Hey.
When I post sarcastic, pithy commentary of my own design, love me.
When I take the lazy way out, love me harder.
And can even make things worse by removing any incentive or motivation to moderate the lashing out.
I started on RickJay’s challenge, optimistic that Dirty Harry had a tagline rejoinder for each nonsense line.
Bottom line: She didn’t make my day. Knowing my limitations I turned and ran for the hills. 
Trapperkeeper…nice.
Honestly, I couldn’t read that piece of whatever it was. Anyone else have myspace flashbacks?
FIX YOURSELF. Get professional help. Read a book by a reputable person in the field. Meditate. See your spiritual advisor. But YOU do the work to do the fixing. Not some new love interest. Unless you like failing over and over again and boring your friends witless with your inability to understand that making the same mistakes results in the same failures.
It’s more readable by adding “in bed” in choice spots. For example:
“When she is the gentle rain that falls in time to her silent tears, love her. In bed.”
“When she is the thunder and lightning and ferocious winds that wreak havoc, love her harder. In bed.”
There’s got to be a drinking game here.
Recently, there seems to be a surge of “damaged women behaving badly” romcom films and TV shows. Bridesmaids, Bad Teacher, HBO’s Girls, Trainwreck, Sisters, Sleeping With Other People, Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates, Neighbors 2, How To Be Single to cite a few examples. Not to mention the stand up routines of Chelsea Handler, Sarah Silverman, Whitney Cummings, Amy Schumer and others and many of the reality show on Bravo. The common theme seems to be women who are almost dangerously promiscuous, suffering from drug and alcohol addiction are often perpetually unemployed and may have strained family relationships (if family is in the picture at all).
I’m not really sure if I understand this sort of “feminism”. Is it to prove that women can be as big of losers as the most loserish men?
Movies aren’t “real”, but their stories and themes should ring true on some level.
Yes, There’s no such thing as superheroes, talking toys or a Galactic Empire. But Iron Man, Toy Story and Star Wars are great films because they have themes revolving around friendship, family, relationships, overcoming adversity and one’s own character flaws that resonate with people.
The problem is that people aren’t houses or classic cars. You typically can’t “fix them up”. At least not without professional assistance.
And I’m not sure why you’d want to. Life’s too short and there are too many other fish in the sea for me to spend my time trying to fix broken people.
[QUOTE=LSLGuy]
I started on RickJay’s challenge, optimistic that Dirty Harry had a tagline rejoinder for each nonsense line.
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Hmm…
[QUOTE=Dirty Harry Callahan]
Uh huh… I know what you’re thinking. “Is this her sixth total gorilla-shit meltdown over the fact you were home ten minutes later than 5, or just her fifth? " Well to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I kinda lost track myself. But being this is a woman who’s been to hell and back, the most powerful force of pointless-yet-affirmed-by-Facebook-friend-likes insanity in the world, and she’ll bite your head clean off, you’ve gotta ask yourself one question: “Do I feel lucky?” Well, do ya, punk?”
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It’s just shocking, that’s all. Shock value is an ingredient that can be used to make comedy, and in entertainment, when one thing sells, they rush to make more of it. One female comic acts like a drunken slut and gets laughs, you’ll get a thousand more. I know female comics who do the same shit Amy Schumer does, many of them funnier. They aren’t really like that, but it’s popular and gets laughs.
And so it is with Broken Person Is Unconditionally Loved stuff. It’s a form of romantic fantasy; someone will love me without me having to earn it. It’s the sex version of fantasizing about winning the lottery.
I mean, that’s just one element of a good movie - to stay in Bridget Jones’s Diary as my working example, the film also has a coherent plot, well acted supporting roles, good jokes, and does humanize its main character; she is a classic protagonist who has many characteristics the audience can empathize with; doesn’t like her job, doesn’t like being alone, worried about her appearance, parents are kinda fucked up. You can’t just offer up the sizzle of romantic fantasy and make a good work of fiction; for it to be geniunly good, you need the steak of good characters and plot.
Amen.
I gots to know.
I was gonna say, I recently nailed down my mother’s fundamental problem: she refuses to believe that people truly love her. She just can’t do it. She is always looking for reasons you don’t care…signs of betrayal, disrespect, or apathy. And her paranoia drives people right out of her life. She has Borderline Personality Disorder and that is exactly the dynamic that prompted me to end things. It’s really freaking sad because I love her so much and she could never really see it. And yeah, eventually you get tired of being dumped on and move along. What else can we do?
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If I guy wrote “I am going to be a bastard boyfriend to you, make your life miserable and I expect to be coddled and loved regardless”, what would people’s reaction be? Probably call social services.
This is exactly the same; lady described in the article is crazy, don’t look for too deep meaning into her writings.
“When he is the life of the party and the teller of great jokes, love him.”
“When he flies into a drunken rage and shouts at you at the top of his lungs, love him harder.”
“When he brings you breakfast in bed and sends roses on your birthday, love him.”
“When he gives you a black eye and smashes household objects, love him harder.”
I might consider dating her. Let’s see exactly what I will have to put up with…
OK. I feel that way, too, sometimes. No big deal.
Fine by me. I need a weekend by myself now and then, too.
Right. So she’s an insomniac. More her problem than mine, though. And I enjoy staying up late at night, too. We can work something out here.
Yup, me too. Sounds normal enough.
Also reasonably normal human behavior.
