Timely religious humor (attempt): could be offensive to some.

The BBQ Pit
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This is my first real rant. IF YOU ARE DEVOUT, or don’t find humor in the practice of religion, please just close this thread back up.

Saying a little (white, American) Unitarian prayer for the world in our time of need, how stupid. At times like this it can be tough to not pick sides. Three voices in my head…

Allah: “Shut the fuck up, cracker imperialist!”
Jehovah: “See, what did I tell you?”
The Lord (Old Testament): “Smite them!”

“Ah, I pray for peace, an end to terrorism, and the safety of our troops.”

Allah: “La, la, la, la, la, sorry, what did you say?”
Jehovah: “Talk to Allah, it is his fault.”
The Lord (Old Testament): “Smite them!”

“Seriously, I want peace and an end to this whole religious mess.”

Allah: “OK, quit supporting Israel, they oppress my people.”
Jehovah: “SMITE THEM!”
The Lord (New Testament): “Sorry, I forgot my meds., love thy neighbor.”

“OK, Lord, finally, how can I do that?”

Allah: “I knew you were an Infidel, go ahead talk to your ‘Lord.’”
Jehovah: “Oh, this should be good.”
The Lord (NT): “Turn the other cheek.”

“Will that work, or will we be destroyed?”

Allah: “Hey, don’t ask me, Jew loving bastard!”
Jehovah: “That’s it, Allah, I’m coming over there!..”
The Lord: “La, la, la, what?”

Buddha: “Should have asked me, stupid.”

Sorry in advance. That was meant in fun. SATIRE. Please no e-mail. I wish people did not fight over religion. No slur on any concept of a supreme being intended seriously. Must go run some errands…

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that was cute.

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Hmm. Firstly, it would work better without the sandwiching pleas of “not in the face! not in the face!” As a wise…well, not wise at all, when you examine things…but as a good…wait, wait. As a very lucky man once said, fuck 'em if they can’t take a joke.

I think the concept could be worked well into a short one-act play setting. The god characters need a bit more definition and personality. I’ve not read the Qua’ran, but from the bits I’ve read I’ve noted that Allah never actually speaks directly–it’s always being told in the third-person about him. At least in those small excerpts. I wonder if its it like that all the way through–if so, Allah would be someone standing importantly in the background, with all his lines being delivered by a small and enthusiastic toady scampering about his feet. I’m picturing something like the hyperactive small dog that always accompanied the huge laconic one in the old looney tunes cartoons. Also, Yahweh and the Lord (OT mode) should be delineated somehow, but I’m not sure at all how to go about that.

As a rough first draft goes, I like it.

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Joke 'em if they can’t take a fuck.

It worked for me.

Somewhere, you need to work in the Daffy Duck sort of, "Smite him now, smite him now!" routine.