run into you sometime.

To Stevie

I can’t believe it’s been nearly two years since the wreck. I only knew you as Chris’s older sister, but you were so cool. I miss you Stevie and I know Chris does too. I’m sure your kids will grow up knowing that they had a mother who loved more then they will ever know. They are in good hands, and I hope one day I’ll get to meet up with you again, and get high just one more time.

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Dad

You suck. I tried for years to get you to be a father. Tried to interest you, in some way, in my life. You made promises to spend time with me, and never showed. I guess you felt you had better things to do.

I have yet to get over it, though. I needed you, and you abandoned me and the family in every way there is.

I tried to convince mom to go after you for the 12 years of back child support you owe her, but she is a forgiving sort.

You bastard.

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To R: You are the big sister I never had and always wanted. You have no idea how much I look up to you, and how much you encourage me, just by being around. When I was just a scared kid who didn’t know anyone, you took me under your wing. I am a changed and better person because of you.

To grandpa You are my hero. You have done more in your life than anyone I know. You are gracious and kind. You make people feel like they are the most important thing in the world to you.

To A I know you’re hurting. I wish I knew how to get through to you how much you are loved. How truly precious you are. I would die for you if it could make things easier. Hang in there - there’s a life out there that you can’t even imagine. You won’t be 15 forever.

To Dad I love you forever. I like you for always. I hope you know.

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::lines up behind Tygr and hardygrrl

Amy: I miss you too, more than you could possibly know. I hope all is well in your world and that things are looking brighter for you.
{{{{Falcon}}}}

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M: How could you? You were my best friend!

Mom: I know I wasn’t the greatest son in the world. I hope you’d be proud of me now.

F: I’m not a violent person- but I will break your legs for what you did to your daughter, if I ever find you.

B: I’m so sorry for what F did to you. I’m sorry I wasn’t a better friend during all of that.

R: You were never my “Dad”, genetics notwithstanding. Where were you when I was growing up, and all the other kids had fathers?

C: We had our differences, but I still wish things had turned out better- I’m so sorry for all I did and said. And get AWAY from your parents- they’re pretty damn toxic.

S: I don’t know what to say, actually- I’m still trying to sort things out. All I know is that I’m attracted to you- more so than I’ve been to anyone else.

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Chris: You were my first real crush & my first real chance.
Thanks for letting me down easy, and thanks even more for coming back six years later to find & talk to me - I’m sorry I wasn’t there. If you read this and recognize the username, drop me a line. I’ve been to the Field Museum a couple of times since… and think fondly of you.
Bruce: You have no idea how many times I just wish I’d told you I already had a boyfriend. I was just so flattered… I had no idea you’d fall that hard. “when lilacs (and cherry blossoms) last in the dooryard bloomed…” I’ll remember that spring for the rest of my life.
I went back to the Windy City this summeron business, and stayed a block off Clark street – I think I went to the same pizza place we ended up in.
I hope you’re happy out in California – and I’d like to get back in touch.
Eric: I had a good time this summer, working with you on the SSA project. I don’t know if JG said anything and you intentionally ignored the flirting, or I’m just not good at it. Or maybe you flirted back a bit - we exchanged some ambiguous looks on more than one occasion.
But since nothing happened, you’ll just remain a very fond “what might have been”. Thanks.

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Dad: I find it sad to hear that you are dying and realize that I don’t care. Perhaps my detachment from your life will change once you are gone, but I won’t know until it happens.

I often wish that you had had the tools to be a good father. I know I could have been a good son. I realize that you didn’t have a very good role model and perhaps that in itself was why you never tried. You might be interested to know that I have 2 boys and I spend every day looking for ways that I can part of their lives. Yes, it is hard work and not always fun, but my goal is to raise my children and then have them return home to see me because they want to.

I can’t live my life entirely for myself and my needs because I have made a committment to my family and you know what? I wouldn’t trade this for anything in the world.

We all chose our paths in life. Sorry yours didn’t turn out better.

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To my ex-husband:

You hit me. I left. That is all there was to it. I never cheated, despite what your stupid accusations. The only shame on me was my wasting 13 years on you. Oh, and you were an even worse lover than even you thought. I’ve had more partners this year than my previous 30, so I can say that with some confidence. None of them minded my making some noise, none chewed me out for talking during. :smiley: Not that I could manage to speak very often… I even enjoyed making love to/with most of them, quite a surprise to me it could be so nice.