Well, more of an issue. I don’t always pay attention around doorways. She’ll end up getting her foot smashed. After having that happen a couple of times, though, she’ll probably learn to keep it inside the room.
Yes, I’m joking, a bit. But seriously, how nutty is this person really, when you think about it? Isn’t this mostly just perfectly normal, perhaps mildly neurotic, average person stuff, only wrapped up in hilariously overblown prose? I mean, everyone wants to be a special BADLY DAMAGED snowflake. I know I do. But to some extent, we’re all special BADLY DAMAGED snowflakes, aren’t we? In practice, we still mostly go to work, have the occasional fight with our spouses (followed by make up sex), watch television, and walk the dog. Heck, maybe this person is your current wife/girlfriend, and you don’t even know it. When I think about it, take away all the awful writing and the hyperbole, and she sounds like some of my previous girlfriends. And we got along well enough, for the most part.
And what does “to hell and back” mean? It sounds serious, but I see no evidence in the article that she’s a victim of multiple rapes or child abuse. Maybe she’s had a few bad breakups. But who hasn’t?
So… if your girlfriend behaves like a regular person, love her anyway? Sure, Kathy Parker, I’m in. I wasn’t particularly planning on *not *doing that.
“Special damaged snowflake” syndrome is absolutely it. It’s the same reason every third person in the world seems to be producing twee graphics about how to deal with your introvert friend. Also, gluten allergies have got to fit in here somewhere.
Yeah, it’s bullshit, and as RickJay noted, it’s badly written, mawkishly sentimental bullshit that would make Hallmark writers gag.
I am going to write a column about being a vegan, leggings-wearing special damaged introvert snowflake with gluten intolerance. It’ll make MILLIONS!!!
I shall share the proceeds with Johnny Bravo, as he gave me the idea.
Don’t forget the emotional support shit zu without which she cannot leave home.
Sweet Jesus that was tedius!
It felt like being bludgeoned with a potpourri toilet freshener.
As a piece of poetry, it is annoyingly repetitive and laughably cloying.
As a piece of advice, it is terrible.
Don’t think it’s fair to characterize it as “female think” though.
Considering the seriousness of the topic - that being the difficulty of nurturing a relationship when one partner is carrying a heavy emotional or psychological burden - this article was dreadfully inaccessible. I mean, There’s probably some important truths hidden in there, but they’re hopelessly concealed by layers and layers of the most ghastly, condescending poetry.
The best I can think of it is that maybe the author wrote it from personal experience as a damaged lover, intending it as a self-empowering work of introspection. Or maybe as the partner of a damaged woman, trying to reaffirm her commitment?
Worst part:
“When she wants to hurt you, love her harder.”
(When she maces you in the face, give her chocolates?)
Most laughable part:
“She needs to dance barefoot under enormous blue skies, to feel the sand between her toes, to run with wolves as the wind weaves magic through her hair”
(What a rare and mysterious child of nature!)
I’m glad you posted. As I gagged on the article I worried whether I was maybe being insensitive. Then as I read through the thread, I found myself thinking “I wonder what Spice Weasel’s take on this would be.” Thank you. You’ve put my mind at ease. I think any advice you could give would be of vastly greater worth than the linked article.
This post deserves a prize!
Brilliant opening, and wise words following.
But then, dang! Helena done gone stole the thread!!
Props also to **Martian Bigfoot **for a good laugh.
You know, I don’t even think that this person is going to be a bitch. Seems to me like she just has herself some EMOTIONS (thunderclap, lightning).
Or, rather, she thinks she does. What she actually has is emotions. Regular-sized ones.
“…she is the gentle rain that falls in time to her silent tears…”
Translation: Sometimes she’s sad.
“…she is the thunder and lightning and ferocious winds that wreak havoc…”
Sometimes she’s a bit angry.
“…as terrified as a small child alone in the big world…”
Sometimes she’s a bit scared.
“…sometimes she won’t hurt and the light will shine from her eyes and her laughter will be a rare and precious melody…”
Sometimes she’s happy.
“…she will ache, she will feel pain and anguish…”
Now she’s a bit sad again.
“…she needs to dance barefoot under enormous blue skies, to feel sand between her toes, to run with wolves as the wind weaves magic through her hair…”
Sometimes she enjoys going to the beach. And then for a walk in the woods.
And as for this, about loving her:
No, they haven’t. Here’s what happened: She and her dates went through their teens and twenties. People in those age groups break up a lot, for no particular reason. See, it says here:
Now and then, her boyfriends dumped her. But for the most part, she dumped them. *That *is what happened. Which is exactly the same thing that happens to absolutely everyone else.
But now we’re past thirty, see? So it’s easier.
Well, or, you know, just a regular, grown-up one. I’m game. I can do this! So, sure, I’ll go on a date with her, and see it how works out. As long as I don’t have to read her damned blog.
I should add: Sure, maybe loving the actual Kathy Parker, in particular, does require some extra special Man Skillz. Maybe she does have some actual trauma. I don’t know, although it’s perhaps interesting that I can’t possibly tell from the article under discussion.
But I won’t be dating her, I’ll be dating the people who share this crap on Facebook, and who think this is about them. And *they *are simply Special Snowflakes, just like I am.
Somewhere, somehow, somebody must have kicked you around some
Tell me why you want to lay there, revel in your abandon
Honey, it don’t make no difference to me baby
Everybody has to fight to be free
- Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers