I think The Composer is talking about girth. If he’s talking about length, he doesn’t have a penis, he has a bull whip.
::cue Indiana Jones music:: Ba ba BA BAAAAA, ba ba baaaa…
Bragging so-and-so. He probably has an upright, bagless.
Did you use any starch?
Alas the penis is never safe. Once I accidently tipped a kettle full of boiling water onto my crotch. The result fo which was a scream and a jump that took me half the length of my kitchen, a stripping to the waist and fanning my boxers desparetly whilst furiosly swearing. Needless to say I’ve been a lot more careful around kettles now.
Men beware! Women aren’t the only thing after your penis, domestic appliances are as well!
Well, there’s a nifty new slogan for sex education for the young!
Silver Fire, you owe me a new key board. Has anyone ever looked into bulk keyboard costs for Dopers? I’m betting that I’m not the only one that has needed a replacement due to reading this board.
For similar reasons, shooting skeet while naked is right out.
Just out of curiousity, do men always brag about length and width when discussing chores done while naked? 
[Jeff Foxworthy]It’s not the size of the ship, it’s the motion of the ocean.
Yeah, but it’s really hard to sail to England in a rowboat.[/Jeff Foxworthy]
Ummm…just how low is your ironing board? I always try to get mine up to at least hip height, or it’s hell on my back. How come any of your … erm … equipment is in reach of that nasty hot iron?
lieu - One of the reasons I can’t leave the SDMB!!! OMG, man.
hopefool: ENOUGH with the snip-snippety snippage!! That hurts worse to think about than the iron.
Yeesh!
Before the cream sits out too long, you must whip it.
My ironing board is kept at its maximum height. And I have to be careful when ironing the morning shirt.
OTOH, I have absolutely no reason to operate a vacuum cleaner unclothed. And if I did, there is no way that the business end of that thing would come any where near the business end of my thing.
Just be thankful you weren’t wearing a condum.
Not quite the same thing, because I was fully clothed at the time. I learned the hard way to wear surgical gloves whenever cleaning Jalapeno peppers after I stopped to take a leak… :eek:
I’m glad I’m not the only man who’s had a traumatic experience while doing chores. Hmm…maybe that’s why so many males would rather do anything else than housework!
ivylass: I thought you would have learned by now that men can find opportunity to talk about penises for no reason at all.
Silver Fire: I was talking girth, not length. If I had a penis as long as a vacuum cleaner hose, I’d never get laid.
Aspidistra: I’m 6’4". Even with my ironing board at full height, I have to be careful of swinging a certain body part too close to the edge.
Along those same lines – I’ve learned that if you’ve applied IcyHot in the last few minutes, wash your hands very thoroughly before you whizz. Yee. Ow.
Funny (both “odd” and “ha-ha”), I was reading recently an old copy of Bob Morris’ book “Iron Nekkid and You’ll Always Get Burned”. Mostly it’s a collection of his articles when he was with the Orlando Sentinel, but the title has to do with a short column about how he irons his shirts, and usually does so in the nude because he’s a big hairy guy and sweats a lot (hey, this is Florida) so why wear clothes that you’re going to sweat into while ironing the clothes you’re going to change into anyway, and the iron and laundry room is in the garage, and meanwhile his sons used to play a game where one would run the garage door opener and the other would ride up and down the garage door while it was opening and closing , and of course he is in there just as they start playing with the garage door, and so here he is this big hairy guy standing naked in his driveway yelling at both of his kids, and wouldn’t you know that’s same moment when the nice lady from down the street chooses to take her dog for a walk and just happens to be in front of his house…
Too bad the book is out of print: great book (the poor man’s Dave Barry), and the cover picture is a hoot. Big hairy naked guy ioning a Hawaiian shirt (ironing board just at the right level) with a big scorch mark on his gut.
Remember kids: “Iron Nekkid and You’ll Always Get Burned”
And by the way, where did you get an iron that lets you know it’s ready? I have never seen or heard one of these.
I wonder if that one’s on Roy Moore’s version of the Commandments?
** The Composer ** wrote…
Some time ago there was a post called **The stupidest thing you have ever done ** or something.
At the time I had had * this very same accident *. I always Iron before I go to work, right after the shower, while drinking the coffee. The length of my dick (which is ungodly and enormously really very huge, I can assure you, in case you were wondering), had nothing to do with it, it was the height of the ironing board. It is low, I guess because people here tend to be shorter on average then in the States, and I am tall. I told my wife what had happened, she just about died laughing. Thanks dear, very sympathetic of you. Guess we wont be playing cars and garages for a while. My secretary had seen me wincing when I went to sit down, so like a total and complete stupid IDIOT, I told her what had happened.
I could have said my back went out, or I was sunburned, or had a cramp or god knows any one of a million other things, but NOOOooooo, I told her the truth. Duuuh. I worked as the administrator of a medical clinic at the time. After lunch I walked into the main lobby and all the girls at the reception desk are * looking * at me like they all owe me money or something. I went down the hall to an exam room to speak with one of the Doctors there about something. The Tech with him is looking at me with her hand over mouth and squinty eyes like she is trying like hell not to bust up. As we finish talking he takes off his lab coat and hands it to me and says “Could you iron this for me?” The Tech loses it:
BWAHAHAHAHAWWww! Gawfaa snort Wheeez HAWHAW (you get the picture).
They both go into fits of laughter. Soon I could hear laughter down the hall. The secretary had told someone and in no time * everyone * knew. This was not “we are laughing with you” laughter, this was “we are laughing AT your clutzy ass” laughter. I decided that I would not post the incident to the **The stupidest thing you have ever done ** thread, lest at the next dope-feast people would want to see the scar! So, ** The Composer ** you have MY sympathy. Just let me be the first to say WAY TO GO! I think for my next trick I will attempt to sit on the waffle Iron as I get ready for work.