Analysis: Illuminatiprimus
Illuminatiprimus is a tech-savvy, connected watcher of British Sci-Fi and dreams of becoming a porn star some day. 
Very into media, music and theater. Regrets the Fall of the British Empire before he could gain control of it.
While my sense of loyalty can be strange at times, I wouldn’t call it terribly pronounced. I prefer the Euphonium over the Tuba during the festive season. The Uncle doesn’t travel all that much, and is definitely not named Matt, and I really do hate Hughesnet.
Very close for so little information though.
All present and correct.
About half right, but you missed something important. I’m a girl.
And here I thought you were a goddess. 
As a True Illuminati, having the Empire present would save you a bundle on administrative costs alone!
Why, OtakuLoki, you old honey-dripper. Man, I’m not used to other posters being all nice ‘n’ junk. Where’s the profanity? The outrage? The righteous indignation?
Analysis of OtakuLoki:
OtakuLoki tends to pay attention to current events, especially regarding the police, and gets emotionally wrapped up in some. He lives in an apartment in New York. His father, sadly, is having medical problems. OtakuLoki is interested in science fiction, astronomy, cooking (ethnic food especially), and naval stuff.
btw, jackdivinci, how does one win this [air quotes]game[/air quotes]?
It did occur to me that you were referring to my Illuminatus role, I was just initally because I’ve never started a thread about the British empire or world domination (yet).
Ah, but you are British. That and the Torchwood threads led to a semi-logical conclusion.
Sorry if I blew your cover.
Yup, that’s pretty close, except for enjoying cats. Hate the little bastards.
I think silenus was missed.
Looking at the thread titles, I can only conclude that silenus is interested in home surgery using his/her freshly sharpened knives as scalpels and bourbon as anesthesia. He/she also watches Buffy on Time Warner Cable and enjoys reading Terry Pratchet and the funny pages.
Maus Magill: Is married with a son and lives in the southern united states. He loves superheroes and comic books in general and was (at least at one time) a doonsbury reader. He also likes to drink, and likes trivia, but hates the local news. He is also very much in love with his wife and kid, and they are probably the reason why he used to post so much, and now only posts occasionally.
How’d I do?
ANALYSIS: user NAF1138
This user enjoys that Mafia game or whatever those ten zillion threads are about. I never clicked on one. He moved from Los Angeles to Seattle in 2006, possibly because he didn’t like his employers, having written a letter to them in the Pit shortly before that and complaining again in the Pit that they didn’t send his W2s by March of the next year. Despite being interested in highbrow literature like Shakespeare, he is baffled by and seeks help with, complex subjects like puppy chew toys.
All is correct, but the move to seattle fell through due to a financial crisis. 
Someday.
Neutron Star:
Is into all kinds of music (folk, pop, violins, bar songs)
wonders about various illicit activities (preferably of the victimless variety, held over underground coal fires)
Like many Dopers, likes to tweak out computers
All true, except for the left-leaning. (Not right-leaning, either.)
Analysis: Ludovic
Ludovic, obviously humor-challenged, spends his days asking others to provide him with sources of amusement. I recommend several weeks at an ashram so that he may find answers to the soul searching questions of “beach casual”, “stale water”, and “neuron replacement”. He needs to find himself because he is flailing right now between heavy news related pursuits and lighter pop culture ones. And what is about **Ludovic ** that makes him want to mosh so badly?
Analysis: anyrose
Anyrose watches a LOT of TV, and is definitely a Buffy and Veronica Mars fan. Anyrose, check out this fanfic, you’ll probably like it: Martian Manhunter. She recently had an electrical problem, and a knee replaced a while ago.
*** Ponder
Ponderdroid is deciding between a career in the Air Force or producing TV shows. He’s leaning towards the latter but isn’t sure if he has the capital to do it. He’s working on improving his writing, especially his grammar and style. He also dabbles in the vibrant field of spaghetti research.