The entire 1980 Topps baseball card set
A Wingman Interceptor joystick
Billions and billions of stars
waterj2, but he never noticed, hee hee
Two hubcaps from a 1967 Ford Mustang
A Shaolin fighting monk
The original print of “The French Connection”
Two VCR copies of “The French Connection”
The entire cast and crew of “The French Connection”
My grandmother’s needlepoint
Norway
Fine china
A Turkish rug
Many hockey pucks
The lyrics to every song in the South Park movie, printed on fine stationery
One of those stand-up halogen lamps everyone gets in college
A P-38 Lightning
A truly astounding number of M&M’s
A broadsword
Three gallons of 5w30 motor oil
A German shepherd
Jimi Hendrix’s rendition of “The Star-Spangled Banner”
Angst
And I did it all for free.
Uh…thanks AHA. I’ll never be able to look at a glossy magazine again!!
It sure does count. However: a GTV is a sporty Alfa Romeo. The high speed train you’re referring to is the TGV, short for Train a Grande Vitesse.
We now return you to our normally scheduled “Shove Objects Up Your Rectum Contest”, or SOUYRC.
Hey, Cold’ems, can you shove that Clogcock of yours up your own ass? 
It’s long enough, from what you tell us.
This scares me because…
- I own a 1980 Topps baseball card set…
and
B. I just started last week Tech Support for that company!!! GACK!!!
I once used to end of a wooden spoon to help when I was crippled over in pain and desperate with constipation. (It didn’t help, and I was taken to an emergency room for “irrigation”, with battery acid it seemed.
What? Too real.
I meant the entire 1980 Topps baseball card set.
Yeah! And it fixed up my medical problem right away!
I know… I’m sorry… I am not funny and very unoriginal, I’m sorry. 
Thanks for the biggest laugh I’ve had in a long time.
I’ve never put anything major up my ass just because it’s rather boring . . . although I did manage 12 or so marbles once. And some buttons, and some straws, and quarters (coins of all sizes, really) . . . but not all of these things at the same time.
“Hello, Tech Support?”
“Yes?”
“My… uh… [sub]I seem to have inserted your product up my ass.[/sub]”
“Please hold, sir.”
This is a slight hijack but
I work in a hospital, what follows is a partial list of objects that have been removed from various rectums by our emergency room and surgery personnel, and the excuses offered for their being there.
A pager, still paging—“I have no idea how that got there”
A large bottle of bingo ink-dauber with a condom on it “Some guys held me down in the parking lot and put that there”
A light bulb, large end first “See my boyfriend and I were just messing around” BTW this unfortunate person ended up with a colostomy after the thing broke from the force of her bearing down so hard trying to pass it.
A Sear’s craftman wrench “I was at this frat party last weekend and when I woke up my butt hurt, now today when I was taking a shit *this thing[i/] came half-way out but is now stuck, I’m afraid to pull on it.”
An entire 10 inch vibrator, still buzzing, “I accidently sat down on it, I left it on the bed from the night before”
Too many cucumber, and carrots to count.
I know, I know! “Harold, if you don’t shut that pager off I swear I’ll…”
By the way, I think we found our next Olympic Event.
Wow… they DO tape-record those calls for quality purposes!
Wasn’t there an Onion article about this?
What the Hell did I cram in My Anus Last Night?
http://www.theonion.com/onion3605/cram_in_my_anus.html
My cat, Noel, frequently sticks her nose up Misty’s furry little butt!
{ahem}
A penis, attached to a man named Huy. And indeed, it was rather spur of the moment.
But only once.
{ahem}
That is all.
Esprix
My drum key… Ewww, wait I have to use that now!!!
19,000 double punched ballots
Yes, but did you enjoy the ‘hanging chads’?
<Menacing German Soldier>
" It seems your manager didn’t realize that here in Europe we use 220v instaed of 110. We found him impailed on a large electric device. ( he holds up a power dildo called the “anal intruder” that actually looks like a small jackhammer) Our doctors did all they could…but it took them more then 2 hours just to get the smile off his face."
Actually, I know a guy who did this… he kept paging himself while it was in there (supposedly, it “ripped” him). Oh, did I mention that drugs were involved?
(And when I say “I know a guy…” I’m not referring to me. Not that I wouldn’t put a pager up my butt, it’s just that I’ve never owned a pager.)
My drum sticks … Ewww, wait I have to use those now!!!
Were you blond the snare drummer at the end of the line?