Things you've learned from watching cartoons

Cafe Society
61

I think everyone has covered most of the stuff from my own childhood. Here are things that I’ve learned from my kids’ shows:

Not quite right. It can contain no more than one of any species of each gender

No matter where you need to go, there will be two landmarks to pass, and then your final destination.

If it seems that an animal can’t understand you, try Spanish.

Goldfish can have questions.

Whatever outlandish scheme you and your brother execute, don’t worry, it will be gone by the time mom gets home.

Ziplines are just long enough for a song.

“Bad guys” have a simple phrase that always works to banish them. Sometimes you have to say it three times.

Patting your lap makes vehicles go faster.

It’s perfectly acceptable for small children to wander alone in nearly any environment, as long as they are accompanied by a tamed wild animal.

Stars are solid, sentient flying creatures with faces.

62

Correction: you can buy anything from an Acme company. There were many different companies named Acme, which made all kinds of things. So the Acme company that made exploding tennis balls, and the Acme company that made rocket backpacks aren’t necessarily the same company.

63

I believe that further investigation would reveal that the various Acme companies are all wholly-owned subsidiaries of Acme Corporation.

64

I always figured that Acme simply diversified well.

When I was a kid, we had a local Acme supermarket. I was disappointed that I couldn’t buy Vanishing Cream, Bat Wings, or Earthquake Pills there.
Requisite Acme Products link:

http://home.roadrunner.com/~tuco/looney/acme/acme.html

65

A conjunction hooks up words and phrases and clauses.

66

“Realize.”

Never expect a happy ending in an opera. They don’t exist.

Everybody sounds like Mel Blanc.

67

Actually, Mel Blanc sounds like everybody.

68

As kunilou pointed out upthread, not everyone sounds like Mel Blanc – some sound like Paul Frees and June Foray.

And, I’ll add, some of them sound like Daws Butler.

69

…which is owned by Bruce Wayne and Lex Luthor! Every time Wile E. Coyote buys a rocket-powered skateboard or spring-hinged mallet, he makes Gotham a little safer–and Metropolis a little more dangerous.

70

Until the 1960s, most people carried fused sticks of dynamite around with them just in case they needed some.

71

You can jack up a barber chair so high that the customer crashes into the ceiling.

72

A hairy monster, when shaved, will turn out to be nothing but hair.

73

The short one will always be named George, and the tall, dumb one will always ask his friend to tell him about the rabbits like Lenny in “Of Mice and Men.”

74

If you have what is by far the fastest car in a race, the best strategy is not, in fact, to simply keep going at top speed.

Instead, what you should do is get out to a huge lead, stop, and then set up some sort of improbable trap to try and ruin the chances of the cars that shouldn’t be able to keep up with you anyway.

Also, car repair is remarkably simple and quick.

75

Hillbillies will do anything you tell them to do, as long as you give the directives in the form of squaredance calls.

76

WHACK!

“The world she’s-a flat, like-a YOU head!”

77

Every experience, no matter how violent or surreal, will be a learning experience and an opportunity for personnel growth for all the children involved.

Oh, yeah, and Cartman really likes having his balls licked.
:eek:

78

Unless!.. there is good purchase. In which case your legs will take off without you leaving your upper torso in place for a few seconds.

79

And your torso, then your neck stretches like a rubber band, leaving your head in the frame. Then everything catches up.

80

If there is no rigid ceiling (tent canvas will tear on contact), you can jack the barber chair all the way up to low Earth orbit.