This is what happens when you don't know how to use a hyphen.

Current Scenario: Am teaching a poetry workshop. 1 student (out of 20) has some misplaced hostility toward me. Just received a poem from said student (for peer workshop!) that seems clearly to be addressed to me. It is angry, profane, and really quite funny in its complete lack of aesthetic appeal. The worst insult Student can seem to come up with is that I have a “gay ass personality.”

How are your ass personalities feeling today?
Mine was feeling kind of sad and maybe a little flabby, but now it’s just confused.

Oh man. I would love to see the whole thing. Couldn’t you quote just a little more?

I’d love to, but I’m not sure if I’d be breaking confidentiality rules (especially since there’s a 1% chance that this is about someone other than me).
On the other hand, Student did send this poem out into her own little public forum. Student is such a charmer.

I’m told they’re my best features.

Currently, my ass personality is shouting “help! Help! I’m being oppressed! Witness the violence inherent in the system!”

Butt then, it’s always quoting Monty Python.

I’m quite fond of doing this as well.

A: X has one sweet ass car!
Me: X has an ass-car?

B: That’s a big ass bowl of cereal!
Me: Why are you eating out of an ass-bowl?

I’m sure “penis ensues” fits in this conversation someplace, but I’m not sure where…

My ass personality is really hurting (calcified tendonitis in both hips that’s flaring up. Um, only in one hip at the moment, though. Which is still painful and annoying, but not as painful and annoying as in both hips at the same time. But I digress…)

You must be cosmically related to one of my good friends, who uses those exact examples in her mockery of the adjectival use of “X ass”.

Ouch, featherlou. :frowning: Be comforted: at least your ass personality (unlike mine, apparently) doesn’t lead you to “say the stupidest shit ever!”

Obligatory xkcd link.


Apologies; I was unclear. When I mentioned a public forum, I meant my class.

However, to paraphrase without quoting extensively:
The title has zipped-mouth emoticons in it;
Student says my accomplishments are a byproduct of eating (“pure digested food”);
Student wishes I would be shot, fall into a hole, decompose, and become deceased (in that order);
and I should kill myself for the good of the human race.
Oh, and nobody likes me.

I’m sensing transference, given that she’s hated me from the first day of class, I honestly haven’t done anything to her, and she refuses to drop the class. sigh

::tears:: ::can’t breathe:: ::OMG, laughing so hard::

Well, now you’ll just have to go eat worms.

Oh wait!

How prescient!

Hmm… I’d ask you to post it, but I’m guessing that your paraphrase is much more amusing than the actual poem, which most likely is just sad (and probably typo-ridden). Am I right?

If not, please! Post it! It sounds like an awesome ass-poem!

The OP did specify ‘gay ass’, so I wouldn’t be at all suprised if some penis ensued.

Thanks for reminding me of one of the funnest songs which my mom used to sing to us kids.

Oh, and I forgot to mention that my ass personality is cheeky.
Thank you! I’ll be here all night!

My ass has a split personality.

My ass is a little puritus.

Beat me to it.


My ass personality is truly legendary.