If you don’t like your boss at work, simply make him vulnerable to attack and then hit his weak points. Repeat two to four times. Once this is done, he will drop something that is essential to proceeding on your career path.
Fish can communicate a great deal of information with subtle inflections of the word “Schmae?”
When you’re the mayor, you must personally be on the scene of every kitchen fire.
Kids can learn to talk, walk, and be potty-trained in a few hours, but only if you’re secretly giving back-massages to your neighbor’s wife.
I can beat Mike Tyson.
A tent city can turn into a really fly villa and back again in a couple of months.
The enemy will always follow a strategy of wearing you down from room to room, all the while dropping health benefits. Ganging up on you in a bottle-neck is generally regarded as a bad way to deal with somebody who takes a lot of hits to kill and is armed to the teeth.
Falling three hundred feet or so won’t kill you or break a single bone, but it does mean you’ll probably die if somebody tosses a pointed stick at you.
It takes several years for a diplomat to get from Asia Minor to Germany, but communication between cities you hold in these areas is instantanious.
The Death Star fires an awful lot of laser charges into the sky, but that’s apparently because the Empire wants a good light show for CNN. Not a single one of those green bolts will ever hit you.
And finally… because it must be mentioned sooner or later…
a sharply pointed stick can destroy a modern tank.
Oh, and one thing I forgot to mention - and this will become very important as space becomes our next battlefield - space ships do stop moving when they run out of gas, they do make a lot of noise and catch fire when damaged, but that’s all OK because you can fix and refuel them by spraying green stuff at them.
And on the same note, no matter how desperate your situation may seem, you know everything will turn out OK when a defector from an alien empire shows up in the last battle. You’ll feel especially assured you’re safe when you learn that the defector’s name is Elson, but he’s signing over ships with Arabic-sounding names to your command.
All chinese civilians carry handguns with their briefcases. However, if a raging gun battle breaks out around them, they will not attempt to use such guns, but will calmly stride around as if nothing is happening.
If you accidently shoot one of these civilians, they will proceed to pull their guns out and run around trying to shoot you. If you kill them in self defense, you will lose the game, but the civilians are free to continue trying to shoot you by any means possible without worrying about being arrested(because the police are trying to shoot you too).
The two most common names in the universe are “Shiva” and “Phoenix.” (At least, when it comes to ships, programs, groups, government operations and/or superweapons.)
You can get skewered by a pitchfork, punched by a giant, step in a bear trap, and be completely fine as long as you have a can of spray.
You will also be fine if you eat an egg.
Eggs, sprays, or herbs will only help you and your young lady friend. If anyone else gets hurt, they’re dead.
You can have the best weapons and be the strongest warrior in the galaxy, but if two guys pull weapons on you in a cinema scene, you’ll surrender without a fight.
It’s totally possible to jump off a bridge and change your outfit and boots before you hit the water.
Trumpets, buckets of water, and barbells will burn like paper, but touch just a tiny bit of a large flaming ball into a body of water, and the whole thing will go out. :mad:
Energy drinks obtained in the weird other-dimension bathroom or haunted cemetary are fine to consume.
You can use your subway tolken over and over and over. . . until you get the metro card.
It takes several passes with a chainsaw to even injure a hell hound.
Being grey with scars to the point where you’re completely without regular skin impedes neither hair growth nor reciprocal sexual attraction via hot tieflings.
Sexual intercourse between demons and humans is only slightly less common than finding a stack of saleable jewlery on someone too poor to be able to afford a decent weapon.
If a strange woman attacks you unprovoked, then breaks off halfway through the fight in awe of your skill and beseechs you to kill her as she is unworthy, she is about to join your party and will probably fall in love with you later.
Half the time, water is the msot dangerous substane on earth and will kill you instantly. The other half forces you to take a long, painful journey through it.