This type of "female think" is bull shit. Right?

In My Humble Opinion
1

To be clear: I am NOT an MRA type. And I think MRA type stuff is stupid. But anyway…
This article here, really stuck in my craw.

The article is titled: “How to Love a Woman Who has Been to Hell and Back.” The opening line to which is: “Many have tried. Most have failed.”
My take away from the article is: “Because I have been in past relationships that were fucked up, YOU, my current BF, are going to have to deal with the fact that I’m going to be a bitch to you for no reason at all. And when I do, if you don’t respond with anything less than “I’m sorrys” hugs and kisses. And if you don’t just lay there like a doormat while I’m emotionally abusive to you. Well, you’re an ass, and YOU’RE the reason why this relationship has failed.”

Am I missing something here?

2

Eh, despite the appearance that it’s directed at men, the target audience is really women. The point is to let women who “have been to hell” know they can still find love, shouldn’t give up, and realize that they will face challenges along the way. Don’t read it as an instruction manual for men.

“Don’t ever make her feel powerless, trapped or without her freedom.” – you are not powerless, don’t let yourself feel trapped.

“She needs to dance barefoot under enormous blue skies…” – you need to do this.

She will seek to sabotage the relationship; she will seek to destroy it, she will seek to leave first, she will seek to hurt you before you can hurt her." – Recognize you will feel this way at times, so try not to do it.

Etc.

3

I’d just take it as general. Everything it says about women is also true about men. Also gays and straights alike.

Don’t ever make anyone feel trapped or powerless. Anyone who has been through a nasty relationship and ugly breakup will do better if treated gently.

It’s like the notion that women want to have a bubble bath, put on a soft robe, eat chocolates, and read sentimental fiction. That’s a good way to spend a couple of hours for all of us, men and women alike.

Categorizing people is bad. (I notice people from Arizona do that a lot…) ( :wink: )

4

…

5

Read badly it says just what the OP says it does. Read charitably it reads as Troutman said.

I don’t know anything about that site’s audience. I do think that a woman who’s convinced herself that she’s fine and everybody else is screwed up will read that as a manifesto excusing all her dysfunction. Which can’t be good.

There’s certainly no message there that people should move beyond their scars and be the best person they can be. The message is rather that scarred people should get a pass to be as useless and problematic as they choose to be.
In all, this is not smart. The people who eat it up are not people I’d choose to associate with. Regardless of gender.

6

MRA? :confused:

Mostly Ruined Architecture? Messy Rectal Action? Much Ridiculed Advice?

7

Magnetic Resonance Angiogram.

Medical Reimbursement Account.

Men’s Rights Activist.

Take your pick. Although I liked yours better.

8

Men’s Rights Activist. And, unfortunately, not in a “men have problems, too, so let’s work together” type of way.

In short, they tend to think poorly of women. There’s a lot of crossover with the PUA (Pick Up Artist) community, which is about tricking women into dating you.

9

You sure seem to know a lot about MRAs and PUAs. Is there a forum I might be able to read to find out more?

10

Whoa! Is it implied there is another way?

11

I recall several years ago reading online about some people whose attitude was,* “Because my previous partner treated me poorly, you (my current partner,) therefore are obligated to ‘make it up’ to me for the harm they did me. Pamper me.”
*

Okaaay…

12

I would first make certain that you are not assuming ALL WOMEN think this way. Then I would make certain that you are not assuming ALL WOMEN WHO HAVE BEEN IN BAD RELATIONSHIPS think this way. It is, after all, just one writer’s take. Nothing more. So, narrowing it down to one writer’s take, I would say that this writer is an ass.

13

No of course not.
That said though, my GF texted me this link several months ago (which I didn’t like), and then my younger sister posted this link to her Facebook yesterday. So no, not all women think this way, but there does seem to be a significant amount of women who do.

At l east in my world anyway. YMMV.

14

Here’s 5 Uncomfortable Truths Behind the Men's Rights Movement | Cracked.com an article about them. Short form: cesspool, stay away from them.

15

First of all, may I point out that the article linked to in the OP is hilariously terrible? Why is no one commenting on this?

Actual quotes:

[QUOTE=Kathy Parker, Author Of Hilariously Terrible Column]

When she is the gentle rain that falls in time to her silent tears, love her.

When she is the thunder and lightning and ferocious winds that wreak havoc, love her harder.
[/QUOTE]

Bwaa ha ha ha ha. Hallmark would reject this shit. The company that makes the off brand greeting cards they sell at dollar stores would reject this shit.

[QUOTE=Kathy Parker, Hallmark Reject]

When she is the light, love her.

When she is the darkness, love her harder.
[/QUOTE]

Has Kathy Parker ever been in a real relationship or is she a 15-year-old writing this new poem on the page opposite her last opus, “My Parents Don’t Understand Me Because I’m Too Deep,” in her Trapper Keeper?

This literary disaster is just a variation of the meme “If you can’t take me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best.” It’s a common movie theme, too; a romance where one person is a complete nincompoop to the other but the other person just puts up with it and is a hero for taking all the shit to ensure the movie ends happily 110 minutes later.

To echo what has already been said, men do this, too, though the memes and words are usually different.

And yes, it’s bullshit. I’m sorry, but a person does not get a lifetime pass for being a shithead. No one is perfect, and people will sometimes pull dick moves, but there is a gulf of space between “is insensitive from time to time but not very often, apologizes, and we all move on” to “is complete fuckstick on a weekly basis but you should just accept it because they’ve been to hell and back.”

Maybe your last boyfriend/girlfriend was a shit. Oh well. **No one else in the world in obliged to put up with second-degree-of-separation shit. ** If you are a jerk to your boyfriend or girlfriend they are perfectly, one hundred percent justified in saying “You know what? I don’t deserve to be subjected to this shit. I think I’ll get the hell away from this dumpster fire and find someone who’s nice to me.”

Do all women think this way? No, nor do all men, and I’m not convinced Facebook shares mean a great deal; people click “share” on a lot of crap without really thinking about it. But some people really, genuinely do have the entitled attitude that you should put up with their stupid shit because by Christ they deserve it because (tough thing that happened in 2005.) And anyone with one of those people should look in the mirror and say “Am I happier for being with this person? If not, is there any chance that’s gonna change?” If those questions elicit two “no” answers, it’s time to pack your things.

16

If there’s one piece of relationship advice I hope to impart on my children, it’s that the world is actually filled with undamaged people and they have no obligation, and in fact are probably wasting their time & energy, to try and “repair” someone into a healthy relationship.

17

RickJay wins the thread. Game over.

ETA: With an honorable mention for **Jophiel **who snuck in while I was typing.

18

Excellent post RickJay.

19

Thank you RickJay for putting what I was thinking in prose, and more effectively. Now get outta my head!:slight_smile:

20

Nope, in that type of relationship one should never clip her wings.

There’s a much better course of action.