All those things you said about me, that weren’t even close to true, just to hurt me? You were stupid. I’m glad you lost your meal-ticket/free-ride (me). I’m glad that I did it just so you couldn’t hurt me any more. I’m glad I had a good friend to talk me out of that dangerous funk the day you hit me, again, and weren’t sorry. I loved you. I learned, that day, that you had never loved me. My only regret is I wasted my younger years on you. My satisfaction is that I’ll never waste myself like that again.

To the friend and lover who cured my self-hate:

You reached out, and caught my hand above the Void. You stayed there with me until I decided to walk back under my own power because you were wise enough to rescue my sense of worth, not just my soul. You taught me that love can be the estatic experience it is said to be, when I was sure it didn’t really exist. You, my friend, may be far away but you are never distant in your support, love, and friendship even now. I’m glad to know you. I’m happy I got to tell you just how much you’ve already done for me. I’m even more glad I still get to add more to the list.

To the guys who’ve tried to kick me since:

I don’t care if your ego smarts; you deserved it. Don’t kick me, and I won’t dump you. Don’t make stupid cracks about the books on my bedroom shelf and expect to get lucky. Don’t kiss me with cold lips then call me frigid. Don’t assume because you’ve slept with me you can tell me how to run my life, take tasks out of my hands, and in general be a complete pain the ass. If the lot of you even shared one clue, I might’ve not had to dump all of you.

To the friends I’ve made here:

This board rocks, and so do all the folks I’ve met through it. Thanks, everyone. I never would have imagined I could throw a party, and people would not only come to it, they’d even seem to enjoy themselves! (faint smile) I’m still trying to get used to this, but I sure do like the feeling.

To my little brother:

I’m really glad you found such a great lady to be your wife. I hope the kid thing works without a hitch this time. I’m sorry I was hasty to anger when you began to whine during your last visit; I shouldn’t react like when we were kids just because you suddenly retrogressed. I would offer to visit you, this time, so you don’t have to drive, but you haven’t even spoken to me again, not a phone call or an email. I wasn’t that ugly to you, was I? Please, let me be human, too? Even a Big Sister can’t always be perfect.

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To O bin L: Hot enough for ya? Well, how about NOW? :stuck_out_tongue:

To the “people” who hurt L: (ibid.)(I’d post more but it’d be a felony)

To KS: You’re a lanky git. Nice going, scumwad.

To the guy on the phone at the computer store in 1993: Speaking as an equal to someone who was obviously a kid was very cool, and much appreciated. And very helpful, too…though I still like my Mac. :slight_smile:
And finally, since I’ll really never get to say this:

To Julius Caesar: “Oh, it is no magic, my leige. Merely a simple mixture of saltpeter, brimstone, and charcoal. Lt me demonstrate…” :smiley:

Ranchoth

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First off:

{bolding mine}
After reading these boards for a couple of years, I doubt that.

Now for me:

Kim: I miss you. Why did you and I wait until after you were married?
My parents: I’ve only recently grown enough to be able to say “I love you”. I do. All that you’ve taught me are good things, like pride, and mercy, and compassion, and self discipline. Thank you.

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Dierdre:

Fuck you, bitch.

134

To my dentist:

I know you don’t know me very well since I’m a new patient, but I am not faking this. My teeth really do hurt and I’m just as puzzled as you are as to the reason. I know we’ve done a lot of work this last two months and I know that I have taken a lot of vicodin since that started, but it’s been a couple of weeks now and the ibuprofen just isn’t cutting it. I know I fit the profile for someone who is faking it, but I’m not. I don’t care if I get Vicodin or something else, I just want something that works. :frowning:

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M.K- I love you. Sorry the timing on the whole life deal sucks. Hope you find someone as good for you as Medea’s Guy is for me.

My elementary school- You suck. What educator in their right mind responds to a bright, inquistive, happy, gifted child by having them teach the LD kids? Could you have at least tossed a few special projects my way or something? Would it have killed you to not try to normalize me and let me be a bright, inquisitive, happy, gifted child? Was it really necessary to try to make me into a “normal” child? Blah. You suck.

James, Bob, Jason- Everything’s okay, really.

Skippy-Get away from my best friend you snake of a soulless arachnid. Grrr. Grrr. I’m watching you and if she ever figures out what a slime ball you are she’ll know right where I am if she needs me. The second you lose her magic protection you are toast asshat. Grrr.

