This could be ugly or beautiful, or both.

[enigm4tic]

@Zoe

tvvat, it is very important that you prepare some way for her to have a little bit of privacy

yeah, I guess that puts it a bit more directly than “have a couch in the living room”, and gets at the actual issue.

Remember that not only will you be living with somebody who you don’t know very well (in the grand scheme of things) but you’ll be living a life that’s closer and less private than most married couples do, and that in particular will be quite difficult.

[Fastidiots]

@Zoe

tvvat, it is very important that you prepare some way for her to have a little bit of privacy – a space where she can be alone and not be bothered by anyone… BTW, is she covered by medical insurance?

Thank you very much for your advice Zoe, I appreciate your practical suggestions, even the daunting pile of challenges you’ve compiled :).

I don’t know if this’s naive of me, but being Canadian we’re pretty well covered on most fronts, save for dental. Matter of face she’s getting her braces finally removed just before she moves down.

Suddenly I’m struck with the mental image of how young and fragile a picture I’ve painted of her. I’ve convinced myself anyways, that she’s strong and mature young woman much beyond her years (beyond my years).

This could almost be likened to a traditional East Indian arranged marriage . My roommates Aunt and Uncle were stood at the front of the ceremony back to back as perfect strangers, then turned round and were wed :eek: .

[Fastidiots]

@enigm4tic

yeah, I guess that puts it a bit more directly than “have a couch in the living room”, and gets at the actual issue.

Remember that not only will you be living with somebody who you don’t know very well (in the grand scheme of things) but you’ll be living a life that’s closer and less private than most married couples do, and that in particular will be quite difficult.

Jeeezuz. This is getting harder to swallow as the night wears on eh? I think I liked your earlier comment best…

@enigm4tic

you’ll get a good life lesson out of it no matter how it turns out, good or bad.

[glee]

@tvvat

I’d probably be peeved if I were my own roommate too. It’s a four bedroom, two bathroom townhouse. We’ll all share a fullsized kitchen and livingroom. Everyone pays the same $550 a month regardless of whether or not the unit has four tenants or one. I’m reeeally hoping I get assigned to three righteous dudes that’re cool with everything. But experience tells me you’ll get one cool guy, one lazy ass stoner, and someone that doesn’t speak english, but is happy to play scales well into the night. The story I’ve concocted is ‘Oh, my girlfriend is gonna stay a few nights til she can find a place, hope you guys don’t mind’, then settle into ‘It’s impossible to find a place in the damn city… tell yah what, I’ll do your dishes for the entire summer’. If it comes right down to it, we could always offer to pay one fifth of everyones rent. And yeah, I know I’ll be putting them on spot if I ask, so I’m hoping that being the most benevolent, kind, and cheerful roommates one could ask for will do the trick. Look for a “OGDAMN ROOMIES ARE EATING OUR FOODZ AND I CAN’T SAY SHIT!!1!!” thread in a couple months.

What if your roommates all decide to bring in a friend as well?

Couldn’t you two spend some time finding her a place nearby yours?
You’re still dating, but there’s much less pressure. And you’re helping her.

P.S. I don’t like the sound of her family much…

[Hostile_Dialect]

OK, you dated this woman for three months and now she’s moving in with you? Take it from me–I’ve had very recent experience with this (November 2006), except we dated in person–this is a bad idea and you should take whatever steps that are still possible to keep it from happening.

And as I was the “nearly moneyless” one there, I know firsthand that it’s easy to accidentally end up hundreds of dollars in debt to a caring housemate/lover who can’t afford to subsidize you, but does it anyway.

If you do go ahead with it, this is sound advice:

@Zoe

tvvat, it is very important that you prepare some way for her to have a little bit of privacy

That very thing was a big problem when my similar-situation started to go sour fast. I was the clingy one, so I can’t imagine how much of a nightmare it was for her.

@enigm4tic

you’ll get a good life lesson out of it no matter how it turns out, good or bad.

tvvat, you have NO IDEA how true this is.

[elbows]

I have to think the really important questions you should be asking are these;

Am I mature enough to handle things if the whole arrangement goes south?

Am I mature enough to avoid the histrionics, the screaming, crying, door slamming, room mate annoying break up scenario?

Am I mature enough to end it, if need be, before I lose forever this persons friendship because we have moved too fast?

I think you can make this work, but it will take some, well, work.

Before you firm up these plans anymore sit down and devise an exit strategy you can both abide. Taking into account there could be anger and feelings of disappointment running wild. If you can manage this conversation then I’d say you have a shot.

And good luck!

[Cat_Whisperer]

Oh, you’re going to be living in Calgary. That does indeed change things. For those of you not in the know (i.e. most of you :D), Calgary has about a 0.2% vacancy rate for rentals right now. I still don’t think you’re doing the right thing though, springing an unexpected female roommate living in your room on your new roomies, tvvat. If I may be blunt, that kinda makes you the asshole. When you rent a room in a shared towhouse with three other guys, you expect to show up and have it be three other guys (only).

If she doesn’t mind sharing a room with you, can she not get a small room in some other kind of shared accommodation situation? I know it’s hard to find rentals here, but can she just stay in your room until she finds something (looking HARD)? Calgary is a very difficult place to move into right now; if it doesn’t work out with you, she’s going to have a very hard time if she has no plan for her own self-sufficiency in place. And don’t overlook that YOU might be needing a new place, if your roommates kick you out for bringing your girlfriend into the house without their approval.

tvvat, you’re not set up to receive any emails. I’d like to send you some information on an affordable housing group in Calgary if you’d like - my email is featherlouatyahoo.com.

[amarinth]

@tvvat

It’ll be sticking a girl in my room, in a townhouse already containing four guys. She’s insisted on paying half my rent (it’s a college owned townhouse complex). I admit, I’m leery about what they’re going to think. But I’ve got faith in her ability to be discreet.

Not half of yours - a fifth of the house as a whole. She’s going to be 1/5th of the people living there.

I remember people doing this in college, too. You’re right, it happens all the time. I also remember a lot of pissed off roommates.