I’m employed, he’s an overpaid contractor so it makes things much simpler if he has his own bank account - saves the accountant getting in a stew about things if the only money he’s got to deal with is from the contracts.
That and the fact that he’ll never know how much I spend on shoes!
We’re both students, and have been dating about 10 months. We generally alternates who pays, or sometimes go dutch- basically, we try to make sure it’s even.
Wow, that’s a hell of an assumption. Who says that keeping track of money separately has anything whatsoever to do with trust?
Hell, I think it makes sense even if the only reason you do it is so you can buy gifts for each other without the other person saying “oh hey, my husband just had a debit charge at Victoria’s Secret…hmmmm, wonder what I’m getting?” or knowing what you spent on it. (Do you take off the price tag when you give your spouse a gift?)
Precisely what I was going to say.
Married, and we have joint financial accounts, but generally Stonebow is the first to whip out the wallet and pay any restaurant bills and entertainment costs.
Prior to being married, he paid restaurant bills, and I bought all the groceries and cooked meals at my home. I feel like that was pretty fair, as I cooked more often than we dined out.
I’ve had it both ways.
I’ve had GFs who said they prefer it the “Old fashioned way” like the OP discribes.
And if thats truely the way she wants it, that’s fine, but I expect her to also do the cooking and the cleaning at home.
Most girls I just go with “I’ll pay for the meal and you take care of the tips.”
I tend to think this is fair as I make a significantly better living than most of the women I date or have had relationships with.
She’s being cheap. Especially as she says she gets her guy friends to pay for everything as well! The only reason for one person to pay all or most of the time is if they earn more and insist. Most of the time I’ve gone out to dinner as part of a couple we’ve split the bill, but occasionally I’ve paid as a treat or birthday gift, or he’s done the same. If I’m really skint and the guy really wants to go out for dinner and says he’ll pay, I’ll cook for him the next night or whatever.
I would not stay with someone who expected me to pick up the tab all the time, even if I was earning a lot more than them. I’d be happy to treat if they couldn’t afford it, but expecting me to, and saying it’s for reasons of old-fashionedness? Cheap cheap cheap. I’d make her pay her own way or dump her. Harsh maybe, but I can’t stand women like that - they undermine those women who realise it’s 2008 and who do want to pay their own way, and take advantage of those decent guys who don’t want to ask them to put their hand in their pocket. Lose/lose.
When I was dating, I expected the gentleman to at least offer to pick up the tab. Yes, every time.
Every two or three times I would insist.
The one who didn’t pay would leave the tip.
I would be horrified if I was on a date and the man asked to split the check. That would be the last of him. And I am sure that type of man would be glad he is seeing the last of me as well.
When people are married, it is different but while dating, I think the man should always offer to pay unless the female extended the invitation.
I see nothing wrong with the OP girlfriend having a problem with this. To me, he is the one that sounds cheap not paying for his date or at least offering all the time.
If that was the case, and she NEVER paid, I would agree that she is taking advantage but wanting the gentleman to offer to pay the tab…sorry, I expect that as well.
She likes to be old fashioned? Does she also intend to cook and bake all day long, rearing your ten children and hanging on you for all monetary support down the road? (I’m only half kidding).
Female here, early 20’s, and three recent relationships come to mind - two were serious (1.5 years+). Of the two, one was 50/50, one was 60/40 (if only because surprises/gifts were more on his end). Both times, he spent all the $ on initial courting - perhaps the first month. After that, things shifted to near equality.
The third was 80/20 – he made substantially more than me, and was incredibly uncomfortable when I paid. To the point where he was grumpy the rest of the night (it’s no surprise we lasted a few short months).
When you’re in a committed relationship, you’re partners, it’s a partnership. There’s no reason not to split things, especially if you’re both of the position that you’re “equals”.
I forgot to mention that any funds he wins on his monthly nickel poker night (October-April only) is spent taking the wife out for a meal. He usually wins between $10-20, so it’s usually a pasta joint. If it’s less, it’s bagels. He loses money maybe once a year.
We pay equally, but she’s a little more equal than I am. She probably pays 60% of the time. And she cooks for me all the time. I make more than her, and she has a house payment and two kids living at home. Oh, and she’s in deep financial doo-doo and might be losing her house.
I have to be a freakin’ Ninja with my credit card to pay before she does.
Dating for 5 months, 3 days.
Been dating for at least 10 years, off and on. We usually go Dutch or take turns paying. If we go to the movies sometimes one of us pays for movies and the other pays for dinner afterwards. The boyfriend comes over and stays overnight about once a week and he often brings dinner but I provide breakfast, cereal or cooking an actual meal.
Z.R. Test and I live together but keep separate finances. Generally we briefly discuss who will pay when we’re deciding whether and where to go out. We make about the same amount of money, so the decision is made based on who has the most disposable income at the moment, and is often split, “I’ll get dinner if you get the movie.” Whoever pays the bill pays the tip, as we don’t usually carry cash.
I was in a relationship like that once. Not only did she expect her other guys friends to pay for her, but her girlfriends as well. She had a real sense of entitlement, and didn’t see a thing wrong with it. She also didn’t get the point of sex.
Needless to say, I didn’t stick around too long.
I make more money than my boyfriend, so I tend to pay more often when we go out to eat. Maybe 2/3rds of the time.
I also buy the groceries almost exclusively. But he does more of the chores at home, which I cannot put a large enough price tag on. Both of us are happy with the situation. We’ve been living together nearly 2 years.
Question is, if she wants it to be the “old-fashioned way”, is she behaving as such or does she want it both ways?
I have never had a girlfriend who regularly allowed me to pay for her meals if she had the money to pay for it with her. I suspect I’ve had my own meals paid for by girl’s I’m seeing than the reverse.
He pays most of the time (and cooks for me almost every night), but I take him out to nice restaurants a few times a month, and pay myself.
We’ve been together almost four months.
My husband and I have joint accounts, but I almost always present my check card at a restaurant. I don’t really know why that is - maybe because I’m in charge of paying the bills and keeping track of our money. And I guess before we had joint accounts, I always used to pay for dinner and movies because I never spent money on anything else.
As for the OP, I’d be a bit wary. It’s odd to me that any woman would want to go back to “old fashioned” interaction between the sexes. I’m sure there are some women out there who genuinely like being treated like a delicate flower, but I’d question her motives. The idea of “old fashioned” in this sense does a lot to empower men, and I’d be worried that she’s essentially buttering you up to make it easier for her to dig into your pocket.
Married 7 years tomorrow 
When we eat out, the payer depends on who has cash and/or money in their account. We don’t keep track (or at least I don’t) but if I think about it, things generally come out about even.
When I was dating, the general rule was either dutch, or the invitor paid. I always assumed dutch. This was mostly agreed upon in advance, as also I’m up front about money:
A: Want to go out to dinner at the local Chinese place?
Me: I’m short on cash right now - how about burgers?
A: “That’s OK, my treat!” or “Sure, that sounds great!” depending on their expectations about the funding of the evening.
I never did get the expectation that buying me dinner was an automatic “in” to my pants, though…
To Dio: We have separate bank accounts (his business account and “our” account where my paycheck auto-deposits). We keep separate accounts for tax purposes - his business account we have to track every deposit as income, where birthday checks and whatnot can go into the joint account. Bills are generally paid from the joint account, with regular transfers from the business to the personal account. That said - he only has a debit card for his business account, and I only have a debit card for the joint account.