The OP that triggered all this was a social gathering of friends. At least some of them knew already. And it wasn’t even what I would consider gossip - it was mentioned in passing.
I assume at least some of you understand what it is like to have friends IRL. You can talk about the details of each other’s lives - you don’t have to walk on eggshells, and if people are eager to take offense, especially on behalf of someone else, it is not the end of the world. Perhaps I’m wrong about that.
Ok, consider you are with a social gathering of friends. Some of whom don’t know that Joe lost a testicle to cancer. Do you think it is YOUR place to tell the rest of them that information?
You actually made the claim about not knowing any transsexuals in real life, not that you knew you didn’t have any among your friends.
That aside, the same question applies. How would you know? If they had secrets they didn’t tell you, you wouldn’t know they were doing that. Unknown unknowns, and all that.
THE details, not ALL details. Numerous examples about personal medical information or somewhat-known-but-embarrassing information have been provided in this and the other thread.
For people who don’t have any terror of being fired or abused or beaten up for being cisgender, and who believe their experience is that of the world, and aren’t capable of showing any compassion or tolerance towards others…I guess.
If I was in a social gathering of friends and someone else was mentioned who had cancer, am I allowed to say “I was sorry to hear she had cancer. How is she doing?” or no good?
Very specifically the example of a high school reunion, where everyone there knew the person pre-transition, are you meant to not share old photos, etc., memories, etc. featuring that person? If the old name is “dead” and would hurt them if they see it, do old trophies, pix, etc., have to be removed?
You CAN say that. Or, if you really cared how she was doing, you would ask HER directly how she was doing. Something like “Oh, I didn’t hear that. I’m going to go ask her how she is doing. I’ll be sure to tell her you told me she had cancer if she asks how I know”
That way, the gossiper doesn’t get the satisfaction of continuing to gossip, AND you get to make them feel stupid for gossiping in the first place.
How would you not know that a loved one had cancer? Also, I wasn’t aware we were talking about “loved ones” but instead various non-related, non-loved social acquaintances.
No, I don’t consider talking to my Mom about my Dad to be gossip. Come on.
Thing is, as is true for a lot of these discussions, for people on one side like Darren it’s just a abstract academic discussion about a topic, like whether Alexander the Great or Genghis Khan was the greater general. Absolutely zero stakes.
