Chef, that is just amazing. You win.
I got this bar joke off the SDMB, but I’ll tell it again.
A duck walks into a bar. He says, “I’ll have a Coke.”
The bartender says, “We don’t serve ducks. Get out.”
The next day, the duck comes back. “I’ll have a Coke, he says.” The bartender fumes, “If you don’t get out right now, I’ll, I’ll, I’ll nail your feet to the bar!” The duck leaves.
The next day the duck comes in. “You have a hammer?”
“Uhhhh, no.”
“Well, then, I’ll have a Coke.”
I knew that. Really! I’ve posted the same joke in other threads! (In my defence, I had a really rotten night.)
This midget walks under a bar…
runs very fast
A guy walks into a bar and promptly orders six shots of tequila.
After he throws back three of them, the bartender comes over and jokingly says,
“Hey buddy, watcha celebratin’ there?”
The bleary eyed guy looks up.
“My first blow job”
“Woah ho!” Says the bartender. “If that’s the case, let me by ya another…on the house.”
The guy holds up his hand…
“No thanks mister. If six doesn’t get the taste out of my mouth…nothing will.”
thank you…I am here all ze week.
jarbaby
A guy walks into a bar…
…and sees a group outside the back door with a horse. He goes out, and asks what’s up.
“We’re trying to make the horse laugh. We each put up $20 and whoever makes him laugh wins.”
“Can I get in?” “Sure.”
Guy whispers in the horse's ear, and the horse starts laughing. Guy takes the pot, and everyone goes into the bar.
A half hour later, the horse is still laughing. They ask the guy to have him stop. He asks to go out alone, and closes the door behind him. Then they hear the horse cry.
“What did you do to the horse?”
"Well, I made him laugh by saying I had a bigger dick than him."
"How did you make him cry?"
"I proved it."…and orders a beer.
Barman thinks, “Hey, a gorilla? Can’t be too bright”, and charges him ten dollars for the beer. It’s a quiet day, so the barman decides to make small talk with the gorilla.
“Y’know, we don’t get many gorillas in here”, he says. The gorilla replies, “At ten bucks a beer mate, I’m not bloody surprised.”
A lunatic walks into a bar…
…orders a beer, and tries to pay using Coke bottle caps as currency. Barman rings up the head of the local asylum and tells him what’s going on. The guy at the asylum says, "Don’t worry mate, that guy isn’t too bad. He’s allowed to go out on his own in the daytime. Just let him pay with coke bottle tops, and I’ll come over this afternoon and fix up the bill.
So the asylum patient stays there for a few hours, drinking and having fun. Finally, in the afternoon, he gets up, thanks the barman, and leaves. True to his word, the asylum head came into the bar a few minutes later, and said to the barman, “How many coke bottle tops did he give you?”.
“Fifty-seven”, said the barman.
“No problem. Can you change a trashcan lid? Sorry I don’t have anything smaller.”
Oh my God–I’ve heard this punchline a thousand times; I never knew there was a joke that went with it.