If the surge protector is sizzling, smoking, and throwing sparks it is NOT a software problem! Yes, I know the surge protector is now dead - what I want a tech up here for is to look over all the hardware that was plugged into it.
What part of “the computer monitor is not working, it’s a blank screen” are you having a problem understanding? (Completely different system, yet…)
Yes, that swamp-a-dellic stench coming from the car vents probably has something to do with that wet, gurgling sound in the behind the dash. The cute new trick the car has developed of puking water onto my right foot whenever I make a right turn might also be related - don’t you think?
The Cline Avenue Sniper is back, after a month of blissful non-shooting he/she/it/them scored three windshields yesterday. Like my commute isn’t exiciting enough, thankyouverymuch.
The allergy season sucks. All those plants fornicating and I’m the one getting fucked.
That’s it for now. I’m tired and going to bed. Maybe I’ll think of more tomorrow.
COWS MOOING LOUDLY IS NOT AN EMERGENCY THAT REQUIRES 911 ASSISTANCE.
And the fact that THREE (3) people saw fit to report the mooing cows makes me want to weep for the future of humanity. Cows moo, moron. Call me back when they start singing Judy Garland showtunes.
Hey Dumb Ass!
I am not going to drive 45 minutes, on a saturday night, to unlock your fucking car for less money than you were quoted! My time is money, my knowledge is valuble. If you can find someone else to do it cheaper bully for you! but quit fucking calling me and whining!
You know, if I have my car towed to your garage because the engine died, and after a week of dicking with it (while my rental car charges mount up) you replace the fuel pump for $458 and tell me everything’s fine, I really, really don’t want to have the engine die on me again.
Dear customer:
Yes, I’m aware that you parked your car in the parking structure, and therefore it’s easier to enter the building through the upstairs walkway. Yes, I’m aware that one can enter by following after an employee who swiped her keycard to open the door. And I understand it’s a hassle lining up to pass through the metal detector in the lobby. I know you’re not armed and wish me and my coworkers no harm. You only wanted to see the employee in charge of your file. But, dear madame, there’s a reason why you need a keycard to enter through the upstairs door, and why we have a metal detector in the lobby. This is a government agency, in case you hadn’t noticed. Also, what part of “Employees only” didn’t you understand?
I had a cold this week - I took time off when I figured I was the most infectious, but since I’m on a no work, no pay basis, I worked the other two days coughing, hacking, sniffling, aching, all but groaning out loud. I wish to pit employers who don’t give employees any sick days so we subject ourselves and everyone else to that, and myself for not going and finding a better job with paid sick time. Bleah.
I’ve been working as a software tester on a particular project for three years, about the time we were purchased by a much larger company. In that time, they have tried to integrate our project with their other offerings. The project has been utterly mismanaged at high levels, including poorly thought-out features, a bad interface, unstable new technology and a strategic alliance that took nine months of work and yielded nothing. In frustration, several of the engineers and a lower manager made plans to leave the company. In response, management has laid off the rest of the team in my location (including me) and moved our jobs to India.
This week, the company announced it was giving the CEO a raise to $825,000 per year, retroactive to June.
I already don’t have enough hours in the day. I write all of the obituaries that come in, I type up all of the briefs and calendar entries, and I do all of the business briefs and the business calendar, in addition to the education briefs and calendar because the education reporter quit. I also do business licenses, real estate transactions, columnist payroll, health inspections, check distribution to our reporters, letters to the editor, and other shit I can’t even remember right now. I am also listed in the newspaper as “Newsroom information,” so if people call with a question - be it how to contact senitorial candidate Jack Carter or why the Appeal Skinny section has such tiny print, or how to write to Ann Landers/Dr. Gott/Mr. Know-it-all, I get those calls to deal with too. I’m in the process of redoing our obituary policy to let the grieving have less hurt feelings over our impersonal death notices, which means a lot of leaving the office to visit EVERY. MORTUARY. IN. THE. AREA.