Nikki- You’re boyfriend is scum, please honey don’t trust him, watch how he treats you and find someone better.

Parents of my housemates- Congrats, you’ve fucked up your kids! Your son is an abusive psychopath when it comes to women and you’ve trained your dauther that as a female she has no inherent worth. Welcome to civilization where that shit don’t fly. Just because I won’t take abuse from your son doesn’t mean I’m the problem. Assault is assault.

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There’s a website out there with the same concept as this thread: things we can’t say, unsent letters. It’s at www.sothere.com

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AJ-I wish I would have apologized to you back in high school. I still feel horrible for yelling at you. Please understand that busting out “I love you” out of blue between rounds at a drama tournament caught me off guard. I genuinely wish I would have handled it much better.

B-I wish I would have kept in touch after you graduated from high school. I still wonder where you are and what you’re doing with your life. I hope all is wonderful and grand and you’re happy, but I know in my gut that is probably not the case.

Kindergarten teacher-I didn’t hear the story until years later but it enrages me every time I think about it. You didn’t think I should go on to the first grade, so you referred me to the guidance counselor. I remember putting together a puzzle in her office. The guidance counselor told my mom “Oh, [Ballybay’s] smart as hell. She’s just not a very good teacher. She had [Ballybay’s brother] and expected her to be like that.”
You’re probably getting ready to retire in a few years, if you haven’t already, and all your life you’ve probably heard people say how teachers deserve more money and more respect for what they do. In your case, consider this bullshit. My parents were smart enough to withhold judgement until they had spoken to the counselor. Other parents might not have been so understanding. Please think, just for a second, about all the damage your idiocy might have caused. Then bite me.

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**p **

I have never stopped thinking about you. Oh, I am looong over you dumping me, and have been over that for quite some time.
I found someone who is absolutely incredible, we have two incredible kids and work incredibly well together. The word ‘incredible’ appears three times in the above sentance.

I wouldn’t trade all that I have now for what we had then. I wouldn’t give up the memories and things I learned with you for all the tea in China or ( more appropriately) free lipo and a boob job. You helped me find my voice. You were the first to see me as I wanted to see myself. Strong. confident. funny. Pretty.

I have never thanked you for teaching me how to ski. I’ve been all over Colorado skiing, damn near killed myself a time or two with the Live and Learn Ski Plan.

If I could do it all over again, I would not have had that crappy perm. :smiley:

You are forever 21 in my memories. Tall, fit , confident, funny, caring and handsome. Every time I see a police officer on TV or in a Movie or hear New York, I think of you. Do you know how much that happens? Could you say the same thing if you heard 'Michigan" . When was the last time anyone heard the word ‘Michigan’ in a movie or TV? (sigh)

I keep you in my prayers every night. No really, I do. Keep safe and maybe one day we will meet again. ( I look the same, only bloated.)

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**Russell Crowe ** Any time baby, any time. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

140

Dear Mom,

I miss you. It’s been almost five years since you passed but it still feels like yesterday to me. There are so many things I’ve experienced that I wish I could have shared with you. I think I’ve finally stopped being mad at you for dying on me and now I just miss you more than anyone has ever missed anything.

If there’s a heaven, I know you’re in it. And if you can hear me, please know that you were the best mom anyone ever had and I admire the wonderful person you were. I’m sorry for all the times I was a selfish kid and didn’t pay attention to the fact that not only were you my mom, you were a person too. I strive every day to be as good a person as you and I can’t tell you how my heart swells with pride when people tell me I am just like you. I looked down at my hands the other day and realized they were your hands! I’m even getting arthritis at 28, just like you. I took up golf again–your clubs are perfect for me. I played with your sister and she said I look exactly like you when I swing.

I touched the little mole on the back of my earlobe last night and remembered all the times I sat at your feet while you stroked my hair and played with that little mole. I can’t even describe how much I miss your gentle touch, our hugging competitions to see who was “on top”, your smell, the way you used to dance around the living room and sing “doo-doo-doo” when you didn’t know the words. I miss the way you used to spell “lettus” on your grocery list no matter how many times I told you it was “lettuce”. I miss that you used to confuse Van Morrison with Van Halen. I miss spending Wednesdays with you and Gram. I miss your joy and love of the season at Christmas.

Mostly, I just miss you, Mom. I’m glad I never passed up the chance to tell you I love you.