It’s very common for a person to rally and have one or two really good days and then pass on one or two days later. I don’t know why that is, but I see it all the time. Hang in there. Not much longer now. And you’re right, it sucks when it takes this long, for everyone involved.
It does indeed :(.
That sounds a LOT like my mother near the end. She was home, living indepently, and doing “fine”, we thought, when the doctor called her on a Wednesday and said he wanted her in the hospital. I’m still not entirely sure of the details of that. My oldest brother and I were in town that weekend - a previously planned trip, so we spent quite a lot of time visiting. She was fine through the weekend - planning Christmas on Saturday (this was December) and enjoying visitors, but very tired-sounding Sunday and the nurse told us privately she thought it was likely going to be soon. I actually went home (2.5 hours away) that afternoon but my brother called me and suggested I might want to turn around and come back as she was declining.
Monday she was barely conscious. She was puzzled that I was still there but I told her I’d stayed in town for client meetings (a lie, but I did have clients nearby so at least it was plausible). I think the hardest was when she flat out asked me - by writing, as she couldn’t speak - “am I expected to die”.
And as you’ve noticed with your MIL, the systems were shutting down and there was virtually no output.
While her hospital care was very good, I’m sorry she wasn’t able to pass at home (as my father had). She did slip away on the Wednesday.
The funny part of it all was some time early Monday (I think) when her parish priest visited - and she swiped his rosary. He laughed and let her keep it for the time being (we returned it at the funeral). Then, she 'd said she wanted to be cremated (used to be a no-no for Catholics); the priest said that the Church was fine with that. And she said she was hoping to have some of her ashes scattered at place she loved (still officially a no-no). The priest said “what I don’t know, I can’t react to”. So when the funeral home brought the urn to the church, they quietly slipped me some of the ashes - so Mom spent her own funeral in a pill bottle in my purse. As weird as it sounds, I hope there is something like that that gives you and the rest of the family a moment of happiness / humor in the coming days.
I’m glad all the family is rallying. It’s hardest on her kids but you (and other in-laws?) have it tough as well having to be strong for your spouses.
I wasn’t going to go over there last night after work and running errands, but Ivylad sounded so down. I figured I can’t do anything for her, so I’ll go be there for him.
I know he felt better, knowing I was in the house.
Her breathing is very labored and they had her on oxygen last night. I said my goodbyes by telling her how Outlander continues (I doubt she’ll be able to enjoy the finale tonight) and I told her what happens to the characters in other books. The nurse says she can hear things.
Mum’s also very warm. That’s something else that’s happening…the body isn’t able to regulate its own temperature, so she will get hot and cold.
I have some chores to do around the house and then I’ll be heading back over with Ivyboy. Ivygirl, who’s in the Army in Virginia, knows time is near, but I won’t give her the day by day details. There’s nothing she can do and I don’t want to upset her. She’s waiting for my phone call and the contact from the Red Cross.
I feel so bad for you and yours. What a terrible way to go, inch by inch.
I went over again yesterday, but I won’t be going today, unless something happens. Too much needs to be done at our house.
Mum was able to watch the season finale of Outlander. How much she was able to process I don’t know, but she did mouth the words to the opening theme song and seemed alert for the entire episode.
Gallows humor warning: I guess she’s now a wizard. She’s sleeping with her eyes open, unless IvySIL is misunderstanding what’s happening. She has a couple of what they call Kennedy ulcers, but they’ve been quick to tell me they’re not bed sores, although my Google-fu states they are a type of bed sores. The nurse is aware and says there’s nothing they can do. I suggested putting some sort of bandage over them.
The hospice doctor will be coming on Monday afternoon.
I’m just reading this all now, and you and the whole family are in my thoughts. I’m so sorry for all the pain. 
Nurses are quick to differentiate Kennedy ulcers from other types of pressure ulcers because most types of pressure ulcers suggest sub-optimal care. Those are pressure ulcers that might have been prevented with better nutrition, ambulation, careful turning and repositioning, special air mattresses or mattress overlays, and frequent repositioning in bed. Kennedy ulcers, on the other hand, are part of the dying process and don’t seem to be preventable with current knowledge and techniques. So it looks bad for a nurse to have a “pressure ulcer” or “bedsore” develop on her watch, and in some circumstances even influences insurance/Medicare payment for the episode of care, while Kennedy ulcers are just a thing that happens that there’s really nothing you can do to make it better or to prevent it from happening.
But do ask her to bandage it if it will give you more peace of mind. If it’s a Kennedy ulcer, it won’t make it better for your mil, but it may make things nicer for the rest of you, and that’s important right now.
She died about 8pm last night, at home, in her own bed. IvySIL had dozed off holding her hand, then dreamed she was calling out for her mother. She woke up to find Mum gone.
Mum took care of the kids until the end. After Dad died Mum had pre-paid her funeral expenses, so all we had to do was wait for the funeral transport and say goodbye. The funeral home will call sometime today to set up the service. I’ve called my Army daughter and the Red Cross so she can co-ordinate with her command to come home for the service.
Thanks to everyone who took the time to read off and offer support in this thread. I truly appreciate it.
I’m so sorry for your loss, ivylass and family.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
Sorry for your loss, ivylass.
(((((ivyfamily)))))
Sorry for your loss.
Sorry for your loss. It really is painful watching a loved one slip away bit by bit.
This thread was very hard for me to read, because of the similarities with my own mother’s decline and death by cancer earlier this year. So… I know something of what you’re feeling now.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
I’m sorry for your loss, but glad she is at peace now. Thinking of you all.
ivylass, I’m sorry for your sorrows.
Thanks, everyone. The service will be held on Sunday. It’s a good thing we had the paperwork for the pre-paid funeral…the home said they didn’t have a record. Of course, it was from twelve years ago but you’d think there’d be some sort of computer file.
Also, the woman who does the scheduling for the services was on vacation, but, bless her heart, she called several times so we could set up the service time and date and start calling extended family and friends to let them know.
Ivylad and I went through a lot of family pictures to find ones of Mom so IvySIL can make a collage. That was rough on him. But he crashed for seven hours yesterday afternoon. I know everyone is exhausted, not just from the round the clock care but also the stress of waiting for it to happen.
I’ve been following the thread but missed the announcement yesterday. My condolences.
I missed the announcement yesterday, too. I’m sorry you all have to go through this but for your MIL’s sake I’m relieved it’s over. No doubt you all are, too, among the rest of your tumbled emotions.
It sounds like a lot of us have been through this. My grandmother didn’t have cancer but she lingered, as well.
Hugs.