I think you’re right, although I don’t know if I’d take it as far as you have. It’s quite possible that he’s just enjoying the fact that a young woman has a crush on him.
BTW, Alittlesmitten, however much he likes you, he almost certainly knows that you like him. He can probably tell just by the way you look at him.
Another cautionary note: the fact that you’ve never dated makes you more vulnerable. You haven’t yet learned the signs that a guy is using you. While it’s true that a guy at any age can be a user, it’s more likely when he’s so much older than you. Be careful.
Flings are great if they are considered mutually as a fling. They aren’t so great if one is thinking “fling” and the other is thinking “relationship”. As mentioned above, she is younger and has no dating experience at all. The likelihood of feeling used is high.
You are right- he might not be in it for sex at all, just an ego boost. I suppose that instead of fling, I should have said “meaningless fun” on his end. I honestly can’t picture any guy my age taking serious the idea of dating a 19 year old.
Your chances of hooking up are probably going to be related to how good looking he thinks you are and how complicated he thinks a relationship with you would be. A 42 year old single man might well be open to a fling with a willing and eager 19 year old.
Having said this a smitten 19 year old young woman with a huge crush is not likely to be the kind of relationship a 42 YO man with any common sense wants to get into long term if you are in he same town. There is (in his mind) no way he’s going to be able to have sex with you and walk away into the sunset afterwards without you causing a gigantic scene. As to the likelihood he’s going to want to engage in a long term relationship with you, given the age difference the chances of this are probably effectively zero.
You need to decide what it is you want out of this relationship before you make any move. If it involves his making a long term commitment to you would be better off not pursuing it.
I think you need a normal relationship with a guy your age so you could approach this sort of ordeal with a more mature mindset.
You are infatuated with a (much-older) guy who you barely know and I strongly think he is married and would only be interested in a brief sexual fling with you.
I like your grammar skills and questioning attitude for a 19 year old. The age difference would bother me, but it’s not unprecedented. Just imagine you at 50 and him being 73 though. It starts to get real in a Hugh Hefner way at this point.
I, like some of the other posters, worry that your youth and inexperience would make it easy for a man that age to take advantage of you. Take your time, and since he’s older and more experienced, let him make the moves. The first thing is to find out if he’s married. Ask him what he got his kids for Christmas. If you see him again.
I’d like to thank you, Alittlesmitten, for a first post involving a relationship question that is written in coherent English. It makes you noteworthy poster already.
Several people have opined that the man is married.
I’m curious to know what specific factual points reported by the OP make you believe he’s married. So far as I recall, we know he’s 42, wears suits on Mondays, has a deep voice and irresistible hair.
Which of those makes you think he’s married?
(I obviously exclude from this question posters who merely offer the possibility that he’s married, or advise the OP to discover IF he’s married; this is prudent.)
I see you guys’ concern and I completely understand and appreciate it. And all the advice, too. I don’t actually see this materializing but I just can’t turn it off, ya know. But if it eases your minds in the least bit you can rest assured that I’m in no way gullible. I have a very skeptical mind and I always tell people (while fully believing it) that relationships are - or were - the last things on my mind. I don’t quite trust people and don’t like the ripples they cause in the figurative ocean that is life. And I certainly have no hope for me and this man but I sure do like him.
And thanks for the compliments on my grammar. I also text like this, believe it or not. Don’t know why. But I’m ecstatic that it pleases y’all.
If he is that kind of person would that be possible to avoid assuming I’d be unaware that he’s using me? I’d hate to think I’d be blind but I know it can happen to anyone…
Man, I kinda hate everybody my age. I hardly see them as dating material. I don’t know what it is but I just feel like I don’t have time for them. Like they’d either want a strong emotional relationship or no kind of relationship at all. What about the inbetween, though? I couldn’t be on either side of the spectrum. People around here get all clingy and mushy or there’s like nothing. There’s no balance with these guys (I had to keep from saying “kids” because I’m in the same age group as them and almost forgot).
There’s a difference between a guy just having a favorite waitress/cashier at a place he frequents, being interested in a casual fling with a girl who works at a place he frequents, and having a serious relationship with a girl who works at a place he frequents.
And considering the age and racial differences, perhaps he feels that in his social/work circles there’s a special cachet in dating a young black woman. Or maybe it’s Jungle Fever. But I’ll admit that’s a worst case scenario.
I think that by what you’ve said about him, you’ve got to really accept that you’ve got a crush on this fellow and due to this crush, your judgement is not working properly. Be careful.
FTR: There is nothing wrong with a “fling”, if you just want to have a brief encounter with the dude and be done with it, no need to feel guilty about that. (I’m saying this because I’m not completely comfortable with the way “using you” is being thrown around in this thread.)
I had a fling with an older lady at your age, can’t say I regret it either. With out going into detail, she “taught” me some things that I felt were beneficial with later partners. I’m sure that all sounds like a cliche movie, but there you have it.
This actually opened my eyes quite a bit. I remember how, at that age, I wasn’t interested in a relationship, unless it was really “worth it.” I think that casual middle-ground that you seek is exactly the sort of thing you could get with an older man.
I also think the the way you wrote of him indicates you want more than the “inbetween” with him. If you just wanted a casual relationship you wouldn’t be on here sounding so love-struck.
Your head is on straight. If you want the chance to spend time with him alone and see how it goes, ask him if he’s interested. But try to avoid falling in love with your imagination of him. He’s just a human being, like the rest of us.
Absolutely. Plus, look at the OP’s username. That says it all.
Upthread I agreed with someone who mentioned the marriage angle. I agreed with that because, in my own experience, most men in the customer’s age range were already married back when I was the OP’s age. If they weren’t married there was something definitely “off” with them to make them want to be with somebody my age.
I felt the same way about males in my age bracket back when I was the OP’s age. I was friends with many and was the “Agony Auntie” sort with them, which was sometimes dicey because I was also friends with some of their girlfriends. But date any of them? No way.
You’ve never dated or been in a relationship, how could you not be blind? We all are, to some degree, when we are infatuated with someone. As I stated, I can’t imagine a normal guy his age wanting a relationship with someone your age. I’m 44 and date men his age. Dating is difficult in that men his age are typically married (off the market to me), or divorced and dealing with that mess. Think: he might have children your age. Sure, maybe he’s single. It’s just not likely.
If a fling is all you are looking for, then have your fun. Your words and the fact you posted this make me feel you are not just wanting a fling.
