So today a friend of mine had the unveiling scheduled for his mom. [The unveiling is a Jewish practice that takes place a year after a person dies. It is the “unveiling” of the headstone–although there may or may not be an actual unveiling of a headstone, as for example, in a military cemetery they put it up whenever they put it up. It’s a ceremony and blessing that takes place at the cemetery, usually just with family and close friends. It marks the official end of the year of mourning.]
This morning, the family and a few friends (ALL from out of town, some as far away as a five-hour drive) arrived at the cemetery in a large American city. It’s a very old cemetery with no cover, and it was raining. The unveiling was scheduled for 9:30 am. The family and friends were waiting in their cars (because it was raining) for the arrival of the rabbi from the synagogue where Mom was a member for most of her 90+ years. They wait and they wait. Finally, my friend’s brother gets a phone call from the rabbi.
The rabbi said he didn’t want to get out in the rain so he’s going to give the brother the blessing over the phone and asks him to “pass it on” to everyone there. Huh?
Our jaws DROPPED. If I didn’t know better, I’d think this was a Saturday Night Live sketch. In fact, Tina Fey, if you’re reading, feel free to use this on SNL.
WTF?
Why didn’t he call an hour or more before the ceremony? It had been raining from the night before. Why didn’t he find a substitute? Why didn’t he get an umbrella and raincoat and SHOW UP??
There are no words for how tacky that is. I’ve never heard of any variety of clergy doing something like that.
I’m not Jewish, but is it possible to find another rabbi and have the ceremony later? I know some of those from out of town might have had to leave, but still, it would send a message to the guy who couldn’t be bothered.
My paternal grandmother was laid to rest on a day with freezing cold wind and blowing sleet. The graveside service was done short and sweet, but nobody would have consindered phoning it in.
Every job has some aspects to it that are unpleasant, but you do them anyway, because it’s just part of the job. For clergy, one of those unpleasant duties is that you sometimes have to go out to a cemetery in the cold and rain. You just do it.
I’m not even Jewish and it flipped my yermulke … “give the blessing over the phone and then you pass it on”? What?
At least IMO the presence of friends and family who drove in even from way out of town itself blessed the event, as did the remembrance of her long life, even in the absence of the supposed professional…
That is, if you’ll pardon the expression, beyond the pale. The first shiva I worked I passed on a check from the widow to the rabbi that was a ‘donation’ in the 4 figures. Later I asked if that was customary as I hadn’t heard of it and she said it was to thank him for all the time he had spent at the house during the week of shiva and to thank him in advance for the unveiling a (Jewish calendar) year later. In essence, she was prepaying him. Had he done as the rabbi did in the OP the disrespect would have wrecked her.
I’ve been to many Jewish funerals and unveilings, and the rabbis have always shown up, regardless of the weather. Wait till that guy needs donations for the temple’s new pre-school. I hope people “phone it in and pass it along.”
You shouldn’t be sharing this story just with us anonymous folk on the net.
You really should share this story with the entire congregation of the synagogue.
Tell everybody you know who has any connection with the synagogue.
Print the story, with all the details. Sign it proudly with your mother’s name in large print and your name in smaller print below. Post it on the door to the synagogue, and put it on the windows of all the cars in the parking lot.
The rabbi deserves to have his contract cancelled.
In Spanish absurdist movie Airbag there is a scene where a priest confesses someone over the phone. Some people were expecting the RCC hierarchy to go bananas and start hrowing hardcopy samples of the Catechism at people’s heads, but the hierarchy’s response to “what do you think about ‘Airbag’?” was “funny movie!”
Maybe the rabbi in the OP wants to be in the movies.