I do not have time to run a political candidate survey, kthx. I would if the reporters in charge of those beats had sent me their questions, who was running, and how to contact them LAST MONTH like we asked them to. Now that I’ve finally got all of that stuff, it’d be nice, Mr. or Mrs. I wish I was senator, if you would SEND ME YOUR INFORMATION BY THE DUE DATE! Because of you fuckers, I had to work two hours late - on my fucking birthday, no less - and some of you still haven’t sent that shit in! I gave you THREE WEEKS! The due date was WEDNESDAY! I have a list of you fuckers that didn’t send everything in, and I am NOT VOTING FOR YOU IN NOVEMBER! Not only that, but I’m giving that same list to every family member and friend that I have and telling them why you obviously don’t think well enough of your voting population to answer a FOUR QUESTION SURVEY IN THREE WEEKS’ TIME. And come on, people - we’re the newspaper for the CAPITAL FUCKING CITY OF NEVADA. You’d think they’d care.
And to the four people who actually sent them to me the day after I sent them out, you are the nicest political candidates I know of, and it was also super-nice that you called to make sure that I got the e-mails. Way to go, you rock.
Look, when you call me and tell me your problem is URGENT and you want me to PAGE a techician…THEN YOU NEED TO STAY BY YOUR PHONE FOR 15 MINUTES!!!
I cannot count the number of times I have paged at the request of a user and then the users do not answer their phones at the numbers they gave us to contact them at.
Do not ask me to page someone to fix your individual computer problem…and then leave for lunch.
I’m really sick and tired of having mandatory overtime every day and on the weekend and having my supervisor claim it’s because a few members of my team aren’t pulling their own weight when actually it’s because the job sucks balls and she can’t find enough people to work it, and everyone she’s hired lately can’t take it and either leave or get fired, meanwhile, we get daily emails berating us for the team’s performance, and the people who CAN do the job well are bailing like rats off a sinking ship, yours truly included. One month to go…
This is to the man who called me at the town hall where I work and demanded I send the restaurant inspector to the local bagel shop. The man, I’ll call him Mr. Moron, ordered a dozen bagels there. The bagel shop clerk took one of those little pieces of tissue paper you see in bakeries and grasped the bagels with it as he placed them into the customer’s bag. The clerk then discarded the little piece of tissue paper in the waste basket before handing the bag to Mr. Moron.
Mr. Moron pays his money, takes the bag of bagels, goes home and calls town hall to complain about the transaction. I ask questions. Was the shop dirty? No. Were the bagels unwholesome? No. Was the clerk wearing plastic gloves? Yes. Did the clerk sneeze on the bagels? No. Then why do you think the inspector should go out, I ask.
The reason, explains Mr. Moron, is that the clerk didn’t put the tissue paper into the bag. He thinks this is some egregious violation of the health code. I tell Mr. Moron that there is nothing in the health code that states that the tissue paper has to go in the bag and that if the clerk is gloved he doesn’t even have to use one of those tissue thingies.
Mr. Moron screamed at me for a full five minutes because I told him his complaint will not be recorded and the inspector will not be visiting the shop.
Dear dumbass callers whose heads are so inextricably pushed up into their asses and don’t know how their credit card points programs work:
You think I’m just making this shit up when I tell you that there is a limit on how much your points will cover, eh? Ha! Ha! I’m such a meanie, aren’t I? Yep, these are my rules and just for kicks, I come up with them because I love pissing people off! Really, dumbfucks, do you honestly think that I come up with my own little rules willy-nilly regarding the ways your programs work just because I enjoy listening to you incessantly whine and bitch? Well, guess again, I don’t, so spare me your pathetic ranting about the program guidelines that your BANK or FINANCIAL INSTITUTION requires us to go by. We are a third-party travel agency who is contracted to book your travel and your bank pays us back with the points you redeem for your travel, as we are the ones who actually pay the airlines for the tickets. We are NOT affiliated with your bank, so save your breath and stop barking up the wrong tree! Shit, if there were no limits to what your programs covered our company would go broke!
