There’s a reason that marathons have people handing out tougue depressors with vaseline on them every few miles!
Seriously, go to the sporting good store and ask for Body Glide. Looks like a little deodorant. Smells like ass, but rub it on and you won’t have a problem.
(I finished my first marathon shirtless because it got so bad)
Turns out my nipples weren’t actually bleeding, they just hurt like hell. Well, the right one did, anyway. The tee I was wearing had a little embroidered logo on the breast, which ended up chafing like a motherfucker. Next time, I’ll make sure I’ve got a plain t-shirt. I think I’ll forgo putting any tape on my chest. Bloody nipples would probably be less painful than trying to get masking tape off my manly, hirsute torso.
Congratulations! turns the hose on you to cool you off and offers Gatorade
Miller get yourself some dri-fit style shirts. A regular cotton t-shirt becomes soaked and heavy and makes runnning a PITA.
Congratulations. 165 2/3 more just like it and you’ll be a Proclaimers song.
Only if he’s got 3 nipples…or am I not doing the math right?
Ohhh man do I wish he were kidding. I’ve never gotten to the bleeding point but the pain is pretty intense. The nipples are getting chaffed, and you are sweating salt into the raw area. The nipples are quite sensitive. I won’t say that it is common, but it is ordinary enough that there are known solutions. I have been told vaseline helps, but my guess is that it is not as good as vaseline + band-aids. I have been out of the running game for a while so I haven’t tested these solutions, but my time is coming.
Good luck with the running, and don’t stop at 3 miles go for 5, then 10. Sooner than you think, you will be ready for a marathon.
In a slightly hijackular case of international ante-upping, The iconic Australian image of Lifesavers with their speedos wedged all up in their butt cracks is created, in fact, to avoid a painful chafing-based condition called “boing-boing” caused by rowing their rescue surfboats.
Chafed nipples? Pffft. You don’t know half of it! 
mm
Congrats…but, just so ya know – bloody nipples = bad. Very bad.
Yeah…I need to get up to 3.5 miles in the next few weeks for the JPMorganChase Corporate Challenge. I’m good for about 2 so far.
Congratulations!
According to the textbook I have here, “Sports Dermatology” by Brian B. Adams, the main cause of joggers’ nipples is cotton T-shirts and, for women, jogging without a bra. The “coarse fiber cotton” Ts given away by race organizers be worn only after the race is over, sayeth the text; wear slippery synthetics while running, and apply petroleum jelly, patches or adhesive tape as required.
Joggers’ nipples come alphabetically in the chapter on friction injuries, right after foosball finger and jazz ballet bottom. Which is completely irrelevant; I just wanted to use the words “jazz ballet bottom”.
Congratulations!
It feels awesome to be able to run that far. 4 is not far behind, either.
I got a bloody nipple once when I dropped a razor when I was shaving my face in the tub once. That’s not a world of pain I wish to enter into again.
I heard about the chafed nippleage, but experienced a mild case after playing 3 hours of racketball. Yeah, I’m not wearing THAT shirt again on racketball days.
You go, boy.
Where do you want me to go? It’s cold outside and I forgot my jacket…
(if there were a puppy dog-eye smilie, I woulda used that)
I disagree. Granted I’m woefully out of shape, but it feels like having my ass kicked for 3.5 miles.
Wow, all the useless and gory stuff I learn here. Thanks, people!
And now, your musical interlude:
(To the tune of Oklahoma)
Eller:
He couldn’t pick a better time as that to run
Andrew:
It ain’t too early and it ain’t too late
Laurey:
Startin’ as a runner and he’s gonna have fun
Curly:
But he’ll soon be living in a world of hurt
Company:
World of hurt!
World of hurt!, gonna feel like shit!
Gonna give you blisters, bunions, and the runs,
Soreness for your muscles,
Sweat rolls down your buns,
Cramping in your legs so much it hurts to walk,
Plen’y of pain and plen’y of sweat
Plen’y of pride but dont forget
That there’s one more thing that you must know.
Blooooooooody nipples, where your tits are cryin’ out in pain
And the chafing feeling, will leave you reeling,
You’ll wish at times you just could go insane
Blooooooooody nipples, you didn’t know you’d get chafed on the nips
That monogrammed shirt, it sure made you hurt
Isn’t it weird to see the blood coming from there?
You know you’re a jogger thick and through
And it’s too bad you didnt have a clue
And when we say
Yeeow! Ayipioeeay!
We’re only sayin’
Damn that hurts like hell, Bloody nipples,
Bloody nipples, go away!
Blooooooooody nipples, where your tits are cryin’ out in pain
And the chafing feeling, will leave you reeling,
You’ll wish at times you just could go insane
Blooooooooody nipples, you didn’t know you’d get real chafed up there
That monogrammed shirt, it sure made you hurt
Isn’t it weird to see the blood coming from there?
You know you’re a jogger thick and through
And it’s too bad you didnt have a clue
And when we say
Yeeow! Ayipioeeay!
We’re only sayin’
Damn that hurts like hell, Bloody nipples,
Bloody nipples, go away!
Bloody, bloody, bloody, bloody, bloody, bloody, blooody, bloody, bloody, bloody, bloody, blooody
You know you’re a jogger thick and through
And it’s too bad you didnt have a clue
And when we say
Yeeow! Ayipioeeay!
We’re only sayin’
Damn that hurts like hell, Bloody nipples,
Bloody nipples, go away!
B-L-O-O-O-D-Y Bloody nippleeeeeees! OK!
This has been an Autolycus Production ^^
Try BodyGlide to prevent chafing.
It is a fantastic product. I use it when I ride my mountain bike and even when I wear skirts to prevent irritation/chafing from thigh rubbing.
It is sold in most outdoors stores like REI and such.
…right after I posted I saw that someone else suggested it. It smells a bit weird when first applied, but no one has ever said ‘wow you smell like ass’ when I use it while wearing skirts.
