Over in this thread our dear and wonderful pal, Mr. Cynical decided that I had too much spare time on my hands.
For the incredible time dump that he has created, I am now obliged to return the favor, in effing spades!
Let’s see what sort of diabolical plan we can think up to share the joy with our beloved compatriot. Narile’s suggestion is a good starting point. Myself, I’m leaning more towards something involving long pages of glurge that he must sort through to find annoyingly trivial clues.
Actually, considering things and the desire to make him suffer…have him act as the straightdope Yenta/Matchmaker, selecting whom should go with whom best. After all, we know that the SDMB seems to have linked Satan and Drain, Montfort and Annaz…So let him do a little more ‘arranging’.
“Medea’s Child? Oh, that’s easy, match her up with DRY.”
“Michi? I think DRY would be perfect for her.”
“Golf Widow? DRY all the way.”
“jjjfishe? DRY loves blondes.”
“Poysyn…”
You get the idea. It would be something akin to Monty Python’s Cheese shop skit.
[sub]Not only that, I’d pair my biggest rivals for some of these fine ladies with suspected trolls, or each other. Hey, all’s fair in love and war.[/sub]
Oh, and no comment on your massive crush on Euty until I see the goddamn e-mail in question! :mad:
Believe me, DRY, some things are just too personal to be showing other people! Let’s just say that if there was any snow or ice in Euty’s vicinity during the e-mail exchange, it was more than completely melted by the time we were through! Perhaps even flash-boiled…
yes yes you must give us all a good spanking…and then
THE ORAL SEX!
(All together now)
ORAL SEX!!!
Please disregard if you have been living in a morlock hole the last 50 years and never seen Monty Python. Or call me a pervert, whatever the case I need to be spanked
Leni calls me every Tuesday at work to find out what coffee I want delivered to the office on Wednesday. It’s my favorite phone call of the week.
SCENE: This Tuesday.
BRRRING!
(20-something female voice): Hi! This is Leni. What do you want?
[sub]I will not be a dirty old man, I will not be a dirty old man[/sub]
Me: Ah, Haitian Bleu.
Leni: I’m sorry, that’s not in yet. The shipment was delayed.
Me: Not to worry, I’ll have the Sumatra Dark.
Leni: Normally we roast on Tuesdays and Thursday, but its the holidays, so we won’t have any until the end of the week.
Me: No matter. I’ll have a pound of Ethiopian Harrar then.
Leni: We don’t have any - not this time of year, I’m afraid.
Me: This is a cheese shop, is it not?
(Sound FX: WHOOSH!)
(Three beats)
Me: I’ll have the regular Sumatra, thanx.
Moral to myself: Don’t assume people IRL to have necessary and sufficient cultural referents to make it appear I’m not a babbling ijit.
[sub]We now return you to your normally scheduled spanking, handcuffing and heavy breathing thread, already in progress.[/sub]
I’ll tell you what, just go to the steamiest, most erotic site you can find. Then double it and throw in some devilish charm. That should just about give you the slightest inkling of what it was like!