Oh, and another thing. You’ve been a cardholder for 20 years? Good for you! Quite frankly, I don’t give a flying fuck! That doesn’t make you special or entitled to preferential treatment. Rules are rules! Live with them, or get the fuck off my phone and get the fuck out of your program!
Yes, you went through training so you could learn how to do it yourself instead of me having to do everything. In training, we talked about how asking people to use the web form (as opposed to leaving Post-It notes on your desk) would make it easier for you to do it yourself.
So what do you do? YOU FILL OUT THE FUCKING WEB FORM WITH SOMEONE ELSE’S REQUEST AND SEND IT TO ME!
Yes, when you dropped off your two dogs for boarding, you mentioned they had diarrhea and probably ate some drywall as well. Good thing you mentioned it, because in the following bullshit that follows, at least you can’t claim its our fault.
By the second day, we had had to clean your dogs kennel about 10 times and bathed them each 3 times. We called your emergency contact number and asked if we could place them on some medication. You said no, it was “normal” for them to have diarrhea and if we had to clean them up and bathe them every day, that’s our problem. By the third day, your dogs continued to have explosive diarrhea and we called to let you know that it was not an option to not treat them as it was unethical for us to sit there and let them dehydrate themselves. We took pictures of their kennel as proof and started them on about $20 worth of meds (combined). When we called you the second time, you didn’t return our calls or messages and when we called your secondary emergency number, she said “don’t treat them” and hung up on us. Sorry, we are a vet hospital and you signed that we can and will treat dogs with medical issues that endanger their health and comfort.
So you came to pick up your dogs and threw and absolute FIT over the extra $20 and refused to listen to use when we recommended diagnostics, especially on one of your dog’s who not only had horrible diarrhea, but also was having urinary problems and we suspect kidney issues. You repeated that it was “normal” for your dogs, they have diarrhea every day of their lives, and you don’t want to pay for meds to help them. Guess what? IT IS NEVER NORMAL FOR A DOG TO HAVE DIARRHEA EVERY DAY OF ITS LIFE. Oh, lookie here… when you bought them from the pet store last year, they had diarrhea but you declined doing a fecal test. How much you want to bet they have Giardia or some other common parasite and are passing it back and forth to each other. I can only hope that they eventually pass it on to you and your wife. She’s the one who is yelling that we are ripping pepple off (twenty…extra…dollars) and is in the same breath saying “its not about the money”.
Bullshit… take your cheap, neglectful, petty ass and your pets’ medical records and get the hell out . We practice medicine here, we don’t maintain suffering at bargain costs.
This is not so much about work as about the company that sold us our new automation system for three radio stations.
The program director has been tearing out what’s left of his hair for weeks, trying to figure out why spot blocks don’t fire, and why it stacks up four ten-second pieces of fill music instead of one forty second bed, and why it reaches through the top of the hour to grab the first element that isn’t hard timed, and messes up the sequence of commands. He’s been on the phone to tech support nearly every day for two months, always getting the goon squad who don’t even have any suggestions, never mind support. Then one day last week, he gets a supervisor on the phone, who says, “Oh, that’s a bug.” “What?” “It’s been a bug in the program since around the time you guys bought the system.”
Oh, thanks a shitload for telling us now, after we’ve paid six figures and had to put it together ourselves, and use outboard equipment to do what your program won’t do. And we sounded like idiots on the air because “it’s a bug.” You sell broadcasting automation! Aren’t you aware that all the mistakes we make are public? Nobody knows about all the little ones off-air, but the major ones, everybody hears. Your software should not be the source of our public mistakes! Write a patch for it, pronto! We spent major bucks on this, and you are going to make it work!
OK, that felt better. A bit esoteric, but hey, it’s a rant about crappy customer service.