Living in a place breaking rain records, its a bad idea to leave the windows open on the truck that doesn’t live under a roof and has the cloth seats… everyday! My husband’s truck smells like old feet now. :rolleyes:
Day of my driver’s license test: I’m crawling along, staying well under the speed limit - something feels odd about the car, but I figure it’s just nerves. The instructor sitting next to me gives me a Look. Instantly I know I’m doing something wrong. But what? WHAT?
In the end, he had to point the parking break out to me. I lost 10 points for that. (And another 8 for running a yellow light. Still got my license though.)
It’s advisable to check WHICH little black car you are getting into outside the 7-11. Chances are you are getting in the one that’s NOT yours.
Let’s go over this again. You Do Not Like Herbal Tea. You like black tea. Stop buying herbal tea. No matter how good it sounds or what vanilla-cinnamon-cherry-berry flavoring it has in it, you will not like it. Stick with the tried-and-true black tea.
Stop buying it, moron. You’ll end up hating it and throwing it out.
Second corollary: When one looks at one’s watch and registers the time, and looks away, if someone then asks for the time, it is not necessary to immediately look again at one’s watch, as a microsecond of thought will reveal that said time is conveniently stored in one’s short-term memory and is available for easy retrieval.
Do not temporarily place your wallet in the bottom drawer of the bureau that was open after you accidentally knocked said wallet to the floor as you were taking off your socks.
The automatic response to then close said drawer with your foot as you stand up to go pee is too great.
The next day’s search for said wallet will lead to fond memories and an ironic laugh later when one gives up the search to only then find it while openning that bottom drawer to get some socks to put on.
Your cell phone and your land line are different. Answering the land line when the cell phone is ringing will almost certainly prove ineffective.
The converse is also true.
Also, it is adviseable, when leaving a destination after having arranged for one’s spouse to pick one up at a later time in a different destination, to give one’s spouse the car keys. This is particularly true when the spare car keys remain in one’s purse which is locked inside the car.
Your husband’s aunt’s name is JEANNE. Your mother-in-law’s name is NANCY. Confusing the two when speaking to them in person is inadviseable. This is particularly true when the aunt is the sister of your mother-in-law’s ex-husband.
Before getting into the shower, ask yourself: Did I get towels and a bath mat out of the dryer? Did I take off my glasses? Do I have shampoo and soap? Is the drain set to open?
Putting dirty silverware in a dishwasher full of clean dishes will lead to rewashing most of the silverware.
If you don’t put the giant pillow in front of the laundry closet doors, the cat will open the door and get behind the dryer. Again.
Writing yourself a note only helps you remember important things if you don’t throw the note away.
If the piece of paper has your name or address on it, don’t throw it into the recycling bin. It needs to be shredded. Likewise, you don’t need to shred the pieces of junk mail that don’t have your name or address on them.
When leaving the house, check your pockets for your keys BEFORE locking the front door. Same goes for the car.
Turn the volume down on the car stereo before shutting the car off, so as to not blast one’s eardrums out upon turning it on again.
Before inserting a tape into the VCR make sure there is not already a tape in there. The same goes for CD/DVD drives/players.
Before taking a picture or video, remove the damn lens cap first.
Oh, and one more that just became relevant: If you know it’s spam, don’t open it!
One does not need to wait for a stop sign to turn green before proceeding.
Before one closes the door to the bedroom to keep the dog out while one goes to work, one should check to make sure the dog is not currently in the bedroom. Failing to do so will likely result in a very thirsty dog and a very hairy pillow when you come home.
The crockpot will not cook the venison, even if you wait twelve hours, if it is not plugged in.
My friends and I have said “You too” to cab drivers when they dropped us off at the airport and told us to have a nice flight. Good grief.
well, depending on the caby, that may have been appropriate…
Remember that hair gel and toothpaste are not interchangeable.
After making a mistake you can’t type “command Z” and undo it, if you’re not working on a computer.
If you’re facing your car and it’s to your left, when you turn around to put money in the meter, use the one to your right, unless you feel like being nice to the person who’s parked next to you.
When you are ready to get out of the shower is not the time to remember that all the towels are in the laundry basket, whether they’re clean or not.
Remember who you’re talking to on the phone before saying goodbye. Saying “love you” to your SO is good. Saying it to a customer is not so much.
If you order tea, don’t be surprised if it doesn’t taste like Pepsi.
Corollary, if you order Pepsi, you don’t need to add sugar. Well, generally. I can’t really speak for everybody about that, I guess.
Hot water doesn’t equal tea. It requires other ingredients to taste good.
Look in Opaque Cup before taking swig out of it. Yesterday’s coffee is not tasty.
After moving in reverse, put car in “DRIVE” before attempting to move forward. This is especially helpful when you are driving someone else’s car and they are in said car with you.
Don’t answer your present office phone with the name of the previous company you worked for.
Unless you are a waitress, no one but your significant other and/or children should be called “hon.”
When getting smooched on the cheek by the sweet little old ladies at church, do NOT suddenly move your head. You will likely receive an accidental, yet full-on lip lock.