Wow. I relate one story and find myself in position to become the spokesman for “Those Who Chose to Remain Childless”.
It is nice to know that others feel the same way. The former co-worker, who moved back to Tennesee was nothing compared to my parents. My brother and sister are both older than I am and are done in the reproductive arena. My parents keep telling me that I’m their only hope for more grandkids. I keep telling them that it’s going to be a long wait.
Holy crap, pukalani. You scare me.
Hey, ADAM YAX: Thanks for sharing my thoughts on Ms. Imbecile-Coworker-Brood-Ox…(at last, so mercifully, gone off to the Breeder-Farm.)
Yep, lots of us have gagged our way thru encounters with OXEN of her like.
Also, we (yes, “WE”…we, here at this keyboard, are humans with mammies n daddies!) have endured encounters with parents, the likes of yours. Oh, for CERTAIN, your mammy and pappy “mean well” when they run their “WANTED: Grandchildren” Advertisements to you. But, are you of an age, yet, that you SEE what that Mom.n.Pop process is?
Do you KNOW precisely how blatantly SELFISH are the thoughts behind those words, from your truly good and loving PARENTS?
It will prove fortunate for you if you can find the strength to NOT become angry with them when you learn how TRULY SElFISH they are when LAYING SUCH A GUILT-TRIP ON YOU…about THEIR wanting MORE grandchildren! Hey, as the saying goes: Mom Dad, DEARS … How about “COUNTING YOUR CHICKENS”…NOW.
Ma/Pa: You, Dear Things, already HAVE grandchildren. So, Please, Relax…and stop…right now…trying to make baby-YAX feel guilty about its own life-decisions. Even if these strong decisions do not fit in with YOUR “eternal plans”. OK, mom and dad?
Thanks, progenitor-dears.
AdamYax, dear person, face this: Your parents are humans who have sets of values, and they are trying to MANIPULATE you into BEING what THEY want YOU to BE. See their (NOT evil, 'tho dangerous) GAME? -->Be a “Good Son”, do not construct your OWN life patterns, do ALL that we say; especially, feel guilty about being “childless” – Now, go make some (more!!) grandchildren…FOR… (who?)…US!
P.S. (Now) we love you.
Then, quite [possibly/probably] learn one day, just down the calendar, that you are sorry that you BOUGHT INTO the life that was dictated to you by other people.
I wish you love. And, more, STRENGTH to resist MANIPULATION by those whom YOU LOVE.
And, Jeeeeze!, NECROS…Whatcha “ascared” of? How could I possible “scare” you…?
If you would only meditate on things a bit more deeply:
STARK TERROR should swell in your breast at the sight of Malls and Malls-ful of throngs of size 58XXX Ladies’ sweatshirts with the imprinted word BABY on the stretched-tight front and a huge fuchsia arrow pointing to
the BALLOONED abdomen beneath. Now THERE’s FUTURE SOCIAL TERROR, if it ever existed!
[ [ [As Caesar said: “AMO, AMAS, AMAT…But let us NOT make babies!”] ] ]
Love, Pukalani.
Pizzle: Go away. Now would be nice.
Shirley: You are a mother among millions. You may be sleep-starved but your heart and brain are still working.
I do not have children. This is by equal parts choice and chance; due to a fluke medical quirk when I was young, the odds of bearing a healthy child plummeted. So maybe it’s a combination of luck/choice/reactions. Whatever.
I do not in any way regret not having children. Make no mistake, I like kids, and enjoy them in limited contexts. Mine is not a childless life, by profession and choice. I enjoy the blest kids with good parents, and find sneaky joy in reaching the too-many kids whose parents whose understanding only reached as far as sex. The realities of actual children somehow escaped them. BTW, they love their kids, but are clueless about being adult parents for them.
So I don’t live in a childless world…but I rejoice in the peace and serenity of my home. Being a parent is a 24/7 proposition. Since I haven’t undergone the sea change, heart-punch, genomic soul quake, the lines are different.
Not bearing children of your own body doesn’t mean sterility of any kind. Just being a strong, kind adult can make a big difference. No, it can’t make up for sub-par parents. But there is a middle ground.
Never explain. No one, no one has the right to query. You don’t owe defenses–though Shirley’s list is soooo tempting. I glory in my serene homelife, because it’s damned hard earned. It isn’t “second best”, lacking in any way.
This thread hits on one of my “hot buttons”: children are not theories. They are real, tremendously demanding and rewarding people. No one can else can determine your role.
Childless, happy and fulfilled,
Veb
Well said, Uke !
I think the big reason that a lot of people are opposed to having children is the fact that it’s the only thing in life that you can’t undo, not nohow, not ever ! You can divorce your spouse and undo your marriage, you can sell your house and undo being a homeowner, and you can dump your boy/girl friend but once you’re a parent you’re a parent for life and even after you’re dead and gone you’re still someone’s “dead parent”. I’ve got three, all fathered after I was 30 and damned proud of each and every one.
Pukalani,
You have NO IDEA how ANNOYING(!!)it is to read [well-intentioned] posts that — HIT the EYE with so much ** Graphic Flotsam ** that they are (quite literally, my dear) IMPOSSIBLE to READ!
There really is no need to artificially create all this emphasis. Most Dopers are smart enough to understand a well-thought-out and clearly written post. Your message is actually obscured by all the extraneous caps and other do-hickeys.