A 10 year aquaintance will not stop IMing or emailing me, even though I’ve ignored her attempts to contact me for six months. This evening, I’m playing computer spades and the IM’s from her start again. I lied, told her I was my son, and that “mommy was sleeping” just to get her to quit interrupting my game.
Frankly, the only contact we’ve had for all these years is when she calls me for parenting advice because her kids are so out of control she can’t take it anymore. I’ve never initiated contact with her - ever! When I offer my advice - she then tells me what’s wrong with my suggestions. huh? That’s why I decided not to beat my head against the wall and just begin ignoring her attempts at contact to subtly let her know I wasn’t interested.
She wrote a nasty email to me DEMANDING to know why I haven’t answered her IM’s and emails and told me she wouldn’t stop either one until I answered her. She IM’s me all of the time at work. Mr. Adoptamom said I’d been subtle for long enough - to just tell her we were never friends and I didn’t WANT to be friends with her. I just couldn’t be that mean - I wrote back and told her that I’m just so busy with working full time and my family that I didn’t have time for outside friendships.
WRONG IDEA and Mr. Adoptamom was correct - I should have followed his advice and been blunt. She started im’ing me nonstop again until I finally told her to leave me alone - we weren’t friends and to stop IM’ing me and emailing me.
I’ve blocked her screen name from my IM now, but she pops up under different names. She even went so far as to say she may, or MAY NOT stop bothering me.
Is this cyber stalking? This woman lives locally - what options do I have?
That sucks. There’s not much you can do, if she actually wants to spend her time harrassing you. Can you change your IM username and email address? If she makes phone calls, let the answering machine get it and then save the tapes from any messages she leaves.
You’ve asked her not to contact you, and she continues to do so. That is definitely harassment. Whether or not it constitutes stalking depends on the laws in your area. If it was me, I’d send her a certified letter (certified so you can prove she received it) warning her that if she continues her behavior, you will seek legal recourse.
I would add to Amanita’s comments that you need to document everything and save it – any emails, phone calls, threats, etc. Maybe there is a way to save what she IM’s you in mail. The certified letter is good too.
Well I use Trillian as my messaging program… You can incorporate AIM, ICQ, MSN, Yahoo and IRC into it. It logs every conversation you have as well as give the time the conversation starts. I recommend it if you want to go the legal way.
Does your ISP provide for multiple names? If so, you might add a name and use it for most of your surfing, logging on to the original only long enough to collect mail.
In the meantime, I would definitely consider looking into what your local police will do regarding cyber stalking.
If you and she are both using AOL, you can certainly lodge a complaint against her through that service. They may even cancel her subscription. I’m not sure whether they will do the same thing if you are only using the (A)IM software without actually logging on to AOL. On the other hand, whoever provides your IM software will probably have some sort of harrassment policy. Save her IMs (with your requests to be left alone) and forward them to her ISP or IM provider.
Although it would be a hassle, I think you should change your IM name, your e-mail address, home phone number and also mobile number. If she knows where you live also she’s likely to come around, in which case don’t bother changing anything just take the legal route as the others suggested.
Depending on the ISP the pest uses you might be able to get them involved. I had an ex-girlfriend that would not leave me alone. She would send harrassing messages by email, IM, and the guestbook on my website (the guestbook was the worse as she was slandering me on there). I kept copies of everything and when she refused to stop I contacted her ISP. Their TOS said that harrassment by their users would result in the lost of the user’s account. I called them up, told them what was going on, and forwarded all the documentation of the harrassment and it worked. I got ONE email from here after that, which was cc:'ed to the ISP’s admin saying she was sorry and that was it.
Not all ISPs are willing to help but if you’ve tried everything else go for it.
P.S.- Why is the first advice when someone has this problem to get a new email address? If you’ve used the same address for a while why should you have to go through the hassle when the other person is in the wrong? Sometimes you do have to switch addresses but why give up without a fight?
when i got divorced my ex was im’ing me left and right, I had to set up all new im accounts and emails to hide from him. If you do this, be sure not to put any info on the profile that is searchable, like a name or anything that can’t be searched out to be linked to you. Good Luck!
You haven’t been exactly direct with her. Until then, she is NOT stalking you… she is just honestly thinking you still like and would and will talk to her eventually.
Be direct, honest and straight forward with her. If she CONITNUES hitting you up on yoru computer, you can take steps to prevent that.
It boggles my mind why you are TELLING THIS the whole truth but not her. IT doesn’t make you a better friend/acquaintance in the least.
I’d just tell her to bug off, except in harsher terms. No need to go through with the hassle of changing your online stuff. If being rude and intimidating (but not threatening) doesn’t work, then yeah, change your stuff.
From the OP: “She started im’ing me nonstop again until I finally told her to leave me alone - we weren’t friends and to stop IM’ing me and emailing me.”
I missed this on the first reading of the OP, as well.
I don’t see why you just don’t put her on your block lists? You won’t show up on her Buddy List when you’re online, so she won’t even know to IM you. If you block her address from your email you won’t get any more from her. She can complain all she wants but you’ll never know about it. (To get to the block function in AIM go through “my AIM” to “edit options” to “edit preferences” to Privacy. There is a space to add people to your block list. Or next time she IMs you can do it through her window…I think under “user info” you select “block this user.”)
whoops! I missed in the OP that she’s using multiple names on you. I think the next time she IMed me I’d say “I can block as many names as you can come up with!” lol
Thanks for the the great suggestions. For the time being, I’ve temporarily retired my AOL screen name - which is a real bummer because I’ve had the same handle since I first ventured onto the net :::sigh::: I’ve created another, notified family & friends, opted out of a profile and am sending her email directly to my deleted items.
You know, I just HATE being a bitch - and that’s what it’s taken to get through to her. I like to think the best of people … I like to be helpful when I can because I know how much I appreciate it when others help me out … this whole experience has just soured me.
See, this is where someone needs to start a business writing tell-off letters. Then YOU don’t have to be a bitch, WE can be a bitch. Who wants to fund me?